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THIS is how you do it
And yeah, I'm mailing it back to them
I live next to 6 churches within about 5 blocks
I'm so tired of receiving this stuff and getting knocks at my door

Kat 5 Jan 2
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14 comments

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0

So, like I said, reminds me of a joke. More of an afterthought. Ever been grocery shopping and suddenly you're approached by someone in need who hands you a prepared note stating their inquiry? Typically in need of money. I have a fantastic plan! Prepare your own note! I made mine simple, it just says "We're in the same boat, was just about to ask you the same thing."

Living on Denver, which has become completely expensive and where people can't afford basic necessities, I am approached by people asking for money all the time. Like I have any? Pretty sure I look like an easy target! I should print out a note with all my expenses listed, and my monthly wages ($0). That might get them to leave me alone.

@Kat I can imagine living just about anywhere is beginning to become a bit much monetarily speaking. It's because of exponential cell division. 1-4-8-16-32-64-128-256-512-1024-2048!! I'd imagine that your once serene highway system has crumbled into 2 states of being: construction and everything we endure until expansion. In Texas the influx droves of sleeping cattle have driven all resources to a near unattainable expenditure. Soon we'll be paying for air and water at this rate.

@itsallgoodman I remember, since I was a child, people complaining about others moving here in droves, specifically from California. But now it's California plus Texas plus snowbirds from Arizona, and on and on. It's especially true now tho, and has been from every state, since we legalized weed. I voted in favor of it, and would do so again. But it really has had an astonishing effect on cost of living, population, jobs, and as you said, construction and roads!!

@Kat Well. This has been an eye opening experience today. Thanks for playing along, it was fun too. Life will go on though, things will get better, or not for a while. When you're up it's never as good as it seems and when you're down you never think you'll be back up again. That traffic and construction will get better before you know it, or maybe it will just change who knows. I know people who've moved out there and then moved right back, it will all work out. Promise.

1

Shall I keep going? Hopefully I haven't lost you and hopefully someone is dying of heart failure from laughing so hysterically.

You haven't scared me AT ALL and in fact I think you're smarter than the average bear! I feel like I should print out your comments and suggestions! Maybe I should create a pamphlet and keep copies beside my door to hand out next time some preachy asshole comes knocking. I'll title it, "Are You a Gullible Tool?" or something like that, and include a summary of your statements. Idk, we can work on it together? In any case, you read this letter WAY more carefully than I did. I just rolled my eyes and said, "Ugh!" when I saw it.

0

They have the idea to add chapters and verses from the Bible, yet they don't even have the decency to fully quote the actual passage? This is supposed to be for non-believers? How can I have faith in something you yourself don't even have? What, does everyone suddenly know the entire chapter of Matthew? We're getting off to an extremely poor start and we've only just met. Don't even get me started on the dreadful beginning, looks like you spent all of five minutes writing this whole debacle. You realize the only job you have is sending a message, correct? Terrible, magnificent failure of protocol numero uno here. 5th grade composition 30 minute brush up should get the smartest person in the room going at least get this boulder moving Jeezus Christ-o-fuckin mighty on a cracker buddy. This reminds me of a joke...

0

The pronouns are jumbled, first the writer speaks in the first person. Then suddenly they become third person. Isn't this a little like welcoming someone to a city you just flew to together?

1

First, let me say this: I admire your efforts. While strong and sharp minded, let's start over if you don't mind? I don't think this gets the message across. I think we should first check this little handout over for mistakes. I can already see the first one. It's a lazily placed "that" at the beginning. Cross it out and write "consider re wording" over the remainder of the sentence. Don't be too pushy with your message written on their handout. Leave it as clean as you can other than heavy on the red ink. Once completed, I think we have 2 options. First, we could attempt to find old German propoganda leaflets from WWII and do a side by side comparison to the one they keep bringing you, well written short and sweet congratulating them on a "well executed document" if similar (you get the idea). Or we could (this is my preference) make our own fucking handout! Yeah, when these poorly prepared wastes of neural pathways come to your door next time blurbing and spewing from their propoganda machine just pull out our revised handout "for the wise" and preach the gospel of the quantum field. Preferably the latter and be sure to mail back the corrected version of theirs. I would be thrilled to help you make an atheist's rebuttal for unnecessary religious advancement guide on how to stop coming across as a fanatical tool and a sheer public disturbance. If you totally hate me for this reply I'll understand and totally just shut the fuck up.

Dammit I don't have a red ink pen to correct their errors. It's too late now anyway, but I'm sure there will be more letters (see how many churches I live close to in the comments below.) I'll take a photo of the next one and we can dissect it together before I send it back LOL

@Kat , Oh I've read the other posts. No worries, something tells me this won't be the last copy you are ever to receive. That would be a ahem...a blessing? Ha ha! It just comes out of me! I'm here all week!

@itsallgoodman Don't forget to tip the wait staff, everybody!

1

A long time ago I use to purposely get in discussions with them and literally destroy their arguments so overwhelmingly they would never return . . . Don't get them here, but had one at work whom I had told, "You do not want to get in this conversation with me." They seemed to think I was saying it because I was afraid to get into it, and made that mistake. Within about three minutes we were done, and my last question was, "Where did Noah get the penguins?", it was pretty much all over after that and they have not brought it up again . . . . many them are not use to being confronted so directly, and when it happens, they scurry away . . . . never to be heard from again.

THHA Level 7 Jan 3, 2019

I got into it once with the door-knockers. I guess I was in battle mode that day or something, who knows. But I tore into them (nicely!), rebutted their arguments, and eventually the two evangelicals wouldn't even look me in the eye. Never heard from them again!

1

About 33 years ago I was in San Diego with friends at a Bowie concert, just arrived and in the parking lot having a smoke, and s female Krishna hopped in to beg for money. Scared the whatever out of me. My friends thought she was cute and wanted to take up a collection. I refused and asked for a different vote - to kill her. I lost, but she left. And, no, I wouldn't have harmed anyone. Why a young woman would jump into a car with 4 guys is beyond me. Religion forces people to do foolish things. Can anyone imagine an atheist going door to door. If you do, stop by here and bring a few beers.

0

Since I hung a spider man toy stick um figure to my front door window the Jehovah's Witnesses have stopped visiting. A real super hero.

The hero we all want and need!

1

In Australia it is very seldom that this happens. Jehova's witness may come once every third year but that is it. I wonder why it is so prevalent in the US?

Way more of the breeders here. And the occasional Mormons.

If they only come once every three years, there cannot be many of them.

@Petter The whole population is not very religious either.

@Petter I wish this was the first. Or second or third.... And there are other religious nuts around to bother people (which of course includes me in their scheme). I get invited to a play about the birth of Jesus (I'm drawing to total blank right now as to what that whole scenario is called) every single Christmas.

0

I live in the country - 1 church 1/2 mile away, another 1 mile away, 3 (almost across the street from each other) about 2 miles away. Luckily my driveway is really long so I don't get bothered very often.
I can't imagine that many within a few blocks of each other.

It's insane. Especially considering they're all the same religion, but can't decide which version is the bestest one, so they all think they deserve some goddamed prize.

@Kat exactly

1

One thing I have to say about living in Aurora is you get all kinds. Some people are cool, and some you just want to jack slap across a room.

I love the cultural, ethnic and spiritual diversity here, but when it comes pounding on my door uninvited (especially with flyers), it gets to be a bit much.

0

6 churches now that is crazy. I'd be more comfortable living in city lol.

It is insane. I wish I could move! But my mortgage is unbelievably cheap, so...

5

In my younger days, I would invite them in, offer them a beverage and sit, then before they could start I would ask if it was ok to say a prayer, then I would be"OH great lord Satan, we come before you." Never got much beyond that before they were stammering and finding excuses to leave. I would invite them to the next sacrifice and offer to lend then hoods if they would like to attend. No one ever took me up on it, can you imagine? No, I'm not a satanist, but it was a hoot.

You. I like you.

2

You have entered a " No Fly Zone ". Any further violations will be considered threats and dealt with accordingly.

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