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I ve been thinking about the concept of online dating. A friend of mine who has been there for me during the end of my marriage feels that any type of dating or online dating is a mistake for me right now. Particularly online dating, because it bypasses the natural order of things in which people meet socially. He thinks i should become more social in my city within my interest groups and meet people that way and overtime eventually Ill meet someone. But this attempting to fill a hole and become complete instead of learning to be complete with the hole first is not healthy. I remember months ago I made a profile on match.com just to look to distract me from my heart break over my marriage. I didn't join, just made a free profile. I looked at it again this week and my profile had over 100 views and I had like 50 emails. This kind of creeped me out. I deleted it. I also remember a time 8 or 9 years ago when I was single and out with a friend. A guy kept looking at me and when my friend went to the bathroom, he approached. "Your laura right? You are a nurse and you do triathlons?" I had never seen him in my life. I asked him how he knew and he said he had emailed me on match a while back and I hadn't responded. I played dumb and said I remembered him and made an excuse to not be rude. He then proceeded to follow us around uninvited and became drunken and socially embarrassing. Then he got into an altercation with another man right in front of us. My friend wanted to know how he knew me. I was mortified. ...So Im thinking I won't be joining any sites. But even though this is a dating site Im not leaving. I like the people I've met from this site and I like the conversations and groups. What is your opinion on online dating? Do you think it's healthy or unhealthy?

thatgirllaura 5 July 27
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17 comments

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0

How does anyone "date on line"? On-line is less personal than a phone call. One might "meet" on line, but I am at a loss to see how anyone could have a date on line.

0

Online dating is a little more risky than the actual face to face dating but really at the end of the day you’re gonna find jerks and scammers either way. Just listen to your instincts about how you feel about someone.

PaulD Level 5 July 29, 2018
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I think other than this site they are very limiting. At least hear people get into conversations and share ideas. If you find some one you are interested in you can check out their replies and get an idea how they think about life without knowing you might be interested in knowing them better. You can find out who is funny, who is smart, and who is responding with answers in order to impress women in general and not really being honest. I spot those on here from time to time. I wasn't planning on such a long winded response. Sorry about that. ☺

0

The biggest problem with dating sites is that they're' for profit enterprises' that have no oversight .
Theres an inherent conflict of interest involved in this that is so foundationally destructive as to make satisfied customers to be actually a failure of the bizzness model .
When / if you ever find a fully transparent dating site system where every available , local user is made available to you all at once so that you can choose from amongst all those that are in existence that you consider to be compatible with you
as opposed
to choosing between the few other ppl that the site incrementally makes available to you as a
method of financial kidnapping and extortion, then and only then will using a dating site not be an exercise in self-torture and russian roulette .

0

That exp of yours would freak me out so hard. He obviously "sleuthed" you prior. But damn, that was a long time ago back when it was a little harder to do.
I've been checked out online prior to meeting someone and me them. With so many fakes out there now it's foolish not to but stalkery-you've-never-made-contact-before. shudder

Qualia Level 8 July 29, 2018
1

very different experiences between men and women, women get a lot of interest from men, especially if they are attractive.

men get a lot of scammers mostly and only a little interest. haha, maybe just cuz I am an ugly old fart who doesn't make enough effort!

as they say, your mileage may vary

arnies Level 7 July 28, 2018
1

I think if you want to hang around and make some friends that's great. if you find somebody special great. if you don't you still got your friends.

1

Dunno. I met my last relationship, of nine years, on Match.com, but that was in 2002. It's the way many couples meet these days, since most currently single people are now older, so no longer hang at bars after work trying to pick up one night stands, or go to clubs.

0

That idiot following you round....to be fair you must've made quite an impression for him to recognise you and remember those details about you! I'd say dating sites as a rule are a bad idea that works well for somebody very occasionally. If you're comfortable with it, realistic and above all careful give it a try, I did for a while but got bored with all the bullshit.

Salo Level 7 July 28, 2018
1

What an awful experience. Hopefully it didn't deter you from socializing with other people. I don't think that online dating can be called either healthy or unhealthy in a general way. It's how the individual uses it. That troll you ran into was using it in a unhealthy way. I know numbers of people who have used it in a healthy way. Let your good sense be your guide.

1

You're nearly an expert already. You have seen part of how it can go wrong.
The web is designed for deception. It is also designed for maximizing contact numbers.
If you're inclined to try it after your experience and after reading the cautions here, then you probably should. It's a needle in a haystack, or a gold coin in a crap pile enterprise. Even the honest people have sides you won't discover for weeks.

"Even the honest people have sides you won't discover for weeks."
My exp w/men in general. The only men I've met IRL are in dog world. ?

@Qualia I'm not sure if dog world means you mingle with dog owners a lot, or if it refers to god spelled backwards.
To the other point, everyone has baggage, it seems. Maybe we need to meet someone who's baggage agrees with our own in some way.

@CallMeDave No I'm in dog world 95% of the people in my FB list show & or breed dogs. LOL
I've learned a lot about the parallax of people & online personas vs IRL by meeting in person & talking to them on the phone.

so yeah, sometimes you get a surprise, and they can vary. We're all onions. LOL

1

Unfortunately , there are a lot of scammers online . Follow this rule , never wire money to anyone you meet online . Think of their asking as a red flag . Something's not right when someone you're never met , suddenly tells you he wants to start a permanent long term relationship with you in a very short period of time , especially if he has a sudden catastrophy in his life and needs you to wire him money .

1

It's an ice breaker, but between email, phone calls, and finally meeting in a public place all without giving any private information you can meet someone. I've had a few relationships that unfortunately did not last. Their ending had nothing to do with how we met. Just be patient and picky, ask questions. That guy you ran in to who recognized you was one in a million chance.

0

I don't think it matters where or how you meet someone. Sometimes those first awkward meetings can be written off to just normal nervousness at meeting someone that really impresses you or you impressed him or her the same way. We are all weird strangers at first.

1

If you don't play... you can't win prizes. But... Only you can determine when and how. You have to feel Ready to go back to the arena. And there are on dating sites as many good people as around you about town. So many assholes in both places too. I reckon you will know where ever it is. I heard stories of married men on those sites. Some I am sure made a science of dating sites. Not my scene. But I met in a club in a dance competition a woman I dated for a while and she was married. She simply said "You never asked me if I was married". We were a good match and we could had gone the distance, she even met my mother and called her mom... but I couldn't trust her, I refused relocating with her. Best and only phone sex I ever had, not bitter, we still in touch. And yes, she is happy married. Watch out for the creeps... they are everywhere. Be careful and good luck.

0

What I think, is probably going to help you very little if at all. We're different individuals and our experiences shape us very differently. Your marriage ended in heartbreak, for which I'm truly sorry; the end of mine was a renewal for me. You look at online dating as a distraction, for me it's a resource.

I'm mortified for you by the oaf who thought that recognizing you from an online profile gave him the right to follow you and annoy you in public.

The first person I met and dated from an online profile now works at my neighborhood pharmacy. That could be awkward, considering we had just two dates and then she ghosted me... and now if she wanted she could have a lot of confidential information about me. But I just don't think about it. We greet each other politely, I pick up my scrips, and move on.

I prefer dating sites as opposed to hoping to meet someone randomly. Theoretically, everyone on a dating site is single and looking for a date. It makes it easier. I don't like hanging out in bars and restaurants by myself. I don't strike up conversations with strangers very easily. Ladies don't approach me. Except on dating sites.

Good luck, whatever you do. And please do stick around. This isn't really a dating site, as much as a discussion site where singles tend to hang out. 😉

2

Online dating give me the opportunity to meet men I ordinarily would not meet.

Studies show that 82% of people post old photos and lie about their age, weight, and/or height on their online dating profiles. Keep your expectation low. Be safe.

Remember: Nothing is real until you meet. I refuse to get twitterpated over a man before meeting.

Over the years, I have met about 100 men. And developed two loving relationships.

I tried E-Harmony (dreadful), Match.com, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid.

Fitness Singles, a paid site, works best for me.

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