My employer just hired their first Trans person, female to Male. It will certainly be my first encounter with a trans person in real life. I know there may, or may not be, some sensitivity on the subject. I'm reaching out to this community because I know there are a number of trans persons here, and I was trying to find out some "do's and dont's" to make it a more accomodating, and friendly workplace, without anyone feeling they have to walk on eggshells.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button."It will certainly be my first encounter with a trans person in real life."
How can you know something like this?
AlPastor
Level 6
Dec 10, 2018
0
Correction, "It will certainly be my first encounter with a trans person in real life, to my knowledge". Better? Lol
@SoullessHeathen LOL I guess the point is that nothing is different. If you're generally a good person and not an a-hole you won't have any issues. If you are an a-hole you might need to "keep it light hearted" whatever that means.
Myself, I would just treat them like I would any other person, regardless of gender. Either you will like them as a person or you wont.. since it's a workplace it doesn't matter much as long as everyone is respectful.
At the most, if one of my coworkers started grumbling a bigoted comment I would simply ask them to not do that around me. (Used to try and argue with bigots.. i now realize that's better left for beers AFTER work.)
hippydog
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
3
The bigoted comments have been heard already. He hasn't even gotten here yet. We have many homosexual people working here, I think they counted once, and found they made up about 18% of the workforce. No one really says much about it, being gay has somewhat become a societal norm, much more accepted than the media portrays. We all have beers together, but even a few of my gay coworkers expressed worries because they had not met a trans person before. I am in a semi-rural area, we try to be as diverse as possible, and as accepting as possible, but we are somewhat limited by region.
@SoullessHeathen compared to where I'm from That seems like a pretty diverse workplace.. so I think he will be fine.
It will be interesting to see what happens when you take a pee break together.
nicknotes
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
2
Do you normally stare at other guys dicks in the bathroom?
@nicknotes I guess that depends if he is pre-OP or post-OP. Either way, none of my business. I have known one man who preferred to sit while urinating. Never asked why. So, in this case, if he sits to pee, it is just the same.
You are right of course. I really don't care who is using the bathroom while I am doing my thing. @SoullessHeathen
I have a gender fluid daughter and whatever path she finds to be hers I’ll support it. I hope she doesn’t experience to many people that don’t know how to act, I think you will do fine... be yourself, your all there to work. If you find yourself becoming friends it’s a friend like any other. Let them use whatever bathroom they want, as for personal details, nobodies personal life is the business of an others. My fellow associates don’t know my personal life nor do they need to. You or I may be discriminated against for being an atheist or agnostic. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is the best line from that fiction book called the Bible.
ArdentAtheist
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
4
I am in Michigan, we already looked into the legal side, and they are free to use whatever locker room or bathroom coincides with their displayed gender identity. He dresses as a man, so he will be entitled to the mens facilities. I don't know if I agree with that law, some woman who are completely straight "dress like men" and use woman's facilities. But, we will just try to be as accomodating as possible. I have no problem sharing a bathroom, no different than sharing at home. A toilet is a toilet, a shower is a shower.
@SoullessHeathen a trans person dressing as a man is not the same as a completely straight woman dressing like a man. the women do not think they're men. what does how they dress have to do with which facilities they should use? they're women and they use women's facilities. their clothing is irrelevant. the trans man doesn't doesn't THINK he's a man either; he's a man. if his body hasn't caught up with who he is yet, he's still a man nonetheless. it isn't about his clothing either.
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@genessa you are right, but that is what Michigan law states. You much visually display yourself as the gender you wish to be, and will be allowed access to corresponding facilities. I didnt write the law. That's just how it is here.
@SoullessHeathen women have been wearing suits (and pants in general) for almost a century now. how can they say that the women using women's facilities are actually dressing like men? are they DISGUISING themselves as men or simply not wearing dresses? how clear is the law?
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@genessa it's quite vague, but does distinguish between the two sexes
@SoullessHeathen well, if it doesn't detail what is women's attire and what is men's attire.then it will be difficult to enforce this law, and if it DOES detail what is women's attire and what is men's attire, it is likely unconstitutional.
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Edit: Now that I think about it, I feel a little ridiculous speaking outside of my experience. Trans folks reading this, please feel free to comment, correct, put me in my place, whatever, either here or via PM. I don't want to be an unelected mouthpiece for anyone. I will edit/delete as appropriate.
It sounds like you're sincere, and trying to do the right thing, so I'll respond in kind:
Unless you are in charge of helping this person go to the bathroom, you don't need to do anything differently.
Assuming this person is mature and sensible, they'll tell you anything you need to know : like their preferred pronouns. Anything they do not volunteer is not your business --like their surgery or hormone status, time since transition, deadname, etc.-- just like anyone else you work with, and any of their personal information (e.g. age, marital/relationship status/history, health, medications, substance use, etc.).
There's nothing you need to say or do, no special way you need to be. Just listen, and let them lead. That's it. If you're especially nervous and afraid of putting your foot in your mouth or something, say so. A mature, sensible person will not be offended by this, and will respect your honesty.
Maybe they're totally open and will volunteer a bunch of info, or be open to tons of questions. Maybe they won't. Just like anyone else you work with, and their personal info.
stinkeye_a
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
3
I guess I am slightly nervous because he is young, 20, and I am 30, and don't converse much with generations younger than my own. I was/am nervous that I will treat him differently as a result of my ignorance, and that they will notice. And that will be what is offensive. I guess, just be natural, treat him like one of the guys, and let integration happen naturally.
@SoullessHeathen you are doing the right thing. I would recommend you be honest about your trepidation, if you are concerned there is a high likelihood it will noticably impact your behavior. It's possible your coworker will take it badly, but I would have to take that as a sign of pettiness because my impression is that trans folks 1) mostly know what they can expect--and have likely experienced far worse than a nervous bumbler would accidently dish out; and 2) appreciate it when people are sensitive to their comfort and open about it. Admitting your nervousness takes guts and humility, and that's honorable just by itself. You sound self-aware and respectful, so I'm sure you'll do fine. 
Enjoy being online again!
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