My mom died recently and my dad used the opportunity to preach a salvation sermon to a captive audience. This is what my mom would have wanted. There was no option of skipping my own mother’s funeral, but I was afraid I’d have a panic attack. My friend came with me and made obscene hand gestures at the pastor that made me giggle. My kids were mad because they didn’t know it was going to be a sermon.

Catholic services don’t bother me nearly as much, but apparently they bother my dad. Go figure.

Right. Because you realize now that it doesn't matter. There is no wrong. They're all myth lessons and each culture has theirs. None are meant to be dogma and defended. Only the religious fear the differences.

That's always the case. The closer people are to a position, the more they seem to disagree.

For instance, I was surprised by seeing a Paso Fino horse going past during a parade, since I'd never seen one in the US. I tried to both compliment the rider, and show off my horse knowledge by remarking to her as they went past, "Nice Paso Fino!"

To my shock, she whirled on me in haughty fury.."It's a PERUVIAN PASO!"

Since her horse was doing a highly collected gait, almost stepping in place in the slow parade, its distinctive fast, winging gait wasn't apparent to me, and I hadn't even cared about the slight gait difference before.

But it also reminded me that writers are more critical of writers in their same genre, etc.. it's a universal trait. I've read that most people save their most picky criticism for people they feel are similar to them. For instance, the snarky fashion police pick on celebrities, yet never snipe at remote Russian peasant clothing choices, etc.

Funerals are for the living. Who else could they be for? I've been planning my comments for my funeral (hopefully my funeral will be a long time from now) but I recognize that I have no control over whether my comments will be read or not during the service when it happens. In any case, as I construct it, I am mindful of the needs of others in my family that struggle with insecurity without their religious beliefs of Heaven and Hell. They suffer, literally emotionally suffer from the belief that I will go to Hell.

So I have been telling them a story. It is a true story. I tell them that I was "saved" when I was 10 years old at Vacation Bible School when a visiting missionary lady took me up to the back pew of the sanctuary and told me about Jesus dying for my sins. She suggested I should ask Jesus into my heart and I did. Now, between you readers and me, I was primarily eager to get away from this creepy old woman and back downstairs to my friends so I just did what she told me to do as quickly as I could to get out of there. But I did sort of believe enough that I was later baptized. All the more proof of the truth of the story. So I remind them that, according to their Evangelical beliefs, once saved, always saved, so they can consider me" backsliden" rather than unsaved.They can be sure they will see me in Heaven.

I don't include this story in my prepared funeral comments, it's too long and they all know it, besides I may well outlive them all anyway. but I am careful to leave little hints in my plans for the service that I will see them in Heaven. I include songs by Leonard Cohen that vaguely reference such matters in a poetic sense. And I leave it up to them to make of it what they will. They don't have to know that Cohen was Jewish and an ordained Buddhist priest. Well, so I hope I've made my point. I feel for my family members who use their religion as an important defense in order to feel secure in this world. I don't agree with it. But it's not up to me. It's their choice.

The more fundamentalist a believer is, the more they are obsessed with being right -- doctrinally, dogmatically, and in terms of practice. It's Job One for those folks. One of the ways to reassure yourself that you're right is to reassure yourself that others who do it differently are wrong.

As others have correctly pointed out, some of it is also just mindless tribalism.

People waste so much energy trying to make everyone just like them, If you don't fit into my tiny little box of what is acceptable I am going to eviscerate you. That reminds me of a joke about a Baptist feller who didn't like the new preacher, so a group of like minded individuals broke off to form their own church, Of course it was not smooth going so a splinter group broke off. And they disagreed so the man and his wife decided they'd worship at home. A friend visited one fine Sunday to share worship and asked where the man's wife was. The man replied "oh, we couldn't agree so she worships downstairs."

Yeah NOT a fan of Catholicism, so...makes me giggle.