@Winkiedink54 well you're certainly entitled to feel that way and I see your point. But in the culture under which I grew the wedding IS mostly a matter of what the woman wants. Much more so than the man. I am firmly egalitarian. I picketed and marched for PP funding. I am a friend to the LGBTQ community. And despite all of those things I still believe this way. I'm not offended if other men feel otherwise. I just know most of the men I know agree with me.

@Winkiedink54 meh it's all good. namaste

The paperwork is still necessary, though, if you want your partner to have hospital visitation rights and influence in decision-making. Isn't that paperwork still getting married? Is it the ceremony or the legality that's objectionable?

@vertrauen It would still be marriage. It would just be without the ceremony if a couple does not want that. The people involved should be able to fill out papers for a marriage agreement, in front of some sort of witness who has asked if they are doing it of their own accord (a judge, clerk, whomever) and be married from that point onward--until death or divorce. I don't understand why the state requires some sort of ceremony with vows to each other. How many times are marriage vows made and not kept? The state doesn't go after someone for breaking their vows as they are not legally binding. The only thing that is legally binding is the marriage itself and what that means as far as rights and privileges. If the couple wants to say vows to each other and have a ceremony, which I am sure most do, that can be done. But, it should not be a requirement.

Many officiants (marriage performers, like me) offer a simple signing type service, where the couple is simply asked "Do you choose ____ to be your wife/husband/partner in marriage?" they answer "I do" and perhaps also repeat some nice vows describing what they're promising, maybe back it up with a ring, and seal the vows with a kiss. 2 minutes tops, and then sign the paperwork. Can't sign the marriage certificate without hearing some sort of declaration of intent to marry. No social wedding needed, but is often desired to celebrate the occasion.

Often what starts out as a simple thing like that, gets bigger and bigger, and more folks want to attend, etc., but the marriage contract, however loosely defined or precisely described in the wedding, is for the 2 people involved. As it is a life changing event, many couples enjoy having a few witnesses, and weaving some personal or poetic themes into it, as a life ritual, adding a layer of change to their relationship, making it permanent and official.

Seems to be the older couples, who may have been married before, or have been together for decades, who choose to do just the simple signing type of marriage "ceremony" keeping a low profile, and then celebrate by going out for a celebratory meal, or coffee! Must be called a "ceremony" as there is a standard type question or statement made, declaring the couple's intent to be married.