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After decades of my sociopathic ex-wife destroying the relationship between my daughter and I we finally started talking when she got drunk and decided to berate me over the phone. My suggestion is if you are having a similar problem to stay calm and tell the truth no matter what and let them know that whatever they were told you do love them unconditionally letting your deeds match your words. You will be surprised at how fast the brainwashing can melt away and how quickly the relationship that you once had with your child starts coming back. Mind you it isn't overnight but just being there for them when they need you goes a very long way...

Lizard_of_Ahaz 9 May 5
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1

It actually sounds to me like your ex wife has NPD Narcissistic personality disorder. From what you and other on here have described. There is no cure for this and their victims are forever scarred. I’m happy that you and your daughter have reconciled.

I wish she was only NPD....
She never cared who she hurt and lied to everyone, she had to be in complete control, she beat my daughter with an electric cord as a child which I never knew about because she hid her from me, she used her own children for monetary gain including taking the money they earned at jobs keeping them broke so they couldn't move out on their own, she constantly played the victim and told me she wasn't receiving child support from her first husband (I found out last month from my daughter that she had been until the poor guy died of cancer just after meeting his eldest for the first time after more than 20 years), she would if questioned either accuse me of lying and claim I was the one at fault or even lash out in violence and then call the police claiming I had abused her.... Check the patterns I was told by my own psychiatrist that she was one and my daughter underwent years of therapy because of her mother and was told the same thing by her therapist... Also it you look into it you will find that manipulation is a key trait of a sociopath they excel at drawing you in and taking advantage...

1

My daughter came back after she grew up. As she matured, she began to understand her mother, and that her father had only been trying to do what he could, or what was best. It's hard, took 20 years.

2

Thank you for sharing this. It gives me hope!

1

Are you posting your ex wife's photo? That is not nice.

No that is my daughter....

@Lizard_of_Ahaz She is beautiful.

@Tiramisu Very much so and independent, highly intelligent, as well as very loving. She has also had a hard life because of her mother and is only now getting things figured out. She now knows that I have always been there for her she just was told differently by everyone around her. I am glad to call her my daughter and do what I can to help her and my grandchildren.

2

Love should always have conditions if you want to have healthy relationships. Unconditional love is of very little value because it's based on your needs, not them.

@PhoebeCat

"Unconditional love is the choice to strive for the well-being of another. The feeling you derive from acting with love is your reward, the return you “get” from your own action. To love unconditionally is to act with love under all conditions. If you have to do something, or be a certain way, in order to receive love, that love is conditional."

I will always love my daughter, no matter what. She was hell on wheels as a teen and her early 20s.

"I love you," I told Claire. "You may not act disrespectful to me." I held a firm boundary. "I love you; this behavior is unacceptable."

At age 26, Claire apologized for putting us through hell in Mother's and Father's Day cards. Her words were heartfelt and sincere.

My love for Claire is unconditional because I strive for her well-being. I strive to be a good role model.

@LiterateHiker Exactly...

If you have to put conditions on loving your own child I feel sorry for you truly I do... You may not like what they do but if they need to earn your love you might be one of those poor people incapable of love like the Christians who throw their children out on the streets because they came out as Gay or atheist....

3

Over two years here, my girl is getting married and I am not invited #heartbroken

I missed nearly 3 decades of my daughter's life just hang in there and stay available is my suggestion and when the time comes hopefully she will see what she missed. If you know where the reception is being held you might also send her a present so she knows that you aren't a bad person... Believe me I know how hard it is and be aware that at first she may start out angry because of what others told her but if you open yourself up completely she might well end up like my daughter. I had to wait a very long time and am just getting to know the 7 beautiful grandchildren I have. Whatever caused the rift it will be up to you to heal it...

@Lizard_of_Ahaz I have sent a voucher, I email her most days (she reads em). I will never give up on her. I love her very much

@Amisja At least she hears from you I was even blocked from knowing how to contact her... Be patient and keep letting her know that you love her and hope she comes around that is all you can do.

0

Don't answer. Things stopped soon after a cease and desist letter.

My ex is out of everyone's lives even her own children's lives because all she does is use people... My daughter I am happy to have back and now talk to every day.

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