I've had one of those rare moments of epiphany. When life gets really annoying I tend to berate God, asking if this is more of Thou's sense of humor, and a niece asked me why I do that if I don't believe in God? I mumbled something about not being literal in my ranting but needing something to blame. That question has stayed with me, however, and I've finally truly answered it.
It's really anger toward my parents for dying (dad) or ignoring my needs (mom) that I'm connecting to. Death is God's realm so denying Thou's existence gives me power over this Deity. While I intellectually see no reason for belief I have maintained a refusal to give up my childish demand for power over The Deity.
Maybe now I can do that and move on but I doubt it. I'm human, after all, and we don't really stop believing in nonsense.