16 8

"How would dating change if...."

I can't imagine. It would be absolute heaven to me. The ability to have adult non-smalltalk conversations. Engaging, thoughtful. sighs sadly I can only find that here on this site. Not in real life. 😟

Melbates 7 Mar 21

Post a comment Reply Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


Not sure this would work Most people I know who go to libraries as serious readers (like me) are there for the BOOKS. While I might theoretically be interested in engaging someone in a good conversation on the joys of reading alt-history authors like David Weber or Harry Turtledove, should I catch them with book in hand or browsing in that section, more than likely I would loathe to speak up and break their concentation. Maybe have a separate area with coffee and and cookies det up with some areas roped off for different types of readers or notecards on the table with suggested questions or something? Most readers I know aren't big conversationalists and introverts. We want to take our books, go home, and read.
The museums and art galleries might work better. Abingdon has done this on a small scale already with its First Thursday program. On the first Thrusday of every month, the museums and art galleries and shops all over town plan special events open to the community. Food and copious amounts of liquor are available. Live music is often on hand at these venues also. You can easily do the crawl on foot partways, unless you imbibe too freely.

@bookdeath Being a fellow introvert with a book obsession, I agree that it could devolve into everyone sitting around quietly reading their selection and ignoring others. Unless we set ground rules or had levels like how this site gives you different benefits as you progress. Plus, several others have already commented how their city has something like this.


I'm not sure it would be that much different.. But then I don't tend to go to clubs hoping to meet anyone. I did meet someone at a museum though, look, long ago.


Sorry. Trying to socialize in a library or museum would be like trying to visit with an alcoholic at an open bar.
I'd grab a book and be out of it..conversation couldn't compete.

@birdingnut Bahahaha!!!!! I probably would be, too. There'd have to be ground rules for addicts like us. Like how this site has levels, which give you different privileges.


Libraries are generally open fairly late. Mine is open to 10:30 6 days a week.

@engineer_in_nj sadly, no. These are the standard hours of the libraries in my city.

Also, most people naturally go to the library for personal reasons and tune out other people. Me, with my social anxiety, I'd have my headphones on and "get in, get out, get on with life."

@Melbates I go to find books.

@engineer_in_nj Yea, as I said, personal reasons. This idea would make it specifically for socialization and not for tuning the world out.


The Dallas Museum of Art used to do a late night Friday thing once a month. It was a nice change from the typical Friday night social events.

That'd be cool. But, I use the city bus and know nothing about Dallas. I'd probably get lost before I even left the train station. LOL

@Melbates Fort Worth has a LOT that is accessible. This is a month away and can be lots of fun: []

@Meep70 you going with me? I have social anxiety. It's terrifying to do stuff alone. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. It'd be like when I go grocery shopping, "get in, get out, get on with life."


OMG, Yesss PLEASE!! This introvert would willingly leave the house for this.

@bibliophile_xo LMFAO!!!!! I have the same thought. LOL

you would want to be approached by people at the library and they try to flirt with you? I am not being critical I just want to know.

@engineer_in_nj we're female. Men approach us to flirt with us as we're entering the ladies room. So, this wouldn't be outside of the norm.

Also, it wouldn't be your standard library set up. There would, of course, be ground rules. I, and several others, would appreciate the serving if liquid libation. It wouldn't be like when I go to the library with my headphones on and head down and zoom around getting everything done so I can get out of there quickly as possible without having to interact with other humans.

I've already received several other comments from people who say their city does exactly this type of event with great success.

@engineer_in_nj Oh, shit. true. I was thinking they were good date ideas.


Sign me up! Now the fun would begin when you start the night at References and if the night goes well, you chat all the way though the Dewey Decimal-orded stacks to Biographies.

@brio77 Ooooohhhhh!!!!! Like a twist on speed dating. See if you both can keep up with the other throughout the various genres and topics. Nice!!

Knowing my luck, I would get a page.

@Meep70 ?????? Clarification, please.

@Melbates It is a pun based on the archaic idea of someone being paged over a loudspeaker or receiving a message on a pager---but books have pages. 🙂

@Meep70 Oh, okay. Yes, I'm old enough to remember pagers. So, when you said that, my first thought was when a doctor receives a page in the middle of dinner or something. I thought you were saying work would page you, therefore you wouldn't be able to enjoy yourself. My brain went a whole nother direction. LOL

@Melbates, The pun works that way, too. 🙂


There's a B&B /coffee and wine bar not far from me that has an AMAZING book selection and some talented musicians playing. Its basically what you're describing and my new favorite place.
Petition to hold the next Agnostic. Com conference here in Sarasota!

@blindbird Bahahaha, wait until I've been at my job long enough to accrue vacation time then let's talk!! LOL


As someone who doesn't go for the bar/club scene, doesn't drink, and who would like to at least socialize this would be an awesome idea. Problem is I can be quite reserved and so it would also horrible in that I may not actually socialize out of pure social anxiety.

Ironically I have people who believe that I am a totally outgoing extroverted person, and you couldn't convince them otherwise. That's because I could still be situationally extroverted and just totally go up to random people all happily greeting and meeting.

Yeah I know I am a contradiction. lol

Anyone in the Indiana Area interested in doing at least something similiar though???

@cimoore34 I TOTALLY understand. I'm the exact same way. Everytime I mention being introverted, co-workers, classmates, etc. don't believe me. When I came out of the hospital after a suicide attempt, everyone's response was "but, you're always happy and smiling" when I had to explain my extended absence. Being in a new situation with a bunch of strangers, I'd probably turn to stone. Since so many of us are introvert's, maybe we could have a sub-group of just us. LOL Oh, and sorry to say, I'm in Texas.


you made me think of the 'shhh' experience of the library we are indoctrinated with...I love the idea of libraries, yet hate going...I am bad at sharing....and that 'be quiet' idea is oppressive to me...if I like a book, I'ma gonna keep it....bad johnny....BAD JOHNNY!...but I have about 3 library books that I have paid shows are great for meeting people, but they aren't too different than clubs, except that you may have a shared pretense...I think breaking bread is about the best way to have a first date...sitting across from each other with only food as a distraction...

@johnnythorazine Food for a first date would be bad for me. I have social anxiety so the food will suddenly become extremely interesting and no conversation will transpire.

@Melbates Yeah, I have a limited diet I follow, so generic food is out for me, too...I used the 'breaking bread' term to make it very general, like coffee or what have you...I used to have social anxiety...I now have 'small talk' anxiety....if you ask me about the weather or some sports team, I go blank...haha....wouldn't a museum or library intensify that social anxiety? Bars are for that liquid lubrication....artificial courage....great for the short term.

@JohnnyThorazine another commenter suggested we make this venture include alcohol. I'm all for it.

Oh, god, I hate small talk. It absolutely kills me to do the "how are you? Good. How are you? Good. Well, that's good." Conversation about fifteen million times a day at work.

@Melbates I forgot about that part of working for others...ugh...UGH!...It's one of the reasons why I used to sleep through every break...I did mostly blue collar work, so sometimes the conversation was okay...or at least humorous. But most the time I took the worst jobs just so I could do it, it made the day go by quicker...thanks for the memories...haha...I love museums, though...adore them...haven't been to one in forever though...thanks to the portable museum...haha

@JohnnyThorazine LMFAO!!!! I work in a grocery store. So, it's kind of difficult to avoid those strange beings called homosapiens.

@Melbates I used to work in a 7-11 about...a long long time a bad area of town...the people were cool and fun, for the most part....but the owners and managers....absolutely awful.

@JohnnyThorazine my favorite customers are the little, old people. My church is nothing but little, old people so I'm used to being "caretaker." The exception to the rule are the older generation who believe the world owes them a debt and are extremely cantankerous because of it. My store is a mile from my apartment. We're in a relatively middle class neighborhood. Rare to get the drunk/drugged-out customer.

@Melbates Junkies, drunks and prostitutes, oh my! were our most common customers...and they were no problem, was the 20 something beer runners that were the asshats....hehe...Roddy Piper used to come in a few mornings a month though...and he was a really cool guy.


I hated the club the one time I went 2 years ago. I was sober and my friends were on ecstasy. I was kinda fat and I felt out of place.

@sarahroo29 I have social anxiety so, unless I'm with a group I know, it's a terrifying experience.

@Melbates I hate crowds and being around smokers.

@Sarahroo29 I used to be a smoker but quit in October, the day after surgery to prep for the next surgery. But, Yea, I'm not good with the crowd's either. I just told another commenter that since there are so many of us introvert's, maybe we could have a sub-group. I know it'd be easier on me, to say the least. Being around extrovert's, I literally feel like my life is being drained out of me because their energy is just so over the top.

@Melbates I'm around extroverts all day.

@Sarahroo29 I pretend to be an extrovert all day. I know the exhaustion of both sides.


No pikas, microns or nanos for you then.

@azzow2 whines But, but, but..... Pika's are so cute!!! Can't I bring him home and hug him and squeeze him and call him George?????


Another vote from me! They could sell tea, cakes and coffee too - it'd probably be a huge success.

Jnei Level 8 Mar 21, 2018

sighs dejectedly But, no one would ever do it because they wouldn't believe it to be a money maker.

@Melbates It'd never happen here while the Conservatives are in power as they'd be too concerned that it might be a money maker and libraries might become self-financing as a result - then they'd lose their excuse for all the libraries they've shut down over the last ten years, supposedly to cut costs but, many cynical lefties such as myself suspect, to further limit poor people's access to education.

@Jnei I think I just started crying. No other response seems fitting.

@Melbates Things are changing. People are starting to realise the Conservatives care only for their own kind and that the rich have just been getting richer while the rest of us suffered during the recession and austerity.

@Jnei being a number in the statistics of poverty, I wish I could experience said change.


It would be cool to be able to have engaging, thoughtful conversation.

Outside of the internet.


sounds cool. I have never met at clubs anyway. Really limits things. School/college was the main connection point but that is long gone. Here I rely on the local hot springs to connect for varied conversation

I feel so lost not being in college (I went late so only been five years since I dropped out). I crave the intelligent conversation and atmosphere like I crave oxygen.


Make it so. But with alcohol. Personal preference.

LOL I'll agree. I only drink in social situations.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:41024
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.