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It's my brother's birthday on Monday. He would've been 58 so I'm going to go visit him at his grave and talk to him. I'm going to tell him I love him and miss him and I'll kiss his headstone when I leave.

None of this is done with the idea that he can hear me or that he exists on some other plane or in some kind of afterlife. He's dead and can't hear me or know I'm there. Regardless, I'm still going to do it for the same reason I've done it in the past -- it helps me cope with his loss.

He's not in a better place, he's not watching over me, nor will we ever be reunited in another world. Those notions are too silly and unsupported to cling to. That's how you deal with death, you just accept the reality that it's the end.

Edited to Add Just to resolve a little confusion, he didn't die recently. He died 11 years ago but I go see him each year on his birthday.

Sgt_Spanky 8 Aug 3
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10 comments

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0

Grief is such a personal thing. Whatever helps you get through it is all that matters.

0

When he died, I heard so many times "He's in a better place." Until I just wanted to reply "Where? In a box? How is that better?" but I held my tongue. I got to program his funeral playlist so the service was full of tunes from Rush, Kiss, Supertramp, and SRV -- all his favorites.

Much cooler than the usual religious dirges.

2

Whatever get you through the night is ok.

1

I’m sorry for your loss. After my grandma died, I went often to sit on her grave and just talk. I’ve done the same with my youngest brother. When I’m ready, I don’t go as often. It helps me accept they are gone and to heal.

3

I am of Scots-Irish descent. We always do Halloween dinner & we always have a "mummer's plate". Each a/tendee, if they choose, will offer a favorite of a deceased family member on the plate as a remembrance. My mother loved maple nut candy, my dad loved his Pepsi's.

At Christmas, there will be "grandpa Howard's pate", & "grandma Irene's black walnut applesauce cake " & other dishes that were faves of gone family members.

Everyone has ways of remembering those who have left us. I'm always interested in the ways people remember the dead.

What a brilliant idea!

1

I still visit my parents grave every memorial day. It's about memories not religion.
And it's a gesture they did for others. Many times.

Do what comforts you.

1

Sorry he's not around to hear your words.

1of5 Level 8 Aug 3, 2019
1

If it helps you grieve its okay.

1

What ever you need to mourn is fine.

3

I keep the ashes of all my dogs with me, in urns in a cabinet. It is just comforting somehow.........

I hear ya. I plan on being cremated and I'll have my dog's ashes mixed with mine so we can be scattered together.

My daughter has my dogs ashes. Her bf was her alpha last 2 years -he is devastated by her death.

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