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Why I didn't report it... My experience. Don't care if anyone reads it. I just had to write it for some equilibrium from this week's news.

I'm sure I'm not alone in experiencing flashbacks triggered by the recent news coverage regarding a high school sexual assault. I can vouch for the fact there are many reasons a teen age girl is not going to call the police about such an embarrassing crime, right after the incident.

When I was walking to high school, alone, back in the early 70's, I was often stalked and followed by an older boy who, oddly enough, played bag pipes for me from across the street or behind me, trying to get my attention at 7:10-7:20am. I ignored him and would cross the street trying to avoid him, yet he continued to play and follow me for several blocks. He was a musical prodigy, so his name and family were known to me.

One day, as I was walking home from school, this boy came at me from around a corner hidden by bushes, without his bag pipes this time. Obviously waiting for me, he sexually molested me right there on the sidewalk. It was brief, but I remember the exact words he said to me as he did it. Then he quickly continued walking past me, while I hurried home. I was shocked and shaking!

I didn't tell my mom when I got home, because to be honest, my dad had been molesting me in the same way, for years and she didn't say anything about that, so what is a girl to do about a weird boy from school doing a similar thing? If that was molestation, then why isn't what dad was doing called molestation too? I was confused and remember being tormented by what I should do about the incident.

This boy knew he did something wrong, because he hurried away and I never saw him again. In person anyway. And funny thing, my mom must have suspected something had happened, or maybe had heard of other attacks in the area, because she began to pick me up from school for a while after that.

A few years later, this guy's picture was on the front page of the entertainment section of The Seattle Times, our local paper. This guy had become a "world class" musician and was giving a concert in Seattle, his home town, while on a world tour, as the article said. This made me wonder how many other girls he had molested in his travels.

I did tell my mother about it then, since this guy was on the cover of the paper, and the article was talking about what a respected musician he was. She said she thought something like that must have happened. (??! Then why didn't she ask me? That's the kind of odd relationship I had with my mother. She had blinders on when it came to what my dad was doing to me, but felt protective against strangers.)

Anyway, fast forward to 2018. Today, I checked to see where this guy is now... He makes and sells musical instruments in Seattle. Okay. BUT if he were to be running for public office, where he could be the deciding voter on big issues that affect the treatment of women, then yes a red flag would be raised, and I'd be waving it.

At the very least, it should be expected that he should admit what he had done, recognize it was wrong, and apologize in honesty. To lie about attacking a woman, or to dismiss it as being inconsequential should be a disqualifying factor in such an esteemed position, as a supreme court judge.

This sexual molestation, which happened to me so many years ago, is only one of many bad experiences I've had at the hands of men, and certainly not the worst, by far. But this is the memory that has been triggered this past week by the recent events happening with the Kavanaugh hearings. #whyIdidntreportit

Julie808 8 Sep 23
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8 comments

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My heart goes out to you, I must say though that I think the molestation by your father is the one that is the worst and most disturbing. What was in your motherโ€™s head, knowing about what your father was doing to you? As for the musician, who knows unless someone else has the courage to come forward....maybe he did molest others but we donโ€™t know that. I am sure your story is not unique and that the figures would be horrifying if we knew of all the cases. I hope revealing it to us here has had the effect of at least getting rid of the burden of carrying this around with you in silence. We are good listeners and are completely in your corner.

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sorry couldnt read your post but pretty sure i know whats there. For some reason in reply to a post yesterday asking whether people would be willing to report a prev assault no matter how long ago i suddenly was a child again i have been avoiding anything to do with what seems another powerful figure avoiding justice again. Hope you are doing as ok as you can ๐Ÿ‘

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Thank you for sharing your story. I truly hope it brings others out of the shadows and fear. What you experienced is horrific and unfortunately too common. Itโ€™s need to be one of societyโ€™s goals to raise our young people to know this is not OK. We shouldnโ€™t ever treat another human this way.

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Thank you for sharing.

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Thank you for sharing. It is a painful story. But important for people to know.

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Yeah..I was sexually assaulted by a doctor relative during a supposed physical exam for our mission when I was 15 years old. I told my mom but got crickets.

I did report him to the medical board when I was in my 30s, though.

Many other incidents (from my life anyway) that were hard to talk about decades ago, as parents were ill equipped to deal with things, and children weren't sure what to do with their experiences. My siblings and I confronted our Mom decades after we became adults, trying to come to terms with why she allowed us to be abused, while seemingly caring about us in other ways.

After all was spilled, my mom took me to a child psychologist (when I was 40) to deal with the trauma I dealt with in my pre-teen and early teen life, due to her blinders. A little late, but she eventually pretended to care a bit before she died. Life goes on - and we learn from our experiences to build shells around us and treat ourselves kindly.

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i am sorry and angry at the people involved that you had to experience that, and experience it without support. i understand why you did not report it. it is hard for a child to know what to do in any event. you seem quite articulate about it, which doesn't mean inside you're not still hurting, but it means you do have an advantage: you can explore and examine and heal better than some. i am glad for that and hope it has served you well. i hope you continue to heal and that having shared this with us helps.

g

Thanks. Yes, writing out my feelings has always been a saving factor for me. I have healed myself quite well regarding a lot of issues from my past life. However I still haven't figured out how to ignore inevitable triggers. All in all, it's perhaps a good thing that triggers can still affect us and remind us of work that still needs to be done, and they also provide a look back at how far we've come, even if by baby steps.

@Julie808 i have triggers, for quite different reasons, and i don't know how to deal with them other than to hide my reactions, which isn't always helpful. i wish both of us good luck!

g

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