For some reason I get draw up in these debates over whether or not Jesus was gay. I’ve spent a lot of time studying Jesus, and, as a gay man, I don’t think he was.

First of all, he only had one pair of shoes. And no one in his entourage traveled with luggage. And if Jesus were gay he would have had separate outfits for his Sermon on the Mount, for the Cleansing of the Temple, and for the Last Supper. And when he rode into Jerusalem for the triumphal entry, if he were gay, there would have been two donkeys: one for him, and one for his makeup kit.

If you're a gay messiah, making your way to your last supper, you had better look "Fabulous."