Anger freaks me out. When I was younger, if a significant other reacted strongly I'd fold. I might be docile and compliant, but I'd be damned resentful. I still get freaked out with anger, but now I fight back or leave until heads are cooler. With age and distance I've learned to recognize the process and respond better.

Vaginismus is a stress response. One should see a therapist to get to the root of said stress and figure out how to relieve it. It could be caused by something completely unrelated to sex.

A lot of these other pain experiences could have a medical cause. Gynaecologists are there for more than just pap smears and mammograms.

Discussing the issue with one's partner goes without saying.

Fabulous article, I missed @HippieChick58 's original post. I am lucky that I have not experienced pain with sex. However I have slept with plenty of men that I didn't want to because I felt obligated to. I knew it was expected of me so I did it whether I wanted to or not. At 44 I'm finally learning that it's ok to say no. That I should be able to choose what happens to my body. It's still a weird concept to me though.

For me, what differenciates a good lover or experience from a bad one is simply if he pays attention to my body. Actually puts effort into pleasing me. Even minimal effort is appreciated. Listen to her moans or gasps. Keep doing what you're doing if she's into it. If she's not getting turned on (breathing fast, getting wet, etc.) then ASK what would feel good. As the article said, we're trained not to complain. Not to ask for what we want. Are there women out there who are vocal about what they want? Sure, and I admire the fuck out of them. But that's definitely not me or a lot of my female friends.