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Does anybody have any suggestions for dealing with hostile ex-spouses? I left my emotionally abusive husband one year ago and am awaiting our final divorce court date. If we didn't have a child together, I would obviously have nothing to do with him. But he continues to harangue me and tell me what a terrible person I am. I have to correspond with him and therefore end up reading way more nasty remarks than I care to. What are your favorite strategies for dealing with ongoing nastiness, considering that maiming and murder are generally frowned upon?

shebaloney 6 Aug 3
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9 comments

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Stand your ground and know that you are not as he is describing. He may be psyching himself up to be very tough in getting a bigger settlement and not feeling guilty about it.

My ex got really hostile just before our divorce was finalized. I think he was put up to it by his lady friend who wanted to make sure he had the guts to really screw me out of my own money. It worked - I finally just gave up and agreed to a very unfair settlement - to make the personal abuse stop. I should have hired an attorney, but I thought I could trust him to be fair.

When people need to justify their actions, sometimes they have to play the part. Stay firm and keep your self esteem - things will settle down - especially as it pertains to your child hopefully. Don't cave like I did. I wasn't strong enough to stand up to the nastiness - I had no emotional support on my side. I kept to myself, while he had a lady friend egging him on.

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Need to reconsider maiming and murder. Tell him you know two brothers in Jersey named Vinnie and Guido who work cheap!

Seriously. This makes me so angry. So sorry you are going through this.

People are seriously dysfunctional. Just had a woman on a dating site criticize me for not being interested for the wrong reason, not the one she supposed. Another woman criticized me severely for marrying a Ukrainian woman saying it was an insult to her and all American women? Really. That is racism!!

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Sounds like a Dr. Phil show ... maybe ?

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Replying only adds gas to a sick fire! Kill the fire with kindness ,, smother him with great sweets,, thanks,,,I'll take that into consideration... Never thought of that,,,thanks. Leave it at that, never respond in his terms,,, toss his thinking!!!

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I know a guy...

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Focus like a laser on what you have to do to get free. Respond to any inflamatory rhetoric with cold, complete , icey disregard. You are to be the extreme professiuonal in pursueing your freedom. Anything incendiary on his part is to be totally ignored. A record of any correspondence or interaction is a must.

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My soon to be ex is not abusive per se, she is however cruel and arrogant. I basically told her if it doesn't directly deal with the twins, we don't talk. I don't know if that would help you in your situation. Sorry you're going through this.

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If it is just written abuse, my advise is to completely ignore it. Keep it and show it to your legal representative, in case it is required at any later stage should he escalate to more serious abuse.

@shebaloney I know it’s easy to give advice, and it must be hard for you to have to put up with it, but maybe when the divorce is final he will move on and stop the aggro. I wish you the very best for the future for you and your child.

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Restraining order, excluding emails for talking about the child (bonus because now you have a record!) & apply to the court for supervised visitation, including pick-up delivery of the child in a public place like McD's or the police station.
Call your local abuse hotline, they can give you lots of advise that applies to your specific area's laws.....you can also call Legal Aid and talk to them. Even if still married, he has NO right to spew venom at you or anyone alse!

@shebaloney a word of caution...i was a battered wife a long time ago...verbally & physically, I still have mental & physical scars, so I know what can happen. This is a very volatile situation for both of you and that Never brings out the best in people, particularly those with anger issues. Never be alone with him! NEVER! No matter how nice he gets ( and that in itself should raise a flag!) Always Meet publicly, if at all. Better safe than sorry! Best wishes to you, and remember to treat yourself extra-kindly every chance you get.

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