Many are scared that people will see through their masks and public self that they are flawed, not good enough, not loveable/like-able, etc. which ultimately means discardable and rejectable... which, deep in the psyche means death/ annihilation. That’s very impressive that you have found the strength and toughness to... essentially deeply love and fully accept yourself and your life!! You go girl!!
I’m going to do a 4-day Buddhist retreat Weds-Sunday to work on myself. I’ll let you know if I can make friends with some of my fears.

We are tough!

I fear you are right.

We've been watching The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix and there's a great scene in which the father is saying goodbye after a family funeral to one of his adult children. He hesitates. His dead wife, who follows him everywhere giving him advice, and who only he hears, coaches him: "Tell him your love him, that you are sorry you couldn't fix everything, that you weren't always there for him. I'm so sorry". And he just says to his son, "have a good flght home."

Whatever you think of the horror genre, the depiction of family dysfunction and misunderstanding is spot-on and real. And yes, most of that is driven by fear. In this case fear of rejection, of being judged, etc.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

-Frank Herbert, Dune-

its about the balance..