I could use some feedback. Have had a great career, was a single mom who continued taking classes many years of my life, had nice social life with many beaus and friends......but now??? Moved around quite a bit last few years.....but now live in religious bedroom community full of commuting workers, joined the groups, clubs but just not fitting in. Good health for my 75 years but feeling uneasy out there, not happy, always searching for a better place/outlook, etc.....True blue democrat feeling like I am in a 'red' world.
Is there a senior community out there that doesn't have rules for this and that and more? Can't find one.
Any words of comfort to decrease my discomfort.....???
8
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AnneWimsey
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
1
have done that many places....this has been the first downer in that area.
@sologal are you having trouble driving? I go almost 60 miles one-way once a month for a discussion group, found a cafe nearby I like, make a day of it. Once you get to something you enjoy, it is usually pretty easy to find someone who wants to carpool.....
Excuse my ignorance, but what is a "religious bedroom community"?
Mofo1953
Level 9
Nov 4, 2019
1
I'm wondering this also.
Varn:
The one I was familiar with in Oregon had planted itself just over a metro-area boundary into a hostile, religious-red county that cared nothing about it’s schools, roads, environment, healthcare or social services … yet had massive churches on every corner. If you did not attend one, you were ostracized within what little community that existed..
Its an urban area where people live but they drive to work every day which is at least 25 miles away (usually 35-40 miles away one way)...they fight traffic going to work and more coming home. They are exhausted and stay home inside their days off and weekends.
Varn:
@Mofo1953 It was a putrid ‘community’ (spectrum of mixed housing) full of right-wing religious & political fanatics who’d do their best to drive away progressives … while keeping ‘taxes low-to-nothing’ for their homes ..as they commuted to jobs in the cities next door. So they slept in a church littered low-tax enclave and work away. I’d have never moved there 
Varn:
@Mofo1953 Well, to have stumbled into the enclave I’ve described means you’d have done zero homework regarding the town. The one I’m familiar with was notorious for ostracizing newcomers. I’d politic there as a Democrat during their yearly festival and receive more hostile treatment than any other town in the county. They were arrogant, ugly, and proud!
Moving is possible… I knew a wonderful teacher and her husband who lasted around a decade before getting out..
Varn:
@Mofo1953 The teacher I knew was cool, from England, and had moved ‘there’ to be close to work/ her school. ...then the ‘great recession hit,’ they couldn’t get what they’d paid, but continued to make improvements. Recovery (much sooner in OR) - and they got the fuck out of there! New home in the rural hills … still plenty of bible-pushing gun-loving crazies -- but much further apart 
Varn:
@sologal Hadn’t noticed your response here: “Its an urban area where people live but they drive to work every day which is at least 25 miles away (usually 35-40 miles away one way)...they fight traffic going to work and more coming home. They are exhausted and stay home inside their days off and weekends.” BINGO
That’s exactly what I’m describing.. And just think … on those excessively long, congested commutes … these crazies are all ‘packing’ (loaded pistols)! And, with their numbers, they’re able to dominate the local school boards, county commission, city government, police departments … and prettymuch starve each - in order to keep their property taxes down.. Stay safe
Where do you live? (I'm just back on this site and don't know where to look for that.)
teachpeach
Level 2
Nov 4, 2019
1
I wish I could tell you it gets better as we age!!!
Who ever deemed ''this time of our lives as " the golden years" never lived that long!
Life has always been One way ticket!
Enjoy the ride!!!!
of-the-mountain
Level 9
Nov 4, 2019
1
yes, you are so right.....the golden years! I see discrimination everyday towards older persons...but I won't let that get in my way.
Group identity is a burden we have all borne in different measures throughout life. Where 'group' or mass identity holds sway, there will be meddling and rules that interfere with individuality in it's many manifestations. Generally, the more 'closed' a community is, the more rules. More rules also seem to go hand in hand with more people who need real lives ever ready to enforce them.
I feel your pain in that regard. My closest female friend lives in a 55+ community in Thousand Palms. It has mostly mobile homes but everyone can do their yard as they please and they are all very different from one another. Privacy is as much or as little as you choose. House color goes through an easy approval process. They OWN THEIR OWN LAND. HOA is a nominal couple hundred or so/year. Amenities like clubhouse, free golf, pools, restaurant, tennis courts, etc. are owned by a separate entity and fees for them amount to three hundredish. As with many 'communities' gossip goes on but one can adjust their social 'orbit' comfortably.
Intellectually, freedom depends similarly on choice of orbit. To closely limit identity in narrow terms invites regulation by other 'identity peers'. Abdication is part of the price paid for any membership and in most cases we're required to pay at the door. Freedom is surrendered for a diluted, if not counterfeit, sense of security. Physical 'communities' are not the only ones with gates and walls, they're just physical.
A similar functional principle is observable with what we call 'Stockholm Syndrome'. Physical captives come to identify with a captor and internalize their captive situation to the extent that they perceive any attack or criticism on the captor as one upon them personally. (abusive marriages also apply here) Intellectual or cult captives react in the same ways when their cult, union, political party or controlling political ideology are criticized and for the same reasons.
It is erroneously accepted by most people that the 'world's oldest profession' belongs to women. I see it as male and only six or so thousand years old. In slang we call it the protection racket. Trade free agency and loyalty for 'security' and hollow promises of better to come that never fully materialize.
How's that for Hop Scotching around?
Silver1wun
Level 7
Feb 22, 2020
0
The problem is always money. You can find anything you want of you've got the cash. Just see if you can locate some fellow reprobates, I guess. Good luck, m'darlin'.
MrBeelzeebubbles
Level 7
Nov 4, 2019
0
Money is not a problem but I certainly do not believe I can find anything I want because I have a fat wallet..........
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