Interesting comments, and no surprises with number one. I should run, not walk, away. There are things that happened previously I didn't mention that are even more of a red flag.

The Vietnamese lady is approaching this as cautiously as I, especially the family reaction to an older foreign male. Her brother seems positive, but I don't know how the parents stand or how much they know.

Rescue mission, yes, that does come into play, I will admit to having rescued a couple of broken birds along the way, but the outcome has been good. I think a factor for me is wanting to see her daughters get a good education. What I like, my Vietnamese friend asks for nothing, and often insists on paying for dinner/entertainment.

She also has to be aware that she could go from average income status to a rather wealthy status, based on income and cost of living here. I take as a positive sign her discomfort with the possible change of financial status, it would be about a 15 times increase in household income. I think if she was a gold digger the reaction would be completely different, caution thrown to the wind, hand on my wallet... and other places!

I know a gold digger from my first encounter after I lost my wife, I quickly realized her plan was for me to pay for her Juris Doctorate, and then dump me like a bad habit.

Another positive, my Vietnamese friend works with foreigners every day, and according to the hotel staff, has never been in a situation like this before. And as one fellow Aussie, married to a Vietnamese lady and owning a very successful business together, said a Vietnamese divorcee is usually street smart, hard working, and appreciates she will get more respect and better treatment from a Westerner.

Bob, one of my best friends, was in a similar position to mine almost 30 years ago, and I just realized I was the one he turned to for advice. Yan was a Chinese grad student, he was her adviser. They had about 15 good years together before Bob passed. So much positive came out of that for me, too, her father's position in the Ministry of Television and Film gave me the opportunity to get permission for the parents to come to the wedding because of my position in the industry in the USA. My China contacts became a huge asset, her father and I even did some lectures together in Beijing. Her mom managed one for the last Technicolor labs. Some nice memories, but I digress.

So, why am I troubled? I am just looking for a place to talk it out. This seems like a good forum.

I think my Vietnamese friend are happy to take things a day at a time. See where it goes...

How interesting that you don’t express love for either woman. Instead you rate them on how much you could help them. Wouldn’t you rather have an equal partner in life, rather then a project? The desire to be helpful, kind and make a difference is powerful, but should you manifest it in your personal relationship or in an avocation? If this is the type of relationship you want, then ignore me. Not everyone wants a partnership with love and passion. If this is what works for you, I wish you ever happiness. If you are settling, keep moving forward in your life. There are an awful lot of people that are looking to be helped. I prefer a strong, independent man who loves me and wants to enjoy life with me. I don’t want to fix someone in my love relationship.

I may not be the best relationship counselor, having been married and divorced a few times, but I must say that neither of these women sounds very promising. That first one, especially, sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. The second one sounds a little less threatening than the first, but your description of her leaves me wondering if you find her appealing because you're lonely, and not because she's your ideal. There are more stable women who don't come with nearly as much baggage right here in River City, if you get my drift.

Honestly, neither one sounds like a healthy prospect.
Are you out to save someone ? It kind of sounds like it. At what price to you ?

And you don't mention emotion anywhere - have you equal feelings for both ? And do they profess to have feelings (loving your wallet doesn't count) for you ?

Your concern for the first woman because of her history was confirmed when she asked for money. I think she means well but she is damaged goods from her former life style. When things get tough she will not be there for you. The chef might work out but it doesn't seem like that is known yet. I would invest in her for now to see where it goes.

Please be careful.

Hi Lincster - glad to see you have found some happiness as i have. You never know what tomorrow will bring. It sounds like your Vietnamese friend is a better fit? Education is more compatability. You don't need someone else's legal problems. I regret that Dan has got involved in mine as I try to sell my house-now the bank is auctioning it off in a short sale and my 23 yr old daughter is suing me. I hope your new friendship can grow and be a healthy one.