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Dealing with loss, and not a religious reference in sight:
[thatericalper.com]

girlwithsmiles 8 Dec 28
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21 comments

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6

Absolutely brilliant! You should all read this

Thank you for posting it!

5

That was beautiful.
And perfect.
And true AF.

Thank you for that.

3

Great thread and spot on imo. I equate grief with having loved. It is a testament to having people in this world that you care deeply for. It is essentially the price we pay for love. And it is worth it.

3

Very true..all of it. I lost my son in January...so the first anniversary is just about to come up in a week or two. The grief does come in waves...I am able to cope because not to is unthinkable. I lost my husband nine years ago, but this is harder to bear because one expects to lose a spouse at some stage...and we had a long and happy marriage, but a son at 41 years is unexpected and not in the natural order of things. I know time is the best healer when it comes to grief and loss, once I get past this first anniversary things will get easier, and I find friendships and being occupied and involved in the lives of the living is better than dwelling in the past, so I try to live in the present moment and even look forward to the future. Faith has never figured in my life so I have always been able to find the strength to combat adversity from within myself, but with the support and knowledge that my friends will be there for me. I believe friendships and the love of good friends is the key to life and essential to our wellbeing, never more so than at times when we are grieving.

Be well and get through it honey

@bobwjr Thanks...my other son is coming over to visit at that time...we will go out and do something to take our minds off dwelling on it.

@Marionville great 👍

@Marionville do much the same thing myself

3

That is really wonderful, and so accurate.

3

True, every so 100% true, grief from loss of a loved one never really leaves you, it just lessens a wee bit as time passes.

3

That was great!

3

Yeah, that pretty much says it all.

2

That is pretty good and wise advice, and the only valid advice I could think of. None of the religious fluff actually helped. I have grieved with and without religion, and believe me, it's better without.

2

That is amazing way of looking at it. If there was not love, there would be no grief.

1

Awesome being old I appreciate it

bobwjr Level 10 Dec 29, 2019
1

Thank you for sharing that.

1

A very well read in timely circumstances, thank you.

1

Spot on and very well said.

Zster Level 8 Dec 29, 2019
1

Very good read, thank you.

1

The waves. The scars. I don't know how many more scars I can handle. There's almost no place you can touch me that isn't scarred over.

Tell me about it! Unlike the linked article, I have found the effect somewhat cumulative, at least for close family members. I long since remarried after my wife died, and I don't actively grieve, but I feel diminished by the loss just the same. Not just her death, but the lengthy process thereof, and the connected suffering (hers and mine). Add to that my son's death a little over 3 years ago, on top of my brother and mother (those are just the ones who died through accident or illness and not the ones who died at more or less the expected time) and it feels ... for lack of a better term ... like I have been changed so much that I don't really recognize me anymore.

And of course that's just bereavement, and doesn't address betrayal and garden-variety disappointments and all the other crap that happens in life; nor does it set me up well for the accelerating rate of natural losses that come with age. My two surviving older brothers will likely precede me in death, for example, one of them possibly quite soon. And I sometimes joke that just like they had this booklet about "your developing body" when I was an adolescent, they should have one for this phase of life titled, "your disintegrating body"!

I am not clinically depressed, or even reactively depressed, but I do feel that such things diminish us just the same. To be involuntarily and permanently altered by a negative experience, is to be diminished -- even if you find ways to transcend it. I feel less, trust less, expect less, hope less. It's one of the reasons I think biological immortality, if we ever achieve it, will not work for us psychologically.

@mordant Yes. It does feel like a piece of us is gone. And it doesn't grow back.

I think I’m lucky to have them, lost my first friend at 16 and thought the world was ending. No scars would mean I never remembered him.
I don’t see it as losing me, but me carrying them along, so them becoming part of me via memories.
I guess it’s just a matter of perspective. I know I managed to make some lives better during the end and that’s a privilege.

0

I'm out of here.

0

"God's Problem" by Bart Erhman (agnostic) talks about religions BS. A worthwhile read.

Is that related to the original post about dealing with grief and loss in a non religious manner?

Yes, in the sense that it takes a look at the theistic fallacy. You know,"...nothing happens in God's world by mistake." In loss the element of personalization, self blame, can be serious barrier to a healthy recovery from loss. Personally, I have discovered that having insight into common responses to loss is hugely helpful for a healthy acceptance of loss. Also, author has several talks on YouTube. Erhman does not do feel good books but is a respected and prolific author. Give it a look. He is a noted agnostic sometimes owning being an atheist.

0

.I am of the opinion that we have closure on closure's terms. I was in a grief workshop chatting with the lady setting next to me. Her comments had to do with holding onto our grief. Our grief is all connected. With a new loss we experience the remaining energy of all the prior losses. It all has to do with being a sentient being. When I trust time to heal my grief is this just another way to "stuffing feelings."

I suppose we all deal with things differently, I’m sorry that your experiences aren’t improving with age.

0

So sorry for your pain.

0

I don't know, I saw a couple of testaments in there! 😀

skado Level 9 Dec 28, 2019

I think the 'testament' used in that was NOT in the same sense as the Faithfools use the word.

Testament: "something that serves as a sign or evidence of a specified fact, event, or quality"

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