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I caught my mom with Parkinson's watching some religious show where they were "healing people with severed spines." I've been her main caregiver for 10 years, we never went to church growing up (or now), and she's only been nominally Catholic. Mom and dad's thinking have both become muddier the last few years, suddenly watching Fox News for hours on end when not watching "Ancient Aliens", or something similar.

As for the healing program, I showed no interest so as not to get her hopes up (occasionally she picks up the phone and orders Golden Oldies CDs, or whatever, simply because a commercial is on). They gave a phone number to call, then a website. Mom has no internet access, but the phone number has me worried. She did turn the channel after a couple of minutes with me gently poo-pooing it (I said the singer sounded like a dying cat, which he did, and "What are you watching?", which is when she said they were healing people with severed spines).

Every once in a while the Directv ends up on channel 2, the infomercials, and I can't help but think that was done on purpose because they know old people are not fast, most of the channels are in the 200's (and start with the number 2), and if you do not punch the other two numbers in fast enough, it automatically turns to channel 2.

I guess I'm just generally worried, annoyed, and pissed about all the nonsense that is used to take advantage of old people like my parents.

greyeyed123 7 Nov 30
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17 comments

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0

When people are desperate they will believe the craziest lies if they think it will help their life problems.

0

Be calm but watchful. My step-dad used to smoke like a chimney and say all the "praise gods" he could while watching Jimmy Swaggart all the time. He also thought that god would heal mom of cancer of the pancreas. Common sense goes out the window when you get older. I'm 73 and cannot imagine myself like this in another 10 years or so. I don't think mine will come that way.

According to my insurance lady her mother was sending money to every politician or religious group that asked for it. The woman took it all upon herself as her duty. It's no wonder that she had to be stopped by getting a durable power of attorney over her. Otherwise there would have been no money left for the bills. If your situation gets to that point make sure the POA is "durable." A good attorney will know what you mean, and this is what we did with my step-dad in the end also. He's now in the nursing home.

0

Start watching AXP with them on Sundays, say, "If you like that type of conversation, try this, ALL kinds of believers call in every week and discuss their beliefs"

2

You know you can block any channel on Direct TV, right? Use the parental controls and create a pin that they cannot know. You can even do Fox News if you want to.

1

Everything on television is 'done on purpose'. They have experts that tell them exactly what works and what does not. Evil it is for easy led people.

2

If you have DirecTV you should be able to block those jeezus channels.

1

When you are desperate you are an easy victim. So sad for both of you!

4

I was a former caregiver to my mother for 17 plus years, so speaking from a place of love. Was it really the show? Really? Or was it just displaced frustration? So much easier to get irritated by a little thing than to address the elephant in the room. The thankless (yes I said it) non stop work of a. 24/7 365 day a year caregiver? Unless you have extremely supportive friends and family that are willing to give you a break, you rarely get one. It has been my experience that there was little to no help for family caregivers. It blew my mind how there are such limited resources to help keep the elderly thriving at home.
Caregivers need breaks too. You need to regroup and recharge. I hope you are able to rally some support around you. Sounds like your plate is full.

Things are better now than they were 4 years ago when a substitute doctor took her off lyrica cold-turkey, which caused a spiral that lasted a year. It's almost hard for me to accept that my plate is very full right now, since it isn't overflowing the way it was that year (we had to get caregivers for several hours a day when I was at work). Anyway...

1

She may be looking for hope. Everyone likes their independence, it has got to be tough for her to give that up little by little. Everyone also wants to feels useful.
To help with the TV, I got my Mom a Wee-mote. They are intended for kids, but 1) they have big buttons, 2) you can set the channels (yellow triangle might be channel 10 and red circle channel 32 ...) . You can program a couple of their favorite channels. I’m not sure if it works with direct TV, i was told it wouldn’t work with the Spectrum cable box, but I got it working.
I’m the primary caregiver to my 94 y/o mom, so I have some understanding. Different medical issues

CS60 Level 7 Nov 30, 2019
1

Do you realize how itd sound if you were ranting about your mom being exposed to science, and how the TV remotes were making it even harder for you to control her? Ive dealt with more than my fair share of older adults in cognitive decline, i understand the concern, but there are better ways to help steward her money, than treating her like a child. Even if its a farce, every older adult, like every human, wants their independence and will spite you if you try to belittle them.

I've been doing this for 10 years, certainly spent far more than 10 thousand hours, and 10's of thousands of dollars to keep them alive and as healthy as possible. See my response to the comment below this one, but suffice it to say that it is damned frustrating moving heaven and earth 24 hours a day (for, in this case, a decade) to be sure someone is semi-functional, and then be admonished that you need to not treat them like a child, etc. The only ways in which she is like a child is that she has a disease that makes her dependent on me in almost every way, and increasingly so as time goes on. I didn't give her that disease. I've never met a son who has done more for his parents.

2

These people are cashing in on vulnerable and desperate people. It is disgraceful.

0

My mom only has access to “over the air” broadcast TV. She does listen to her favorite preacher - Dr. David Jeremiah over the radio.
She and her sister compare notes on a daily basis.
I’m not sure if it’s too soon to try to intervene. She does contribute to his “ministry,” but I don’t know how much she gives.

I plugged in our antennae from 30 years ago the other day and was surprised it worked for the digital channels. Sadly, many of them are religious, though. Neither of my parents know how to switch the inputs, though, and I doubt they'd even find them interesting. Mom, I think, was just interested in the "healing" aspect.

@greyeyed123
My mom’s feed includes several PBS stations, and the main networks.
Her fascination leans toward the second coming of Christ and what we should do to defend Israel at all cost.

@SanDiegoAirport
The Koch’s are gutting public radio too.
There are still good programs of local origin - their news isn’t anything more than regular network programming now.

0

I may be able to lock out the infomercial channel without any problem, but if I lock out Fox News, all hell will break loose (and they'll know it was me who did it, and in the off chance they don't know, they'll ask me to fix it, lol). Dad gets up at 7 or 8 every day, and puts it on Fox. Sometimes he gets bored and it ends up on the history channel, or old westerns, but most of the hours of the day it is on Fox (the exceptions are for The Price is Right, sometimes Dr. Phil, and sometimes Judge Judy, lol--we also tend to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy in the evening). But dad has PTSD from Vietnam, stopped (on his own) taking his lithium in 2014, went overboard for Trump in 2015, and Fox News fit perfectly with his paranoia, anger, and mania. (Dad was a Democrat his entire life, until he stopped his lithium and the last of his close relatives died in 2015, all of whom were Republicans. Nothing else happened and he's given no reasons for his change of mind, although he really seemed to love how angry and loud Trump was.)

Mom's Parkinson's is fairly well controlled, and she is adamantly against giving out bank numbers (and has no credit cards or debit cards). Honestly, when she would call for the CDs and things, she'd end up giving me the phone and telling me to buy them for her, which I would, but that was several years ago and only 2 or 3 times.

I'm not terribly worried about this turning into anything more, I just don't want to have to tell her the guys with the "healing power" are fake. The "Dr. Drew" cramp stuff didn't work. The "miracle" laser spine institute was too far away (and in my opinion fake, or at least far less extensive a procedure than ones she had already had years and years ago that didn't help her back). The botox treatment for her overactive bladder didn't work (I suspected it wouldn't, her neurologist said it probably wouldn't, but her urologist said it probably would...so we tried it, and nothing changed). And various other times she thought this or that was wrong, so we go to a specialist, and they say nothing is wrong and send us home. Now we're going to the ear/nose/throat doctor in the middle of next month because she thinks she has a lump in her throat. A substitute doctor thought there might be something there, but all the regular ones say no, but she was adamant...so we're going, again.

2

I can certainly understand your anger and worry. If I were in that situation I would most probably have reacted the same way you did. However, if you are able to put your negative emotions aside for a moment, think of how your mom is likely feeling. She may be desperate for healing because currently there is no cure for Parkinsons's disease. However, (source wiki) "... medications can help control symptoms, often dramatically. In some later cases, surgery may be advised. Your doctor may also recommend lifestyle changes, especially ongoing aerobic exercise." She may also need to be reminded that although she may feel desperate for relief, God is not an option nor is sending money to preachers who promise he is. I would imagine that this is the seat of your worry as it would be mine. I ache for your situation and ask that you try to stay connected to the love and compassion you have for your mother while giving her some ideas that may actually work and divert her attention from "miracle workers." All my best to both of you!

4

Use the parental controls for the box.
You can limit what they have access to.
If you don't have it yet, get Power of Attorney asap.
You're going to need it as their conditions deteriorate.

You can also contact the cell provider to limit their call ability to only
certain numbers. Like yours, doctors, or 911.
Contact their bank to prohibit purchasing from their debit/credit cards.

I realize it's unpleasant, and you may receive serious push back from them (and
other family members), but you're only doing it to protect them from being taken advantage of, or making really costly mistakes.
Or to keep the state from stepping in and taking control of their care and finances.
Some states have "guardians", and once the state has control, it's damned near
impossible to wrest it back from them.

A cautionary tale for you.
Years ago, after my grandmother died, my grandfather got very
seriously taken advantage of. His mental state was worse than my uncle, his
primary caregiver, was either aware of, or willing to admit to.
(If my mother had been aware of his mental state, she would have been the one
to take advantage of him. Something I'm exceedingly grateful for. Mom was a
evil life-sucking bitch.)
This woman had my grandfather convinced that she was his girlfriend, and got him
to spend everything he'd earned and saved in a matter of months.
Grandpa burned through roughly $500,000.
There was nothing left to put toward his medical care once his decline became
evident.
When Mom found out, she was pissed that she wouldn't be inheriting anything.

I hope you've retained really good legal counsel, or do very soon. You're likely to need it.
Find out what your legal rights are in your state as soon as you possibly can.

Being a caregiver is one of the most difficult responsibilities on the planet.
I wish you tremendous luck going forward.

2

I think you are right to be concerned...the elderly are a very lucrative market for all sorts of cons and scams, but without taking away what independence your parents have left, I don’t know what to suggest to keep them safe from the power of suggestion, because the sales talk can be very persuasive. The possibility is there that they could be gulled into believing what they hear and ringing up and losing money. Talking to them and warning them is all you can really do I fear.

4

Hmm. How well can your parents use their skills on the television? On many models, you can lock them out of stations - pretty sure Direct tv allows you to do this with the pass word.

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