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I’ve been dating this guy for a little over a month. Things are going extremely well especially since he’s 2 hours away. He’s very seeet but he did not do anything for Valentine’s Day. He had asked the name of the hospital I worked at so I assumed (I know I know) he was going to send me something. He knew I had something for him. Well I didn’t get a thing today. I’m a little upset and feel really shallow for feeling disappointed.

Is it too soon for flowers??

janniegirl 6 Feb 14
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2

Reminds me of the time I was courting my future wife and I upset her over some trivial matter. I think it was being 45 minutes late for a date.
Anyway, the next day I sent her a huge bouquet of flowers - all obviously plastic.
Giving laughter is the best possible apology.

Petter Level 9 July 26, 2019
1

If you feel you should be having flowers, then by all means-- tell him your fav flowers-?

0

2 hours away? Jeeze, putting up with that alone is a present. VDay is just a day. He can get you something at anytime, and so can you. Celebrate the day a few days after if you want, or every week.

1

I told him nicely that I was sorta expecting something at work. He said he was sorry he disappointed me. Now I feel awkward. That’s about it.

I feel the right thing to do (if someone told me that) is to go ahead and get them something anyways. If someone expresses a want.. why not fill it?

Oh.. and just reread your post.. if he knew you had something for him.. i can't help thinking hes not trying very hard..

0

any updates on this? (you have me curious if you talked to him since)

See above

1

Remember, you're choosing to be upset. Not sure it's worth it. Might just be too soon for him.

1

For me a month in would be too soon to expect or maybe even want anything for V Day other than a text ... BUT...I'm a valentine's day kinda gal. In platinum rule it's about what's important to the other person, not just golden rule "do unto others as you'd want done to you".

If we were in a relationship I'd notice an absence of attention to VDay and not in a good way.
I've been very lucky in that every intimate relationship I've had haven't gone without on either end.

Today I was getting printing paper at the store during the midst of the VD "witching hour" (last minute buyers) and saw a lot of guys doing their thing..and for a moment I was sad because I do miss it.

I do hope he at least said "Happy Valentine's Day" to you though, even if he didn't get you anything (which again, to me would be too soon a month in, might spook me if I wasn't over the moon yet)

1

Never too soon for flowers ? I’m sorry he didn’t give you a little encouragement via a little gift or flowers. It’s hard not to have some expectation when it’s Valentine’s Day.

1

I don't like the money grab capitalistic aspect of v day. But i usually warn any one im dating about that.. lol

2

You say you work at a hospital? There's a very good chance something was delivered but did not get to you. I had flowers delivered once at a hospital that went to a different Tiffany. When I failed to say thank you, the sender started hinting that I should have received them. Next day I asked around and found out there was a Tiffany on a different floor who had gotten flowers the day before and had no idea who they were from or why they'd been sent, and assumed a secret admirer. I just let her enjoy it. You never know. Shit does happen.

2

Everyone's different. With dating I found it's best not to have expectations of others and you are less likely to be disappointed.

1

So a few questions...

First, do you and this guy have complete open communication with each other? (You're only a month in, so I would understand that you haven't broached every subject. But in general, do you feel that you can safely speak your mind to him about almost everything?)

Second, did you communicate how you felt about Valentine's Day and how important it is to you? (Obviously this conversation would have to take place enough in advance of the holiday that preparations could be made.)

Third, did he in any way indicate that he understood how you felt about Valentine's Day after you explained it to him? (The most common mistake made in communication is assuming that it took place.)

Finally, did he respond in kind and tell you how he felt about Valentine's Day, possibly including that either he thought that it was too early in the relationship to celebrate or he did not think that it was an important day worth celebrating? (This last one is on him, but conveys that honest open dialog that I am talking about.)

If the answers to the first three questions are yes then you are off the hook, and he should be held accountable. If however, the answer to the fourth question is yes, then it's back on you and you should be upset with yourself.

While this simplistic and seemingly unromantic quiz might seem like I am coming down on you and kind of harsh, I assure you that is not the spirit in which I intended it. You shouldn't feel shallow about wanting someone, you wish to share your life with, to understand your feelings. This day is obviously important to you and there is nothing wrong with that.

If Valentine's Day(or any important day) Celebration is important to you, that is fine! You need to take ownership of your perfectly valid feelings and communicate at least a rough idea of how you like to celebrate it, and what your expectations are. Obviously not everyone will be on the same page as you, so you should never take for granted how the other person will treat your special day.

If however, you just laid out subtle hints and assumed that he was picking up on them, then you just set him up for failure and set yourself up for disappointment. You have also just learned that subtle hints are not his thing.

For reference, my wife and I do not do any real celebration of Valentine's Day and we are both okay with that. I hope that next year's Valentine's Day is a great one for you!

2

Depending on how close you've both become it probably wasn't too soon for something simple: a card, a small box of chocolates, some flowers. something. If just casual, then no real need at this stage. Just my take on it.

3

If I had only been seeing someone for a month, I wouldn't expect anything this soon, nor would I give anything. A month is way too early to add that kind of pressure to a relationship in such an embryonic stage. Only a month into dating, I wouldn't even expect to know that many of his likes and dislikes, nor expect him to know mine.

Deb57 Level 8 Feb 14, 2019
0

Yeah, well, I was always afraid that if I pushed too much too soon I would come across as needy. I don't know the level of communication you both have regarding each other. Would you say that you have both established that you are both pretty committed to each other in an exclusive or semi-exclusive relationship? I know I sucked in dating, but not knowing what the status is, I would be very careful about what to do in a relationship that is only about a month old..... It could simply mean that he didn't want to push it too much. But hey, what do I know.. take this with a grain of salt.

But I don't think you should feel "shallow." I think "getting something" was more a symbol of deeper feelings. I don't think it is ever shallow to be wanted and loved.

1

@janniegirl
I think it's too early to determine if this is a pattern. If it turns out that it is, you can then decide how big a deal it is for you compared to his other qualities. Early in my marriage, this was always a minor issue that never outweighed the good stuff. It only became important when piled on later to other bigger issues and I weaponized it. I recommend letting him off the hook and keeping your disappointment to yourself. Unless you think it's a deal breaker, then do what you need to do. But don't hang on to it and save it for later. Good luck. ❤

1

The flowers/present may have been lost in the delivery. I also would not expect anything from a person I've only been dating for a month (but that's just me).

2

When I was married to my late wife, this time of years was special,her birthday was Feb 12th and Valentines is the 14th,so cards and chocolates for 27 years,but she's gone now 2 years this Sept. Memories,some bittersweet........

2

Hell no its not too soon! If you start dating a woman a month before Valentine's Day, you better get her some flowers! Or you should reconsider dating her!

0

If it's only been a month, I would need to know more about the relationship. If it were me, I would not be wanting those grand-ish gestures just yet and I likely would not have gotten him anything.

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