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Who has nice revenge stories?

noblepeasant 3 Mar 13

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When my daughter was an adolescent and teenager, she refused to talk with me about body changes, birth control or sex. So, I put pamphlets on Claire's bed since she is a reader.

In high school, Claire did Running Start. At 18, she graduated with a high school diploma and a two-year college Associate degree. That meant at 18, she started as a college junior.

An only child and a gifted negotiator, Claire convinced college administrators to let her skip the dorm and live in an on-campus apartment instead. For her first apartment, her dad and I gathered things she needed, right down to toilet paper.

In my living room, I filled paper shopping bags with items for Claire. For 10 years, I was a board member for Family Planning (now Planned Parenthood). Grinning, I went to Family Planning and quietly got 100 free condoms.

Separating the condom strips, I sprinkled condoms evenly in the shopping bags. Shook them to the bottom. For once in my life, I shut up.

To set up Claire's first apartment, Claire brought a sheltered girlfriend who wasn't going to college.

Claire called her father, appalled. "Dad! Do you know what Mom did? Mom put condoms in my bags!"

To his credit, Terry laughed and said mildly, "You know your mother."

When Claire would speak to me a week later, I explained. "Claire, I am not telling you to have sex with 100 boys. I want you to protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy. How long have I been telling you that you will not be a teen parent?"

"Since birth," Claire said ruefully.

"I tell all of my friends this story," Claire, 28, said recently. "I think it's hilarious! They do, too."

We had a tradition of Xmas stockings which was my job. My kids’ mother had no tradition or interest. When the kids got to the age when sex was possible I started putting condoms in their stockings.

A Canadian sex educator, Sue, used to have a bowl of condoms at the door so that they would available for her kids and their friends when they were going out. She was a Public Health nurse and used to do a radio show called Sex with Sue.

When Sue was invited to speak to to the students at one of the schools where I was the consultant social worker, I learned that she would be going to another local school a few days later and I thought it would be good for my daughter who was in Grade 9 at the time to hear her presentation. One of the things she did was show people how to put on a condom and would also demonstrate how strong it was by stretching it like an elastic band. So I knew that there would never be an opportunity for my kids who were in the catholic school system to see it. So after talking it over with her mother and getting permission from the school board superintendent, I approached my daughter and asked her if she would like to go to the presentation. She immediately said “Yes” and then asked if her friends could go too. I said of course as long as their parents approved. Her mother drove them all on the appointed day. A few nights later after I dropped her friends off, my daughter said to me in the car, “Dad did you wonder why I didn’t ask you who Sue was?” I, realizing how clueless I can be sometimes said, “Not at the time but come to think of it I am wondering now.” She said, “I listen to Sue every Sunday night with my headset on so you won’t know.”

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We had a boss who was useless, he was supposed to be foreman of big yard of pipes and fittings for natural gas production. He wouldn't even come out into the area he was supervising because he didn't like getting dirty. We spent a couple of weeks moving inventory from it's designated area to random spots, we knew where everything was and continued to fulfill orders but the filing system charts had become completely wrong and useless. We all quit without notice, the whole place had to shut down because even after they found new forklift drivers EVERY time he told them where something was, he was wrong. He was fired after a couple of days. Bonus facts, since no management ever came into our area we brought whole kegs of beer to work. The top guy, his superior was named Royal Bliss.

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I am a revenge story!

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