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So... my dad passed away this morning. Our relationship was forcibly ended by my mother over 40 years ago, but we had taken steps to become part of each other's lives in the past few years. It hurts that I feel like I don't have a place in his family and feel as though I have to ask permission to grieve. He and I didn't agree on much, but we had lively discussions that I'll miss so much. I haven't shared this anywhere else, because I can't face the offers of prayers I know will be forthcoming. πŸ’”

GinaMaria 7 Mar 11

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23 comments

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3

My father died in 2002, and my wife took my daughters out of my life in 2010 so I can relate on all three sides. I've reestablished my relationship with my oldest daughter who is now 22 years old, but my youngest daughter still lives with her mother and only called once to cuss me out, which I took well because I was just so happy to hear from her. I fear that she may not see beyond her situation before I join my father in death. Time will tell. She's a talented artist, a trait she inherited from me.
I can assure you that your father thought of you often, you are both victims of circumstances.

2

You should feel whatever you honestly feel.

If he wasn't part of your daily life then the grief will be less intense, but he's your father just the same.

My wife's father was an emotionally unavailable shaming asshat, and my previous / late wife's father abandoned the family when she was 11. Both would have killed for the degree of closure with their fathers that you described. I am so glad that you were able to connect, however imperfectly.

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I'm so sorry for your loss 😟

2

I’m sure you must feel that you were cheated out of having your father in your life for so many years, that’s only natural. I’m glad you got together again over the past few years, and that you will have these memories to remember. No matter what his other family do or say, just remember that he was your Dad before they became part of his life, you have no need for their permission to show that you miss him and are feeling the grief of that loss. I recently lost my son, so am feeling grief of my own....and can empathise. Hugs from me.

2

So sorry for your loss. Families are often difficult to maneouvre but you never need to ask permission to grieve. He was your Dad. Nice looking fella too. My hugs are sent from UK.

Mine too!

1

Sorry about your loss

1

Cherish your memories the good and bad ones, I lost my mom in 1997 and dad in 2001,both were heavy smokers as was my late wife(she quit, but too late). When a loved one dies,a huge hole is opened in your soul,no longer can you call them up to share a story or ask for advise. We go on,perhaps not broken ,but bent,haltingly ,and slower,but continuing on til our end comes.

1

My condolences for your loss, keep him in your heart forever.

nogod Level 7 Mar 12, 2019
1

I had just started building a relationship with my father when he died,

I feel ya

1

I'm sorry for your loss.

1

So sorry for your loss. Hugs

1

I’m so sorry for your loss: not only of your father, but that you have no freedom to grieve among your family.
When my brother died(be 3 years tomorrow), I found no comfort in β€˜prayers’, though I just nodded and said nothing. Most of the folks didn’t really know me, which made it easier to tune out.
Give yourself time, and be very kind to yourself.

1

Sorry for your loss.

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You know you have our support here. And if you ever feel as though you are reaching a point where you need to speak with a professional, then please don’t hesitate to do so.

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I'm sorry for your loss

1

I hope you receive the support that helps you through your loss.

1

Sorry about your loss.

1

I'm sorry-

1

I am so sorry. Hugs from Sarnia, Ontario.

1

So sorry for your loss. My mother just passed as well.....the loss of a bond so deep is disorienting and sad.

1

Sorry to hear about your loss. I won't say I can relate because I haven't been estranged like that. Someday memories will be all I have too though.

0

UPDATE: Shared to Facebook, and prayers are shooting at me like laser-targeted ICBMs. I'm not sure what people pray for when someone dies. Resurrection would be unsettling, and healing of grief will happen in its own time. Anyway, thank you all for your compassion and for sharing your own experiences. It really helps.

0

So sorry for your loss. My mother just passed as well.....the loss of a bond so deep is disorienting and sad.

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