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Question about dating after divorce. I had a great date last Saturday and we're planning on meeting again this weekend. He indicated he would drive down to me (he's 2 hours north). There's a music festival in town that I thought about seeing if he wanted to go to. Then I started feeling weird because my ex will most likely be there and even if he isn't, I know a lot of our mutual friends will be. Part of me feels weird bringing a date, knowing there will most likely be hand holding. BUT, I've been divorced for about a year and dang it I should be able to bring a date somewhere.

I live in a city of about 55,000 people and I had always thought that was fairly decent sized...until I got divorced.

Anyways....I would appreciate thoughts, advice, insight, and/or experiences.

Marcie1974 8 July 23
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33 comments

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8

What other people think is none of your business! ? Be free! ?

7

Go and have a great time. You're divorced, not dead.

GwenC Level 7 July 23, 2018
6

You've got to live your life doll (((( hugs)))
It may be just that you're getting your feet wet & need to do something less "out there", not for others but for you?
I get why you might be reticent being a "fretter".

Other than that bleep! everyone else, have fun. You've every right!

Qualia Level 8 July 23, 2018
6

Why are you worrying about what anyone "might" think?
You are divorced. You are allowed to live your life in ANY manner you see fit.
Be bold. Hold hands if you want to.
NO ONE has any right to say anything about anything you are doing, or who you're seeing socially.
So what if you see anyone you know, or your ex? It's going to happen sometime.
Go and have a great time.

Why am I worried? Because I'm super self conscious!! Dumb and immature I know but it's just how I am. Apparently I need all you guys to tell me it's ok in order for me to feel it's ok.

So thank you!!

@Marcie1974 it’s ok?

@Marcie1974 Its REALLY, REALLY okay for you to feel okay about living your life!!!!!
Really!!

@KKGator ugh! Realizing how badly of a people-pleaser I am! Fricking divorced and worried about my ex's feelings.

@Marcie1974 Let me ask you this then.
Do you think your ex is remotely as concerned about running into you?
Do you think YOUR feelings are being considered?
I'm going to bet NOT.

@KKGator very good point!

6

Just go! Have a wonderful time and if you see your ex, smile and be happy you've moved on.

5

Go! Enjoy! Be free and happy, you have earned it and deserve it! Those that talk will do so about anyone, anything, any time. It doesn't matter if it is tomorrow, next month or next year. Be wicked, give them a reason to talk, there is no shame in your game. ?

4

Shouldn't be about your ex or anybody in town. Should be about you, so have fun!

3

Marcie---do whatever feels right....although I'd put the brakes on PUBLIC SEX for awhile. Just saying. (And..deep down...won't it be fun to smile sweetly at your former husband while looking very happy with a date? Love, Brenda Bitch!)

I will TRY to avoid public sex....lol

@Marcie1974 And wear something SMASHING!

@LucyLoohoo I actually ordered an outfit for the music festival before I even had the date with him. Now I'm super excited that I did!

@Marcie1974 SEE? GREAT INSTINCTS! (Sweet lil' girl that you are.) ( 🙂 )

3

I remember feeling like that when I first got divorced, it takes a while to get over but go and have fun! You will feel free once you see your ex out there too, don't feel weird, it's ok! Sounds like you went through a horrible marriage and divorce! It's understandable, it's ok

3

I have to echo everyone else here and say GO. You shouldn't care what others think, and you can't spend the rest of your life avoiding the ex. Go, have fun, hold hands, kiss like nobody's watching (if you want to).

3

Move on with your life. You both deserve happiness.
There may be some awkward points for you but life is full of those anyway. Just follow your heart
Those that judge you can easily avoid but I suspect most of your friends will be happy for you

3

I have been separated from my ex since December 2016 - so I have passed the 18 month mark. I have tentatively (and so far unsuccessfully) tried a couple of dates recently. So, I know where you are coming from. In my view, yes after a year you should be to take a date somewhere that has people who know you. It sounds like your social orbit already know you're divorced. A date after a year is nothing to be embarrassed about it - in fact, it should be celebrated. You go, girl!

Surprisingly, there are still people who know us that don't know we're divorced. He's super private and hasn't told some people. Which is super because then I get to tell people HE knows that we're divorced. Awkward.

@Marcie1974 Very awkward.

2

Just a good time to find out who the real friends are

Simon1 Level 7 July 24, 2018

Very good point...

2

Ohferpetessake....go! Hold hands! Snuggle if you feel the need! You are a grown woman legally divorced. Period

2

Accept that some of your former mutual friends will judge and/or ostracize you to some extent, or take sides on behalf of your ex, if they haven't already. It goes with the territory.

I always admired my current wife for ignoring raised eyebrows when she began dating me mere weeks after her husband's death (the marriage had been going south anyway). People don't have a right to judge such things, as they don't have all the information and it's none of their business anyway.

2

Be brave. If you can, take pride in whose hand you're holding!

2

If you sincerely like each other, enjoy yourself.

2

unless your scoring points or some such crap why are you even feeling these thoughts its your life live for the moment not the brain buzz

weeman Level 7 July 23, 2018
2

Wow what great advice and good friends you have . Amazing!!!

This place is amazing!

@Marcie1974 yes. Sisterhood lol heathen hood

2

Go. Enjoy. Be careful.

2

Stop fretting.

It's what I do. I fret and I know things.

2

Well you have 2 lives so this is just a try-out. Also you won't die for millions of years so why not waste a little more time worrying about what other people think. <-- Sarcasm

Seriously, just go and have fun. If you run into someone or an uncomfortable situation, lean into it and remind yourself that you're not there trying to make sure they enjoy their life, you're doing your best to enjoy yours. Good luck!

2

I went to a concert with my ex years ago and one of his exes was there. Bound to happen. Would he feel uncomfortable? Would you? Might want to ask him. Is it someone from here? If so he wouldn't mind seeking advice?

Which he are you asking about feeling uncomfortable? My ex? I'm guessing it would maybe startle him seeing me with someone else for the first time? Or did you mean my date? I'm not sure how he would feel but if we do go I'll give him a heads up.

My ex is really really not into drama. However, his best friend and his wife are completely into drama. To the point where they spread rumors that I was having an affair with someone and that's why our marriage ended. Completely not true but even if it was, why spread that shit around. Part of me wanted to tell my ex to tell his friends to shut their damn mouths but we have an amicable relationship so I didn't want to bring it up.

Your date-giving heads up sounds good

1

Your ex doesn't own you, and people's opinions should not sway you either. This is 2018. Live your life. If the match is good hey have him sleep over. Have fun.

1

Go , enjoy yourselves . If someone you know spots you there , introduce them to him . There is nothing here for you to be ashamed of . If they hang out with your husband they already know about your divorce . If not , there's no reason they can't find out now .

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