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The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them.)

  1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.

  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

  5. We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.

  6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

  9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify...." I answered, "a doctor."

  11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

  12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

  13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

  14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

  15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

  16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

  17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Spread the Laughter,
Share the Cheer,
Let's Be Happy
While We're here!

Tinocca 7 May 27

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15 LOL


Dorothy Parker - "One more drink and I will be under the host"
"Men seldom make passes at girls with fat asses"
"You can get a nasty splinter, sliding down a barrister"


I do this kind of thing all the time. I had no idea there was a word for it! Yay! Thanks for the new information and phrases!


#4 is very useful...ha ha ha


Number 11 has come to fruition.


I received an email from someone recently who included number 7 at the end of their signature.


These are great, thanks for sharing them.


While skydiving, its not the fall that kills you, it's that sudden stop at the end.

If at first you don't succeed, don't take up skydiving.


Norm MacDonald is a master of these.

Mitch Hedberg, Emo Phillips, and Steven Wright are too. They all show very different styles in being genius at doing deadpan with one liners like that.


The Marx brothers are my favorites for their paraprosdokians.

I’ve had a lovely evening, but this wasn’t it.

I could just see you leaning over the stove... but I can’t see the stove.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

You’ve got a good point there; if you wore a hat maybe nobody’d notice it.

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