I just shared with a friend of 35 yr, that I am on Agnostic.com and silence...Now, I know this person very well and when she can't handle something she want get back to you anytime soon. We started out long ago exploring spiritual development, but I veered off in a different direction and she moved into another area where it was mostly evangelicals. I saw that she seemed conflicted anytime religion was brought up, so I stopped talking about it at all...so I guess she has freaked out! She does tend to do this...life just never goes in a straight line!
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sometimes people are quite and don’t know how to act to certain things...I ponder the thought over and over many times until I can make sense of it.. maybe this person wii get back to you soon!!
Dwizzle
Level 4
Jan 31, 2018
0
This may be 'the straw that broke the camel's back' I will truly be surprised if she comes around! Haven't told any of the relatives either...but they already consider me 'way out there!'
It is easy for us, and everyone, to see the agnostic/atheist hat as being very empty and negative space. Perhaps take the time to explain to her, and to yourself if needed, that you are finding new ways to understand love, life, and other people? Explain that you are finding great strength from your inner self, from your Earthly relationships, and from the daily wonders that surround you, from lightening storms to ocean waves to children's laughter and kittens playing. Explain the power of life without needing a pompous ass to lecture you about your shortcomings once a week?
Dick_Martin
Level 7
Jan 31, 2018
0
That is so.apropo...my friend corrected me a lot in the past and i tried to bring her along with logic and now i think my friend would like to be where I am, but she cannot connect what i have become to some of OUR learning processes. As we aged, she became more closed off and I did the opposite!
@Freedompath, one of the tasks I set for my self through life has been to seek out those magical moments where we connect with the Earth. Sitting on the porch watching the lightening, the ocean at night and focusing on the crashing of the waves, walking in a soft Spring rain. We can't do it anymore, but the airport viewing deck at night. Sailing, or any non-motoring boat time. The absolute silence of walking at night during a snow fall. I found that when I removed a god from the equation those times are even more emotionally moving.
@Dick_Martin I completely agree...and I might add, I feel more 'whole'...
Sometimes one must put their values above their friendships.
I have a friend from HS. We lost contact for almost 29 years (geography) but when I resettled back to Seattle we cnnected again. He has grown in the exact direction as I. When I visit him it is non-stop talking and no silence.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Jan 31, 2018
0
Was it luck or something else? I had similar experience. I had not seen my highschool friend, in 60 yrsrs...and she located me somehow when I moved back here and invited me to a reunion of our basketball team. She was always a delight back in school...well, that was about the worst meeting for me, with my old teammates and even the coach! ALL, were evangelicals, using their religious words, to try and connect...I couldn't believe they were ever, part of my life! I never went back again...I WAS a bull in a China shop with them! I feel a little sad, as I needed them back in the day, but I can't go back...
@Freedompath My friend and I were close in HS. He and I had a lot in common and after graduation did a lot of things together. The army came along and took me away from the area but we stayed in touch. I moved to Europe and we lost touch. Years later I wanted to return to the area and was able to relocate him. I needed a connection to get settled (us - I had a new partner). We had both changed but exactly along the same path. My partner and I split up but I found and married another woman. He has never had a partner, male or female, but didn't care. He became close to my new partner and when she died he was very upset. We stay in contact and when I go to Seattle I always stay with him. All of us were atheists.
@JackPedigo how nice it is to have a friend lIke that...makes life worthwhile! I do have some friends like that, but they came later in life...
35 years. If you are good friends then you each know where all the bodies are buried. 
Sounds like her M.O. is to withdraw, go through the emotions and ponder about her options.
I predict she will contact you in her own time and when she does let her do the talking. She'll have a rehearsed statement and/or questions for you. Answer them without defending yourself. When she is finished then you will know where you stand and can decide what your next move is.
I had a friend years ago that withdrew when upset. The last time was for six months, the friendship didn't last but we ended it without hard feelings. Your friendship has a better chance as it spans about half of your adult life.
That's my two cents worth. Good luck. 
Betty
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
1
Yes, we will see...thanks!
My life is just a bent line.
Sarahroo29
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
1
...I guess that when we run into or stuck on a straight life line...we must find something worthwhile to us and 'keep on keeping on'...
Sorry you heard only silence. Hopefully she will move beyond her fear and realize the value of your freindship.
silverotter11
Level 9
Jan 31, 2018
1
My feeling is, that is doubtful! In fact we kinda got into a heated discussion about fear a couple of weeks ago! Just for example...years back when she was selling her house and locating to her present location, i.got on her roof to cut limbs that were laying on the roof...and she went into a panic mode, even though I was perfectly capable and there was no problem! I would say, thst she is fearful of my lack of fear!!! I felt like we have been teetering on a fence for some time. ..and I think she intends to sit there!!! lol
Just tell her:
"Look, this is me and it's where I am. I am still your friend even if you no longer want to be mine. I respect your beliefs even if I don't share them. Call me if there's ever something you want to avoid talking about."
PS, Never take El-loco's advice.
El-loco
Level 7
Jan 31, 2018
4
like that twist
This is so much like her..."theres ever something you want to avoid talking sbout.'
Oops! As Arnold might say, "She'll be back!" It is funny how people react though about religion. My older brother and I were atheists when much younger, and we were close. Then he got religion. We're not close anymore. There's more than just religion involved, but it's relevant certainly. But you gotta be what you are, I say.
David1955
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
3
I believe there is the same thing here...my friend is a very fearful person and I am the opposite, sometimes she wants what I have found, at other times, she recoils. I am sure I show some impatience with that, because it is not useful for good living!
I try to avoid this scenario by letting people know (when the opportunity arises, tactfully) that I am an atheist. If they recoil in horror, I know there can be no possibility of a lasting friendship. One of the reasons I joined this site!
RobCampbell
Level 7
Jan 31, 2018
5
Sorry. If you really miss her as a friend let her cool of for a bit then try to be friends again. Don't demand or give any appologies, just be. If she really can't accept you that is sad, but her issue not yours.
MsAl
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
4
That's a fact...!
her loss
LeighShelton
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
3
Yes, I could have passed on even more 'stuff' that I am getting out of my new adventure...
exactly
I guess you’ve got us, and the clock starts now! 
To me, the ‘wishy washy’ friends were/ are perhaps the worst... At least you know where the screaming fundies or raving rednecks stand
Talked with my mother a few weeks back ..and she was rattled. Into her 80’s, she’d had ‘that’ conversation with her only sister, a younger sister. Seems her midwest kin remain ‘trump supporters,’ and love their religion! She said the exchange had made her sick… I had to remind her that if she stood her kids up against my corn-fed cousins ..she’s a lot to be proud of. Poor mom.. the only one of five siblings not mired in religion..
Should we look forward to lonesome..? In the working world, at least seasonally, I meet a lot of youth, ‘organic youth.’ How refreshing! And, as I’ve mentioned, I’m a long way from what had been home ..so am making new friends. My only connection with ‘the old friends’ is either facebook, phone or email … no more spending the day with them.. But I get to be very selective picking new friends. It’s tuff, though, in rural Virginia.. But if they’re into religion, even a bit ..personal history has taught me we can become only ‘so close,’ so lately I’m passing ~
Varn
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
3
Sad about mom's situation, one in five, would be like the 'black sheep story!' And it hurts worse in our last years! At least she has you! I think I have learned how to hurt, so it hurts differently, now! There comes a time, we must turn people loose and love them from a distsnce, I want slow up my life to fit in hers!
Varn:
@Freedompath Talked with my mom yesterday, and told her about ‘here,’ again.. Don’t know that I’d want her joining ..and finding all I’ve had to say... Think I’m safe, though, she can barely operate her phone Yes, she was the ‘black sheep,’ but respected, having earned her rural school state awards then educating herself far beyond college, while raising 4 more atheists Actually, she takes great pride in being ‘the one’ of her generation my many cousins confide in regarding their lack of religion, makes me proud ~
@Varn ...about that not knowing if you want the people close to you to read all your thoughts...i.had the same thought! But, over the last few years, I have allowed more and more of my 'inner' self to come out, even with strangers and it is liberating! I have a relative on here and it feels just fine! Some things need to be done by degrees, otherwise it pushes us too far out in left field, though! (No word from friend, lol)
Varn:
@Freedompath Funny, I’m generally as up front publicly with my atheism as feels safe, but lately, after participating around here, it’s become easier to describe it to ‘ordinary others.’ A good thing! I generally say too much.. and would/ will be instantly ID’d by friends, but they’ll be atheist friends ...let your friend settle ~
Hmm. Evangelical is a real problem. They have a real emotional stake in their beliefs, and they are really down on non-believers.
I had a sort of friend who tried to convert me, and it appears she was dead scared of hell.
That can be a powerful fear as well as incentive. I have never been able to find a way past the blockage.
BanjoTango
Level 5
Jan 31, 2018
2
Yes...these people are truely block off...
Straight lines can get boring
Rudy1962
Level 9
Jan 31, 2018
1
I know...but why do they seem to come when you least expect them...like you turned to look the other way and bam, blind sided! Lol
I had something similar happen. It sucks.
Lucy_Fehr
Level 8
Jan 31, 2018
0
Trying to be what other people need us to be sucks, too! I am taking the high road now...how about you?
@Freedompath The friendship no longer exists. We had been friends since the mid 70s so I think I overlooked how one sided the friendship was but she started saying racist shit and I called her on it. She tried to make me feel guilty with the "I thought I could say anything to you and not be judged" crap
Funny how the more religious she became, the more verbal her racism was. Or perhaps the trump climate emboldened what was already there. Hell if I know.
But what kind of friend uses the N word to someone that has mixed grandchildren?
@SherryMartin it does seem to be a 'sign of the times!' I never heard this much garbage in the past, by people who said things and had no idea anybody was 'looking'!
I’m sympathetic, young, and inexperienced in the matter; but telling her sounds like a better plan than lies to me.
Funandfondles
Level 6
Jan 31, 2018
2
It did to me as well...but at first I thought it was just something I would keep for myself, then I realized I have been trying to come though to her, for a long time. I need to live with my truth, for my last years!
@Freedompath it’s painful to keep the truth from somone close to you, totally agree.
@Funandfondles feels like I am hiding something..a few true friends are better than dozens of people, we are TRYING to befriend! I see that even in youth (it had been so long I had forgotten) we know 'real' from 'unreal'..but, the courage to stand in our truth, is not fully developed!
Enjoy being online again!
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