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Looking for some input fellow Agnostics. A few folks here might be aware that I'm involved in a mentoring group for young men who, for whatever reasons, are falling through the cracks of our society. Lots of anger, acting out, delinquency, brushes with "da law"....
Basically due to no father figure/adult male role models in their lives. Or worse, gang related ones. So! A compadre' of mine suggested that we might use this graphic in some of our discussions with the older boys. It's a good graphic, in my opinion. Except, what if you've no "comfort zone" as shown here? That was my question to our mentors' group.
Help?

bigpawbullets 9 Mar 3
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You know, what you think of as a "comfort zone" is probably very different from their view. If they're involved in a gang, that's what they know and what makes them feel safe. You can't create someone's comfort zone for them. Whatever they're doing every day - that's what feels safe to them, even if it seems life threatening to you. Any change, even positive, leads them into the next zone. Just listen to them. I think they'll teach you a lot more than you expected.

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My first feeing is that everyone has a comfort zone. For some of the young men and boys you are trying to help it might be small even tiny, unrecognizable by our norms but I believe there is one, hidden, perhaps not recognizable as a normal comfort zone but it's there.

Yup. Comfort zone is anything they think is predictable. Even if what is predictable is horrible.

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I really don’t understand the image. You start at the comfort zone? Why would you ever leave? Seems like that would be the goal.

I'm guessing things change due to uncontrollable circumstances like the father or mother leaving the home, moving to a different home, etc.

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Help them create a comfort zone. Something as simple as daily routines. Set timers, phone call reminders etc. Something that gives foundation to days/weeks. It isn't much of a comfort zone, but I think it counts. A place to sleep where they feel safe. Multiple places to get food if all else fails. And multiple means of transportation. If you don't have to panic about where food is going to come from, or that sleeping is unsafe, and you know if you don't catch your bus then the exact walking time etc, those are big chunks of safety. If you know one thing going wrong with eff up your whole life, there is daily, constant, panic.

Thanks CH.
Hard for me to understand where some of these kids are coming from.

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You need to create a comfort zone for them by finding out what they fear most and looking to the opposite. But try to not make them aware you are creating the zone, more it just becoming. Very hard to generalise but one useful method is break the rules, give them something over you. Share a confidence, show a weakness of your own. I've always played it as I find, everyone is different which it is always wise to begin with the zen method, allow them to space to open up themselves, with passive guidance rather than, "This is what you need to do, need to work towards", etc. And avoid just giving them answers, just help them find the right questions. Lots more I could say but it's silly o'clock. BTW I'm a self trained counselor going back several decades working within the drug culture. I counsel the ones that are never caught by the net, who would never seek out counseling and refuse if offered.
Look forward to chatting with you

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This reminds me of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - might be interesting to combine the two.

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