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My blood pressure has been pretty high lately. A few days ago I had visited my mother (and as some of you may remember she had quite a nasty fall in her home last month) and one of the first things she mentioned was thanking god for her relatively speedy recovery from what she had went through last month. She then proceeded to ask me when I was going to get baptized, which in turn led to an argument with her over beliefs. Being that there are a few in my family who can get rather militant albeit violent at times with their beliefs, I keep my atheism to myself. As hard as I try there just is no way to get those who have been thoroughly brainwashed by religious faith to think about things from an independent perspective. Aside from her delusional beliefs, I love and respect my mother, it's just getting more difficult to converse with her when religion is mentioned, and every time that happens I can feel my blood pressure skyrocket. All I can say is that I am thankful for this site, I can vent here and it helps me get by. Life can be downright miserable at times when most of those around you live in their own delusional dreamworlds and try to push that insanity on you. Be that drop of reason in a pool of insanity.

SpikeTalon 9 Aug 5
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9 comments

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1

When I told my mom I’m an atheist she genuinely cried, still wants me to be religious, etc. but because I have ALWAYS been incredibly honest she knows that’s just how it is and I’m not going to be apologetic christianed into believing the Bible. Fuck knows she tried the mental gymnastics routine too.

1

You can try to veiled truth— I’ll get baptized when I truly feel Jesus in my heart but you should only come to Christ when you’re fully open to accept him and his teachings and I’m just not there yet, but it’s not a thing to rush. Heart of hearts... run.

0

Have you heard of the technique called Broken Record? You just do not engage, even though she does. You do not let her control whether you speak about it. Like this.

Mom: When are you going to get baptized?

You: You and I do not and never will agree on religion. Talking about it has really worsened our relationship. I prefer not to talk about religion anymore. Have you seen Sarah lately? (or whatever it is you DO want to talk to her about; PLAN THIS!)

Mom: You really need to get baptized. Your Uncle Henry does not want to die with you still unbaptized.

You: I feel that talking about religion really destroys our relationship. I would really prefer we just not fight about it. I was hoping to ask you if you have seen Sarah lately? I am wondering how she is. Her last letter seemed mournful.

Mom: Son, you are just wrong not to be baptized, or go to church, and you make Uncle Henry and Aunt Henrietta so upset!

You: Mom, I feel that talking about religion destroys our relationship. I would prefer not to talk about religion.

Mom: You know you will go to Hell when you die. And God will punish me too, for not raising you right!

You: I feel that talking about religion destroys our relationship. I would really prefer not to talk about it, and if it is all you can talk about I am afraid I will have to end this conversation.

Mom: What are you afraid of? That you might open your eyes and feel Jesus?

You: I really feel that talking about religion is destroying our relationship, and if we can't talk about something else I think we have talked enough. Can we talk about Sarah or not?

That was fun!! lol. You can see the broken record part. Although repeating the exact same words would be difficult or harsh, keep on message and add as little as you can. She will jump on anything you say, so try to avoid any elaboration or new reasons. You see how she jumped on you wanting to end the conversation? 😀 She would jump on any small chance you gave her, to distract you from your message; to make you engage; to change the tune.

Actually I should have used "Talking about religion really raises my blood pressure, and my doctor has told me to avoid stress."

rather than saying it is destroying the relationship. Choose the topic. But then stick with it.

@LionMousePudding Can't say it's flat out destroying our relationship, just straining things a bit perhaps. I'm to a point where I'm mostly going to ignore her from now on if and when the topic comes up.

@SpikeTalon And I worked so hard on that! ???

1

My goodness, I can relate to this post! I am the drop of reason in my family and it's a lonely place to be at times.

Very lonely at times. Still, I'd rather be a bit lonely than a religious fanatic.

1

I take it you can't just agree to disagree, because she won't leave it alone? That's tough. This is the kind of situation that would cause me to distance myself from someone, maybe even turn my back on completely.

Tricky situation indeed. I thought about breaking off all contact, but that's easier said than done as my father is long deceased and I have no siblings, so aside from me she doesn't really have anyone else close by who she could rely on for help and she dealt with some minor health-related issues recently. That's where this site comes in, which I find has been a big help in getting me by the rough days, knowing that I'm not alone and there are plenty of others out there who could relate.

1

It’s wonderful that you want to take care of your mother but you won’t be able to if you don’t take care of yourself. Let her know nicely that you don’t want to talk about religion and if she insists excuse yourself and leave. As in a previous post keep visits short. Hopefully this will work. Please take care of yourself.

1

It has been my experience that the older generation were more ingrained in religion than we are today. Religion in the early part of the last century had a tighter grip on the citizens and growing up within that environment would have been comforting to the majority. Trying to change the mind of someone who has been devout for their lifetime is a fruitless endeavor and could cause them distress.

That said, have you ever asked your mom about her childhood and her relationship with the church? You may gain some insight that would help you understand her and in the process might strengthen your relationship with her and that might help your blood pressure problem. Maybe by opening that line of conversation with her you could end up by making an agreement to respect each others choice.

I don't know if this will help you or not, I do know that I would rather have a better relationship with my mom than have regrets later on.

Betty Level 8 Aug 6, 2018

I have tried to do just that, but unfortunately my mother is about the worse type of believer out there, she will not even consider listening to any views that could contradict hers. In that sense, I was not very lucky to be born to someone who is that rigid in their beliefs. I often change the subject when religion gets mentioned. Thank you for the feedback, it is much appreciated.

@SpikeTalon Have you had your blood pressure taken,and are you on any medications for it? Uncontrolled pressure can affect the small blood vessels in the eyes,affecting vision,the kidneys and the chance of an anyurism in a weaken artery or blood vessel.

@Mike1947 I've had it taken but are on no medications. Some readings were high, so I'm trying not to get stressed out.

@SpikeTalon

Deep breathing often helps to lower blood pressure and stress. 🙂

2

As your health is at risk you need to be firm. If she starts on religion nicely tell her that you won’t discuss it and that you will have to leave if she continues. And then do it but explain gently at the same time that you will be back tomorrow and that you love her.

And do that every time, she will either get the message or you’ll be making a lot of short visits. Either way your blood pressure will thank you. You need to love and take care of your mum, she’s the only one you’ll ever have, but at the same time you have a right not to be coerced.

3

I’m sorry your mother had a bad fall. It is hard to deal with family. It feels like a betrayal when they won’t even consider an option other than what they believe is right. Whether it be religion, sexuality, or weight. I always end up feeling as though I’m not loved for me. That I have to change myself in order for them to love me. As I’ve grown older, I realize that it wouldn’t matter how mych I gave up or how much I changed, they would always find something wrong. It is their only way of having anything to discuss with me.

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