My sister followed "The Rules" book and adhered to it. She was single for a very long time following its rules. She got the man she wanted after a long time, but he was weak with another women and hurt her.
I am not a fan of the book at all. I think that the dating rules for men and women 40-years ago that are old-fashioned and if you wait to ask a man out that you like very much, he may not just ask anyone out, you may have to be there first doing the asking. Men need to chase women like a predator? Men do not like funny women as the book says? Please. It may be a good book for people in a generation that is older than mine, but not very useful for now in the U.S.A.
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Even if I had read the book I wouldn't have followed the rules. I'm not exactly a "rule follower" kind of person. LOL
sewchick57
Level 7
Oct 26, 2018
1
Be it right or be it wrong, here's how it appears to me. Human behavior is driven by a mix of biology and culture. The culture part can change a lot faster than the biological part, and the biological part is harder to resist than the cultural part.
Progressive minded people can see that our animal instincts are often more attuned to survival of the species than to fairness for the individual, and we want to be fair to the individual. So, with the help of ever-developing cultural norms, we prefer to deny certain instinctual impulses in order to support greater societal equality.
And of course all men are not the same and all women are not the same, but overall trends do exist. The book was based more on biological instincts than on cultural trends. The reason it seems like it's from 40 years ago is because the biology it references is effectively timeless, but the book was actually written in 1995, and whatever "truth" it might contain is probably as viable today as it was a thousand years ago.
I remember, when the book came out, many of us felt then it was as noxious as you are suggesting now. Our culture hasn't changed all that much in 23 years. In my opinion it was terrible advice then, and it is terrible advice now. But it is designed to appeal to instincts that are, for all practical purposes, unchanging.
If you meet a man you are willing to get to know, presumably because of his progressive values, the first thing to do is to make no assumptions one way or the other until his actions reveal his true character. But if he proves to really walk his talk, the second thing you might do is appreciate that he is likely doing so as a result of a moral conviction and an effortful self-discipline against at least some of the instincts stirring inside him so aptly described in that dreadful book. (as are progressive women as well, of course)
skado
Level 9
Oct 25, 2018
2
The only women that would follow this advice would be the ones who like authoritarian type men. No thanks!
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
Oct 25, 2018
1
I haven't read the book, but did read part of this article. I had a very general understanding of the book from things I've heard and read in the past. The whole premise of plotting and planning is off-putting to me. It's like the goal is to entrap a man and then, more or less, abandon your wants and needs to his for the rest of your life. That's just dumb. Relationships have to have compromise in order to be successful, but not total self-sacrifice. Did I mention that's just dumb? LOL!
I think what's happening here on this site is good. People come together with a fundamental commonality (we are mostly all nonbelievers). That is a great beginning to proceed from. You make connections, talk, get to know someone, and you might develop that spark. That's how you do it. Not scheming and manipulating your way into someone's heart. That's my .02. =]
IAMGROOT
Level 7
Oct 25, 2018
2
Here's the problem today....
I ask you out...you accuse me of sexual harassment.
I don't ask you out...I'm not an alpha male and don't deserve you b/c you're pussy is that special and should be chased after.
I open the door...I insult you b/c you are an independent and strong woman.
I don't open the door...I'm an insensitive ass that doesn't appreciate know how to treat a woman.
I pay for the meal...I am a sexist b/c I feel you need a man to support you.
I don't pay for the meal...I am cheap and you question if I can properly provide for you.
Western women are so fucking spoiled and delusional, with no idea of what they want, or are too afraid to admit to themselves what they want, they can't realize what a shit experience it is to date them. Guys are expected to rut and fight over an over-weight woman with no fashion sense, just to show how special we think you are b/c your narcissistic dating bio says so. Yet when we do, we never get any compliments or thanks for it. Attitudes toward dating are just like a wedding day...it's HER day...and you better do anything and everything for her with no expectations of having any of your needs met (conversation, interest, attraction, etc).
jondspen
Level 7
Oct 25, 2018
0
I have not been sexually harassed since I was a young 19-year-old. If I get to the door first I open it for the person behind me, some men do the same thing. It seems to work. I work out who pays before the meal. If I know he makes a lot less than I do I will pay for it. 50:50 is a plan too. One person leaves tip other pays. I was overweight. Now I am not. I have never been spoiled. My fashion sense is to be questioned. If I get out the door with my shirt right side out and not on backward. I am accomplishing something. I do not know a lot of other women and their demands, I just know me. Have you looked at my bio ? It says more about the internal quality of the person I would like to date. Often what a person says what they want on their bio is telling about who they are as a person. I do not want to get married. I have never been described as spoiled or delusional. Where do you meet these girls? They sound like teenage girls, not women. We are all special and interesting in our own way. No one is above the worth of another person.
@alanalorie Wow...my comment wasn't meant as a personal attack toward you, so sorry you seem to have taken it that way. It was more of a general comment about western women in society. My experiences have been from the perspective of a single dad raising two teen daughters and dating (mostly) in the south (Tennessee and Texas). That's great if my perceptions have no basis toward you as a person...but in general, from my experiences and from conversations with other single guys, American women are spoiled hypocrites who want 'equal' rights (which turns out to be special rights in some cases), but care nothing for sharing equal responsibility. These were grown ass women (at least by age) in their late 20s up into the 40s. Western culture puts women on a pedestal just for the fact they were born with a vagina, and unfortunately MOST (not all) are just a product of the culture promoting men and women are equal. But that comes with a caveat, since the next sentence typically says something along the lines, "Women can do everything a man can do, do it better, and in high heels". How can we be equal if you're better than me, just b/c of your genital? How can we be equal if I am a violent rapist who promotes a rape culture, and you are the innocent victim...regardless if I have attacked anyone or regardless if you have actually been attacked? Many women throw on the cloak of a victim just to get sexist pity and special considerations. Problem is, at least IMHO, it undermines the pain and suffering people like my daughters have experienced, as well as continue sexist attitudes. I get that people use whatever advantages they can to make their lives better...I just don't understand why people are purposely ignorant, and often outright angry, when someone tries to talk about the manipulation and duplicity of women's rights and the portrayal in media. And don't for one second think you can talk about men's issues and men's rights without being labeled as a lonely loser, a violent hate-filled misogynist who wants to rape all women and put them back in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.
As for me and dating, I am a man....a real man...and I do what I want. If I want to be nice and courteous, or if I want to put my priorities first, I do that. Being a real man isn't about treating a women like a princess...it's about treating a woman like a fun interesting adult that you want to get to know more about. It's also about calling out the women when she is acting like a spoiled 13 y/o drama queen. I typically bend over backward to help people (men and women), but with some women, it's an expectation with no inclination to reciprocate basic common politeness and courtesy. When you pay for the dinner and she doesn't even say "Thank you", b/c in her mind that is what the guy is suppose to do...yea, I have a real problem with that kind of cultural B/S.
@jondspen No, I did not take it personally. Thank you for sharing. Now we all know how you feel.
@alanalorie Glad to hear that...I had no ill-will or malice toward you or anyone on here. And while I feel your last post was a little sarcastic, perhaps that'st just my misinterpretation...so you are very welcome. I am typically a very closed and reserved person on my thoughts and emotions. It's nice to know that people actually do care about the thoughts and opinions of others. Seems like we don't have much of that in America today.
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