Over the top sarcasm copied from Facebook.

Why I believe in conservative values:

I believe the evil gay lifestyle is a choice so the gays should choose to be hetero like I did.
I believe my beliefs should be everyone's beliefs.
I believe I have the right to know what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom.
I believe our government should put corporations first and people second.
I believe others should pay taxes but not me.
I believe Jesus believes in 50 round clips and concealed carried.
I believe those who don't think like me should not have a voice in society.
I believe healthcare should be only for those who can afford it.
I believe if I've got mine, then that's all that matters.
I believe I have the right to tell a woman what she can or can't do with her body.
I believe in the death penalty but I also believe "Thou shalt not kill".
I believe liberals are evil because they're open minded, educated and know facts.
I believe everything Fox News tells me because I don't believe in facts.
I believe it's okay for our government to torture prisoners if a Republican is President.
I believe it's okay for our government to spy on it's citizens if a Republican is President.
I believe I'm a super patriot even though I never served in the armed forces.
I don't believe in a minimum wage.
I don't believe in work place OSHA safety regulations.
I don't believe in the luxury of clean air or water if it affects corporate profits.
I don't believe in holding corporations accountable for illegal business practices.
I don't believe in empathy, compassion, sympathy, charity, understanding, or a lifestyle other than my own.
I don't believe the Government should help people unless it's me that needs the help.

God bless America and the way things used to be.