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19 9

Social anxiety anyone? Most posts,comments,or replies I make either A: are rewrote 3-4 times and each time reflected on. (Is this coming across right,who can get offended and do I care?) Or B: posted in an off mood and read later then reflected on going did I really post that? It seems the only time I don't have this issue is at work when I throw on the mask of complete control and don't give myself time to think running purely on instinct. Any one else have this issue and possible duel system?

Myranta 5 Jan 18

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1

I once posted something on here trying to clue the girls in on how the male mind works. They all jumped on me and raked me over the coals. So now I am very careful about what I say. Another time I posted something funny and got absolutely no action on it. I added a couple of words and reposted it and everybody liked and commented on it. Sometimes it is hard for me to convey my mischevious, grin in words.

0

My social anxiety manifests itself when I'm with people, not at social media sites. That's why I've been single for over 10yrs; it's very hard to meet someone when you don't go anywhere and distrust dating sites.

0

In today's social media troll environment editing your online postings is spreading joy to the world. I have only deleted one of my posts on this site and then reposted a more coherent version. Otherwise I'm ok at letting go of what I've posted in the past. I like to think of my posts on social media as a history of my growth. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

1

I'm like @stinkeye_a (Kay). In person I was too shy to talk so I found writing worked better. Good writers revises until it says exactly what they want, so join the club. You're not alone.

I have found that leaning heavily on written communication has actually hamstrung me, somewhat, verbally--in that I frequently pause too long when I'm trying to find the perfect words (so that people jump in and finish my sentences for me--gahh!) and I tend to repeat myself, as if I could erase my spoken words and rewrite them as I think up better ways to express myself. I can't help thinking like a writer when I speak, I guess. I suppose this makes me seem dull, slow, and unsure of myself to most. Whatever. Anyone who can't tell I'm thinking very carefully about what I'm saying is not someone I care to get close to.

@stinkeye_a and anyone who finishes sentences for you is rude. Stuttering is the same--wait patiently for the person to finish.

0

I have significant social anxiety in meatspace, almost none online.

Sometimes I worry about angering someone with my comments. I'm such a weepy little snowflake I can't stand the idea of causing any bad feelings. So I rewrite or decide not to comment sometimes. Written communication is my forte, so it's usually not a problem. Any place where I can be known by my writing is heaven.

Meatspace is my personal hell.

0

I have PTSD. It causes severe anxiety. I can't do anything without a triple check

0

I use to and I don't recommend they way I got rid of it, I had a stroke. But I'm fine now. But when I did struggle with social anxiety it even carried over into work. I would try to find ways to purposely not to interact with people. I could handle a small group (1-3 people) but large groups I would freak out go quiet and put my "serial killer" face (that's what I was told I look like). But since the stroke I can handle more people. All I can say is therapy and medication, if you can afford it.

0

At work you have to be more decisive critical stuff making an error cost money so you are more aware. Posting here you are in a more relaxed state enjoyment so your ego is not as stressed so you feel comfort to make an error here you ultimately know you are able to edit it.

0

I have experienced this and it's predominately due to being challenged with dyslexia. Grammar police (and one just posted recently) will be quick to judge others' intellect and focus on errors rather than content.

With that being said, I think it never hurts to pause and reflect before hitting 'submit comment' so long as the final result is a genuine expression of your honest opinion and not watered down to gain approval.

@FortyTwo I use an app called Grammarly. It has been a good tool and it's free. You will get a green dot in the bottom right corner of the comment box if you don't have any errors. A red dot will tell you that you do, with a red underline under the word(s) or sentence, which you can click on to get the corrections (click on the correction). It's not perfect but it's been very helpful for me.

[grammarly.com]

0

Not really-I'm pretty spontaneous and my responses never change. I say whats on my mind. I may ask myself "did I really say that" but I never revise it.

1

what is the worst that could happen?

1

I am kinda the same in that regard. mostly i will edit a comment or post due to grammar or spelling errors mostly. I try to take into consideration of peoples feelings but since we are all suppose to be free thinkers, i don't obsess over it

6

Quick to do a self-analysis … I don’t know.. My ‘problem’ may be responding to ‘the main question’ of a post, without delving into the associated nuances, and, refusing or rarely first reading how others have responded… I’ll feel too eager to share hard earned knowledge, occasionally deleting loads ..and still post too much 🙂

It’s my off season from work, so I’ve far more time than usual. I’d shown up at a social event recently ..and communicating with ‘real live people’ felt weird… I wondered if it’s not because of all the time I’ve been spending around here..? It’s like I’m getting my fill of social interaction amid like minded people.. thus finding it easier to avoid ‘real life/ time’ gatherings. Generally outward going ..I’m now wondering...

Varn Level 8 Jan 18, 2018

"It’s like I’m getting my fill of social interaction amid like minded people.. thus finding it easier to avoid ‘real life/ time’ gatherings."

I used to overthink this with concern until I realized that avoiding "real life/time' gatherings around people who need to talk about god all the time was in my best interest.

@VictoriaNotes As long as I’m aware of it.. My last meeting was work related, so I made an effort to ..engage a bit more. I think it worked. Also, if not mostly, I’m a long way from home… Nearing 2 years in a small town 3K from my previous home in Oregon.. Self inflicted, but that can still hurt 😟

@Akfishlady The town I’m in is kinda tiny, too. It’s a little tourist mecca, with prices to match.. And the affordable bars are filled with guys I’d best not practice my Atheism on 🙂 It’s been lonely, and cold! I’d considered ‘wintering with relatives’ back in Oregon, but couldn’t think of any, or a combination of I take for ..months ~

@Akfishlady A small tourist town on Virginia’s Blue Ridge Plateau… Honestly, I’ve fallen in love with it, and there are all kinds of ..do-gooder organizations to hang with. I’ve met some wonderful folks and definite friends … but I think it’s the ‘alone time’ that gets to me.. I can be walking alone, spot a Queen Anne’s Lace ..be instantly transported to the coastal foothills of Oregon, and fight back tears. Gurrrrr ~

3

I had a couple of posts I wrote when I had an "off mood" and I made one anonymous and the other I was able to delete. Happens to everybody.

I think there are good ways and bad ways of writing a post, and as you write more you get better at it

9

I don't wish the anxiety on you, but rethinking and rewriting isnt a bad thing. I applaud you for the conscientiousness. On a forum of strangers where sensitive issues are discussed, it is too easy to be misunderstood. We have to accept that misunderstandings and offenses will happen no matter what, but it's prudent to minimize it where possible.

4

Is there really a dual system? Do you have to present your ideas to a large group (hundreds) of people at work? Will your coworkers ask probative questions or challenge your premises?

I work in corrections so anything that can be taken as a weakness (I.E. timidness,soft spoken, overly self-conscious) and the population will get out of hand. Not following policies set forth for them. So I guess the duel system is really just a mask I throw on when the door locks behind me. I'm usually working between 50-80/1 so the idea of control is constantly presented. <side note this is rewrite 2 lol>

@Myranta I work out with a bunch of corrections guys at Gold's Gym. I have become friends with many of them. So i know what your work culture is all about. You actually need a dual system due to your occupation. You are dealing with different types of thinking (primitive verses contemplative). I respect you a lot because of the dangers you face daily. I wouldn't worry about your comfort level on this site. From what I can tell in the short time I've been here we are an inquisitive and supportive community. I average 2 rewrites per post or comment. 1 for spelling (wish they added autocorrect) and the other for coherency. Welcome and please share your unique perspective. For example I am curious if you noticed how many inmates become religious while incarcerated?

It's hard to put a % on jailhouse jesus but it was probably one of the things I noticed not long into my career. But the number would be quite high.

@Myranta I guess its the same everywhere. They even call it jailhouse jesus here too.I bet you have seen some things too. My buddy's at county have told me about a few things but mostly it's on the DL.

Seen enough to feel more sorry for the ones we call bleeding hearts than angry at them for being angry at us.

@Myranta No doubt! But you got to keep a lid on it. You're the one that gets to go home after a shift. That's all in your control! Are you working your way up the chain?

Slowly. I watch the chain and haven't decided if the headache is worth it. Although many of my coworkers push me to go for stripes and say they would gladly work under my command.

@Myranta I've got buddies at various levels in corrections. It's kind of a dog eat dog journey in every profession i guess. I put 25 in DOD related work until i retired. I was also a musician my whole life. It's a hobby that turned into a profession. That's what i do now. I own a recording studio and I perform when I want to.

2

You sound a lot like me. At work I'm in complete control, but I have trouble talking to people in social situations. Posting on here, not so much. I just try to make it short and easy to understand what I'm saying, and I don't worry about it.

3

no, I try and be polite and diplomatic, I also hope the audience has a tough skin

@irascible as you guys already seen at times I snap back at times because is my nature. No harm intended. This is a playground, everything goes but there was no bully in my 60's elementary school playground safe from a filled with stones metal lunchbox hard over the head. I never showed any fear of ending in the principal office. Or afraid of size. Hell, you fight a big guy, no little guy will ever think that it can take you. And yet after all those years you won't find a more gentler man. It is just that you will never get to see the other cheek. Navy uses a shot across the bow approach in every confrontation. Is the only warning they are going to get. At times my only problem is a blanket statement without provision of layers. Like the scientist that told me once everything I throw in the air will hit the floor, is a proven fact. He threw the ball in the air... I catched the damn ball. Put it in my pocket and walked away from the room. I could hear him screaming you interrupted the experiment. I yelled back it is cause and effect Idiot and it is now my ball.

@atheist he still wants his ball back... I have no idea where it is. Wonder if he cries at night for the ball not hitting the floor.

9

No duel system with me. But I think that reflecting on what you have done or written is not a bad thing.

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