Well your situation mirrors mine to a eerie degree. My wife is very devoted to her faith. I spoke to her about my doubts and conclusions over several months. When I finally told her I was a atheist she was ready to leave me. It has gotten better since, but she still can't discuss it with me. I think perhaps she thinks that I am going through a phase or that the devil has me.

Christianity is not everything your marriage is built on. You are still you, give her some time to come to terms with that. Do not forget that to you this is the end conclusion of evidence and logic, for her it is an attack on a world view and who she feels she is. Also she might be upset you are "going to hell" and this coupled with a perceived betrayal is tough.

I really had a tough time with this at the time. If you need to talk message me and I will give you my number. Wish you the best.

When I finally had the talk with my wife, yes I am a very lucky man, she was relieved. She had refrained from coming out herself for 2 years. We both believe that many need the comfort of the myths and as long they do not use those myths to control my life we are content for them to have their security blanket.

I feel sorry for you that your wife feels your entire marriage is built on christianity. Integrity, strength, morality, intelligence, wit, dedication, honesty, humor, kindness, compassion & other characteristics I cherish in my relationships have nothing to do with religion. I would hope she sees you for so much more than a religious choice.

This is unfortunate.

My prior / late wife had pretty much realtime communication from me about where I was at existentially and she was not threatened at all by the direction things were heading in. I guess probably a couple of years before she died she knew I was an atheist. She regarded it as unfortunate but not particularly relevant to our relationship, which was not "built on" her rural Methodism (or my rural non-denominationalism), but on mutual respect and interests and a shared life that had a lot in it besides church.

It may have helped that she had bigger fish to fry than to have ass-kicking contests about beliefs, but I like to think it just wouldn't have been a big deal even if she weren't dying.

That your wife has the notion that "everything" in your marriage is built on Christianity may be her actual belief ... and an implicit threat. Or it may just reflect her fear that you'll become a different person or that some magic fairy dust will disappear from the marriage or something. Could go either way.

if this is a recent development for you you may want to make sure your certain and confident in your decision so you can at least give your spouse the reasoning behind your life change with well thought out arguements.
Its sounds like you know what the outcome will probably end up being but is there anything else you are risking children home parents or job ? i don't envy you but good luck

I come from a white missionary background, but came out as agnostic only this year, realizing that I've not believed in the church for decades.

I was the one who defriended/blocked every Haiti MK (missionary kid) childhood friend or relative who posted Trump support memes, or memes that mocked minorities.

Since 85% of white evangelicals voted for Trump, my Christian friends were mostly Trump supporters, as it turned out.

I would message the people first and say that I objected to their racist posts/memes, and if they started insulting me, I defriended/blocked them.

I don't hang with religious people (who are almost always Trump supporters also) and if I realize someone I'm friends with is a Christian, I distance myself from them immediately.

With mutual respect and an appreciation of what you share together, differences in religious beliefs don't have to be made into a problem.

Good luck.

Talk about thin ice, and one of our legs just broke through? Counseling may, or may not resolve this,My late wife and I were never religious,even though married in a Ministers house in California,the need to attend Church never came up,but we had some crosses in our home hallway.

I married an atheist, then my wife became Christian. It was a disaster. She seemed to lose all ability to think rationally. I would give her evidence that something (like a some form of multilevel marketing product) was a scam, and she would say:

"Well I choose to believe in it"