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Are there others here who are in a relationship with a religious person? My live-in boyfriend is a devout Christian and I'm as atheistic as they come. It works for us because we respect each other. Basically we 'agree to disagree'. We never argue over our beliefs or talk down to the other for thinking differently. I'm curious how it impacts other people in a similar situation.

KatMalina 4 July 24

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17 comments

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0

I have been there. Agree to disagree only lasts for so long.

0

Oh it only matures. My live in girlfriend was a catholic but we too respected each other, Then we got married and oh hell, it became terrible. I wanted out kids to be aware of all concepts regarding god. But the catholic family prevailed and then came going to church together as a family, Always attending holiday church and I was just too upset to tolerate anymore. Then came the prayer candles lit in the house. The point is we are all fine together until the stakes get high, then we realize we married the wrong person.. You now live together but marriage and children are not just a trip to the park

EMC2 Level 8 July 25, 2018

We are both in our mid/late thirties and there is zero possibility we will have children together.

@KatMalina A crisis will come along and your current rationalization will get you in trouble
Please know I am not putting it down, But the odds, which will focus later in life, are really not there. What is wonderful now , can indeed be a nightmare if the core of each others personality is not the same.

@KatMalina One more, My sister, like me , was not spiritual but just wanted this man, He was a devout Catholic, and I mean devout. Took it literally, Well my sister died of heart failure and was lying in the ER on support. She was brain dead, My brother in law took two days praying for a miracle and I , wanted her covered up and left alone. That is what she would have wanted, It just did not mix well

0

Be careful! If your boyfriend is a devout christian, then his devout christian friends might try to convince him that you're nothing more than an evil bitch sent by the Devil to seduce him away from his religion! I've seen it before when I was a born again christian. It never ends well.

His friends do not know I'm an atheist as my beliefs are just none of their damn business. I told my boyfriend my beliefs (or lack thereof) on our first date so if it was a deal breaker he could leave.

1

It was fine for me and my (now ex-) bf of 3+ years. We were both fully okay with each other's beliefs (or lack thereof) and never argued or tried to sway the other. It wasn't an issue.

Honestly, I think he was "Christian" in name only so I doubt he had much in the way of sincerely held religious beliefs. Heck, I was the one with an active church life that whole time! Anyway, there are people out there, "believer" or not, who are legitimately not threatened by and wholly, respectfully accepting of the existence of beliefs that do not agree with theirs. I've met a bunch of them. They're awesome.

Exactly, it's not an issue. It's like how we know he likes mustard but I like ketchup but it doesn't matter since we never take either out of the fridge.

2

In my personal experience, it has not worked. I cannot overlook someone's choice to be deliberately delusional.
I cannot respect religious beliefs. They are harmful to everyone.

0

Maybe if she were VERY moderate/liberal, VERY gorgeous, and VERY much in love with me. That would take a lot though, enough to not be bothered by my blasphemy and mockery of religion. otherwise I don't think I could be in a relationship with a religious person. If you can agree to disagree and don't plan on having kids it doesnt matter so much but Id much rather be with someone whose reason and intellect I can completely trust than someone who I have to bite my tongue for.

I am 36 and absolutely will not be having more kids. I have two with my agnostic ex husband and that's all I want.

1

I'm in a similar situation. My partner is very religious, but our relationship works (been together for just over 2 years at this point) because we don't talk down to each other about the way in which we see the world.
Belief systems are only one aspect of a person and just as I wouldn't count someone out as a partner (nobody will align perfectly with all of your viewpoints) for not sharing my beliefs in other aspects, I wouldn't count someone out as a partner for simply being religious. There are many wonderful religious people in the world.

Mea Level 7 July 25, 2018
1

He can't be all that devout or he wouldn't be your live-in boyfriend and he would feel it his duty to bring you to salvation.

0

You doing it to yourself... you both... Wishing you the best of Luck. You are going to need it but it is Not Impossible.

1

I'm not out to my wife, but she suspects it/jokes about me not believing, so it's kind of an unspoken situation. It works ok, but as I get closer to being out, I suspect it'll become an issue at some point...

Same. Been a long couple of years for me. We have four and it's tough at times to see eye to eye on how we raise them. Best of luck to you!

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It didnt work for me, she wanted me to go to church and I did given that it doesn't take much to be a fake Christian but i just could not stand the fact that she could not see how false everything was. We end up putting a rule of non religious talk , because we could not talk about it. I just don't date deeply religious people , It irritates me even with friends that are religious.

2

It's a deal-breaker for me. Theism in general I might be able to overlook, but devout belief is a problem for me. It's not the belief itself that's the issue, but rather the vastly different world view and value system that would inevitably create friction.

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First off, well done. Mutual respect for religious difference is great.

I have a good friend who is engaged to a rather conservative Christian (she is a borderline Marxist atheist who works in scientific journalism). They make it work through focusing less on the spiritual stuff and enjoying the things that make them both happy. Having said that though I have noticed her orient herself more towards his way of thinking over time.

I think it’s highly contextual but if it works it works.

2

You're doing it right --good job! The woman I've been dating was trying to poo poo that Murphy's Law rules my life, telling me "I" control my life and in the next breath told me it was god's plan that her son is having "issues." Apparently it's ok to believe in fake god but not fake Murphy! Never let something like religion come between you. My ex-wife and I compromised: She could have her Christmas tree if I didnt have to have lights on the outside of the house.

lerlo Level 8 July 24, 2018
8

I consider religious belief delusional, so I couldn't do it.

Plus, I think I'd get tired of the missionary position.

Athena Level 8 July 24, 2018

Oh, but don't you know that Christians are really kinky? They're totally into bondage.

@resserts
But then they'll stone you to death afterward.

@Athena They're totally into snuff. I told you they're kinky.

0

Since god is not real, I simply do talk about or discuss religion at all. When she talk about it, and she does frequently, I just ignore it completely as if I do not hear her.

1

My girlfriend is a Catholic. I'm divorced and I have my kids every other week. When I have the kids she goes to Church and calls it her Catholic Sunday. When I don't have the kids, she stays with me and skips church. She calls it her Atheist Sunday. We just got back from a trip out west (Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, etc.) She kept saying "look at all of these beautiful things God created!", then look at us and smile. My kids and I would laugh each time she said it.

BD66 Level 7 July 24, 2018
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