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I think I've got it figured out. I think I now know why I have no luck finding someone. Turns out... I don't like people.

I had been off this site for quite a while and re-found it about a week ago so wrote a few posts and have gotten quite a few responses and it occurred to me that here, a place with the most people I should have something in common with, there has not been one response that made me think I would like to hang out with this person.
Don't get me wrong, it's not the people on this site, it's me, just look at my pictures, I'm an old anti social curmudgeon.
Just kidding, I like people fine but it seems I no longer click with people. It's an incredibly rare find to cross paths with someone where there is any kind of spark and I have so conditioned myself to believe it's my imagination or that I am misreading the situation, after all who would like me?
The other day I was at six flags with my daughter and 5 of her friends and I cross paths with the same girl several time that by the end of the evening when the park was closing and we bumped into each other at a store, she was very friendly and very engaging and all I could think was She's pretty and young and must be somehow entertained by this old guy and his 6 kids.
I've lived in the same house for almost 17 years and only twice have I met anyone that I was interested interested in. One before I got married and one after she left, and all I could think was there was no way they could be interested in me. But of course there were plenty of reasons to assume I was making way more of their friendliness, misreading every smile and every passive touch.
I am alone because I choose to be alone because I am perfectly contend to be alone and my search seems to stem from a fear of missing out. I have only this one life and I know it's sweeter to have someone by your side that gets you and makes you feel warm and sunny when they are near, not to mention sex which is pretty great.
I have become very good and refusing to see what might be right in front of me and too cavalier to let it show that I might be interested in someone.
Flus I'm weird, but I'm too normal for a weird girl and too weird for a normal girl so I already have a very narrow range of appeal. Plus I like forward girls, someone who is not looking to get my attention or wait for me to act, I like someone who is confident enough to be who they are and chase after me a little bit, I'm eager to get caught.
I'm not looking for advice, mostly I'm just venting, writing it down helps me to think it out and if I'm going to spend the time writing it I might as well share it, a bit egotistical I'll admit but not much more than asking for advice from a group of strangers. I know we all like to read these post to find stories similar to our own or even more fun, tell people what they are doing wrong.
I know what I'm doing wrong, I also know I'm not going to change what I'm doing. And even though I know it's insanity, I keep hoping for a different result. Such is life.
Nope, I'm going to go write the girl I like and be passive and friendly in the most platonic way possible and ask how her social life is going in the most "I'm not interested in you" way possible, I can't seem to help myself.

ThomasLevi 6 Aug 19
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5 comments

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Thomas, IMO, you need a challenge that will demand more thinking than the considerable amount you are now capable of doing. When it comes your way, you will get in touch with what you feel.

How do I know? A challenge like that came to me, or maybe I went to it.

There followed the most exciting four years of my life. Not for a million dollars would I go back.

Hm-mm, on second thought, not for a hundred thousand $ would I go back.

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Like the proverbial half empty/full glass, some fear the pain of breaking-up and others fear not loving again. The glass I see is half full.

The glass I see seems to have a leak and needs to be constantly refilled.

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It is very rare for me to click with anyone. I am always amazed at those people who seem to be falling in love left and right.

But you, you think too much.

You're right. He is way over-thinking things....

Think too much? Now that's an understatement.
But I used to be one of those who fell in love left and right.
But then I got married and something me died.

@ThomasLevi Seriously though, I go through a lot of that same type of thinking.

@itsmedammit I can think myself out of anything. A beautiful woman that I really like could say come over here and lets have sex and I'd find a way to think my way out of it.

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Well, that was quite the word salad! But all in all, I think you're a lot le a good number of us. Just here, trying to see if we fit. With others who are like minded. With the possibility of finding that one special person with whom you MIGHT click. It's a crap shoot. I try to get out there, virtually and in the physical world. So good for you, for being here, and putting this here. Good luck!

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We could sit outdoors somewhere & criticize the people walking past.....(quietly!) Does that qualify as a hobby?

The one friend I still see regularly, that's one of our favorite past times. 😉. We hate everybody together.

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