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EDIT: I put this in the relationship forum. lol It got moved here. I read this is a site bug.

I’m curious to know how different I am from my peers. Can you relate?

A perfect evening for me might consist of playing bocce, eating a home cooked vegan meal, and performing improv. I write and record music. I design and produce arts and crafts. I dabble in magic tricks.

I went to 3 universities and butted heads with everyone. I studied HVAC and machining, but the men around here don’t like me. It’s hard for me on a job, as I am often made a target. So, my employment history is spotty. My range of employment options is limited. I mostly go for retail, but within a year, I’ve lost all interest in consumerism and devious small talk. I used to use geek culture as an absurdist crutch. It never got me anywhere anyway. That’s how I ended up in my last relationship.

I’m not into copulation. Cunningless is more of a turn on than sex. Intercourse is for making babies. I have a problem with putting new humans on Earth. The place is too messed up to raise an existential child. It will just lead to another depressed individual. I’m also too old to father a child.

Fred_Snerd 7 May 3

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9 comments

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I am way different in culture, values, and lifestyle than most people in my area, which I am just fine with and have been my whole adult life. However, when I attempt to find someone compatible to date, it really does work against me and becomes a big challenge. Being way different from the herd around you is fine when you are off the market and smugly in a LTR, but when you aren't and looking, it is a very discouraging numbers game in which you face long odds.

My relationships have only continued due to my playboy nature. Being different is why i'm single. If I were to grow fond of a lady, she'd have to be a playmate.

@Fred_Snerd We have very different goals as far as dating then. When all you are doing is playing and dating casually, the differences don't matter. But that's not why I am trying to date and not how I am wired.

@TomMcGiverin I've been with a ton of women. They wanted to make me into something I am not. I'm a method actor, so I did it all for the nookie. There is no way I could have had so many relationships if I would have been myself. Now, I no longer enjoy playing the ringmaster. I'm full of depressing revelations. I'm no longer any fun to the romantic.

@Fred_Snerd Whatever works for you. I'm different and will not "play a role" to date women or get them into bed. I will be me, whatever the cost. I have to say, in all honesty, that guys that play your kind of games with women do have an impact on guys like me in the dating game as the women who deal with you probably come away feeling very cynical, if not bitter, and then they take it out on guys like me. So I kind of resent what you do for the effects it has on women that I later have to face and deal with, which I wish I didn't have to keep encountering.

@TomMcGiverin I just gave them what they wanted. They were also disingenuous. That's why I had to conform to their games by playing along. I've stated that I'm though doing that. I've also indicated that it will be very hard to get a GF if I'm not performing. This thread is an attempt to find people who may have similar experience as I. It turns out, I don't have a lot in common with my peers here either. Story of my life.

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Aside from one preferred sex act.. what do you feel really good about when you accomplish that? if you stay in that neighborhood, most likely you will be less bored. Then there are other things necessary to live...I find I do not like a lot of them, but I do them anyway! At least, I mostly feel successful about my life...tho simple as it is. Actually, I try to keep it as simple as possible.

I feel accomplished by my work in music, art, and craft. I feel content helping others become aware of the human predicament. I posted this topic to see if anyone relates.

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TOO MUCH info, especially your sexual preferences....you haven't even had coffee yet......

This was supposed to go into the relationship forum. I'm sorry to have offended you.

@Fred_Snerd not offended, just appalled that someone would do that to themselves!

@AnneWimsey Do what?

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Don't worry you fit in here

I don't really fit in anywhere. However, I was just seeing if anyone could relate to my particularities.

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I put this in the relationship forum. lol It got moved here. I read this is a site bug.

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Why would you care how you compare. That is for folks in their teens and twenties.

I'm interested to know if there is anyone whom I might have a bit in common with.

@Fred_Snerd I am sure there are. There are also varying degrees of commonality with friends and acquaintances. On rare occasion you run into a male or female friend where you have a lot of things in common. The more you socialize, the better the odds.

@Sticks48 As an ENTJ, I've interacted with a large amount of people in my 51 years. I know I have little in common with the general population. I was just curious if any peers here could relate to me.

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Love yourself and don't worry about comparing yourself to other people.

All my life, I have felt like I don't belong on this planet. I'm too sensitive, intelligent, high energy, intense and optimistic.

As a Democrat, feminist, environmental and atheist, I'm a fish out of water in conservative, Christian Eastern Washington. I often feel at odds with American public opinion.

Does that stop me? No. I make friends with people who share my love of nature, literature, music or hiking, who like me for who I am. I joined:

  1. Women's hiking group
  2. Library book club
  3. Democrats of North Central Washington
  4. Cascade Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
  5. Citizens for Peace

I'm just wondering what chance I have to share my interests as you have.

I more or less make the same efforts to spend time around and meet other people similar to me. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to help any in finding someone compatible to date. The groups are too small a pool. I know that is not the focus of your comment or your main intent in joining the groups, just sharing my experience.

Have you read The Highly Sensitive person or taken the quiz?[hsperson.com]
I heard the husband of the author speaking yesterday about their marriage and it was really great. I have always admired her work and now appreciate him too.

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I realize I'm not going to the point of your post, but- does it really matter how "different" you are from other people? You're you. I'm me. I realized decades ago that I'm smarter (or at least know a lot more facts; not necessarily the same thing all the time) than most people around me; I like different things; in some cases I like the same things; I derive a quiet enjoyment from puzzling people with my sarcastic wit.

I decided back in grad school that people can either love me or hate me, that's their choice, but damned if they're going to be able to ignore me. So I have a slightly loud personality. People know where I stand when they ask me something. I have no problem letting idiots know they're idiots.

Also, I've been biologically incapable of fathering children for 15 years (it would have been dangerous for my ex to get pregnant again, so I took one for the team). But that didn't diminish my enjoyment of all kinds of activity.

I don't mind being an outsider to an extent; I relish it. The people who get me, really get me. And when I find someone of the opposite sex who gets me, the results are going to be spectacular.

So why not celebrate yourself?

It seems to me that you're going through a low point right now. I sympathize; I've been there. But the first step is accepting yourself. (This has been your Pop Psych 101 lesson for the day; it's also something I struggled with for a long time before realizing that I couldn't change for someone else, I needed to find someone who accepts who I am.)

At the start of high school, I realized that I could lead the bullies rather than suffer them. I became an even louder absurdist. When I got to college, I was the life of the party. I've known and interacted with an incredible amount of people in my life. None of them are part of it now. I've learned that people use others solely for their own gain. We should use each other in an honest and reciprocal way. I'm a magician and an actor. I know how to con. Personas are nowhere near as fun as honesty.

I do appreciate myself. I like myself more than anyone, even Noam Chomsky.

You sound a lot like you are describing me. I bet we both have the same challenges in finding someone compatible to date. It's tough finding someone else just as offbeat.

@TomMcGiverin If I could find a Firefly revival around here, it would be a start.

@Paul4747 What is Firefly? Never heard of it.

@TomMcGiverin [en.wikipedia.org]

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Hey Fred, seems to me like you like doing plenty of fun things that many people enjoy as well. You say you're an outcast but seem to inflect an urge for community and friendship. People spend a third of their day working in isolation or with a team and both can be stressful. I recommend looking for work catered to introverted individuals. That way you can spend a third of your day solo then find a group of like minded people where you live and plan outings. If you trouble finding a group near you then make one and post flyers and online ads promoting your outings. A nice mix of individual and social time makes for a great balance. We need people in our life to love! without that we are nothing but apes. We are here for you brother. Peace

Apes, chimps and monkeys have strong emotional attachments (one can justifiably say love) for others of their species, and to humans if they work with them. Primates in captivity have kept pets which they treat the same as humans do. We're all primates together, bro.

I'm an extreme extravert. I've considered an isolated position of manual labor so that I would have the leisure to think. However, I have a gnawing urge to lead. I'm not interested in management. I'm referring to influencing coworkers and customers.My life goal has been to save the world. It's a habit.

@Paul4747 I see your point but humans are the only people who consciously understand love and can communicate love in a multitude of ways. Our DNA is mostly ape but what separates us from them is our ability to be ethical and moral. For example: take a banana away from a moral and ethical person and maybe we cry or complain. Take that same banana away from a ape, chimp or monkey and expect retaliation. My point was we are so fortunate to understand that love is essential to existence and that we would be just primal animals without it. I hope that helps clarify my previous post. Peace

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