Agnostic.com

23 11

For those single people out there, it’s already hard enough finding a compatible “other half” but adding the desire to have that person be non-religion. It’s just almost impossible to check off all the boxes. How do you date (or do you)? I haven’t dated in over two years. I’m an introvert and a homebody, and to be honest I’ve kind of given up. Sad but true.

MemphisMel 5 Nov 16
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

23 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

9

Haha. I am completely the same. Introvert and homebody. I have not dated in two years as of this month. Plus anytime I try to talk to a guy I scare him off immediately. I just have a real hard time caring. Especially when dating means I will have to start shaving again.

@MemphisMel it is the worst. Lol

Why do you think that you will have to shave? There are men who do not care. Don't let that stop you from moving forward in life.

5

Don't give up and don't settle. Someone is out there for you.

3

I have the same issues. I became an atheist only 4 years ago and am so surprised at how difficult it is to date. Christian men do not behave like Christians so I do not understand why they are turned off by a woman who says she is an atheist. It's like they think we are evil or something? I'm still the nice, kind, caring person I was before.

pmzm Level 4 Nov 18, 2018
3

I'm in the exact same boat. I don't want to date the religious, and I don't want to date men that have children under the age of 18. Pretty much so leaves me out. I've given up as well and startef looking for a roommate to help ease my Financial burdens. Looks like I'll be single until my death, and im ok with that.

3

Gee, you sound like me. I'm on one dating site, but most of the men who contact me are religious and conservative. Hello? Did they even read my bio? I specifically put down that I'm an Atheist and I'm not looking for anyone who's religious or conservative. Sigh, I really like where I live, but the selection of men here are dreadful.

I tried Zoosk and wrote that I am a very liberal atheist. One whole month and not one response.

3

I will never give up, but my expectations have dwindled enormously.

3

Be yourself, don't push yourself, and evaluate your requirements. Determine what are the real deal-breakers and what you can overlook.

I'm not suggesting that you settle, but determine where you might be willing to compromise for the right person.

JimG Level 8 Nov 16, 2018
3

there is one aspect of your question in which i am no expert, because i never dated much. i had a love life but it was serendipitous! and now i am with my love, have been for 18 years, and he's not even an atheist but at least he's not religious (or from a different religious background from mine, either). so that part... yeah, i imagine it's not the first question you ask on a date. but being a homebody (which i more or less am, at least some of the time, too) doesn't help. putting yourself out there (not the same as putting out, i hasten to add!) doesn't mean looking for a guy. just putting yourself in social situations and letting the chips fall as they may won't automatically mean you start dating. it will mean you are out there, and might meet someone. meanwhile, i guess you're in the right place to meet (online) some people who fulfill that one qualification. trouble is, they might not fulfill any others, and they might not be honest about it. i have only seen (so far) ONE female scam artist here. i've seen a number of religious guys apparently convinced that atheist women sleep with anyone (since we have no god, we have no morals, right?) and some purported atheists and agnostics who are not willing to give a whole lot of themselves to the cause, then complain that no woman wants them (they're likely right about that). so you still have a lot of work to do if you're here looking for someone to date!

my suggestion, for what it's worth? be here for the community. engage. your profile is good. you say stuff about yourself. it's amazing how many profiles don't! but engage in the community, make friends. some of them might get interested and if they don't... hey, friends are cool to have too!

good luck!

g

p.s. i met my guy totally by accident. it was SO weird. sparks? not a single one. it took me months to fall in love, and months after that for me to get him to fall in love with me, and man, did i work hard at that! i'd never gone after anyone before! i never even thought i could! go figure.

2

Yes, same here. I don't mind getting "out," but working, bettering myself, and supporting my children takes most any time I have. The fact that most people just annoy the shit out of me doesn't help to want to open up either, especially in this town. Still, I'd rather be single than with someone I cannot be myself with.

2

Take a break, recharge, and try again...

2

Agreed! It is difficult enough to find someone compatible. Finding a non-religious AND compatible human....hasn't happened for me either. I haven't given up yet. Yet.

1

I joined Match.com awhile ago, and have found many men who are appealing at first sight. When I delve further into their profile, the deal-breaker is almost always that he classifies himself as christian. I will not give up easily, I like the idea of having a man in my life, and want that again. My standards are really high, and I refuse to compromise in most areas that are important to me!

1

It's difficult. Throw in some sexuality for spice and it gets really rough. I try to start with friendships and see if things go from there. I find that people are more open as they get to know you over time.

1

I find that if I aam open and nonjudgemental with peoples beliefs, they are less likely to judge mine. I can typically find something in common in which to speak. I was married a long time, so Im not dating really, but I love to learn from others and make friends

Kimmy Level 3 Nov 27, 2018
1

Same here. It is already difficult enough to find someone I feel attracted/interested in, so when I add the "beliefs" factor it reduces the options to... well 0 in the last 10 years.

1

It's a really big indicator of decency, strength, and wisdom. I have no problem filtering out any and all religious or spiritual beliefs. It narrows the field, but those people would have been incompatible with me anyway.

1

Absolutely! It is a struggle. My saving grace is that I am an introvert and don't really miss being in a relationship. I dated a bit after my divorce but with my girls at age 9 and 11 I think I'll just worry about them for the next decade.

1

Such people exit I'm sure of it. I also have claim being a non-monogamous, married, relationship anarchist. It's limiting.

1

Same, only that has been my whole life. While I only became an atheist about 8 years ago (though I admit to being a skeptic for 3 years prior to that, or maybe even longer- maybe 6) I have shared those traits you do. I do not mind my other half having belief, so long as it isn't overpowering. What I do value overall is intelligence and passion- as in having something they are passionate about.

1

You're still toooooo young to quit

1

I am currently dating someone I met here. (If you were local, I would totally be in your inbox.)

There is an introverts group on here (I joined to help better understand my introverted friends). Unfortunately, I have no other tips for those who are not human puppies, in constant need of attention and more people.

0

I seldom find myself alone. I am lucky to live in a city that thrives on atheism. Vancouver is very cosmopolitan.

0

Absolutely! It is a struggle. My saving grace is that I am an introvert and don't really miss being in a relationship. I dated a bit after my divorce but with my girls at age 9 and 11 I think I'll just worry about them for the next decade.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:224153
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.