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What is different about your sex life/ sexual image now that you have left religion?

For me I am much more sexually adventurous and willing to try new things. I also wonder if I'm completely straight due to religious indoctrination.

What is different with you?

DavidLaDeau 8 Jan 28
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13 comments

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1

I think we are all born bisexual to some degree. How that translates once a person is old enough to practice their sexuality differs as much as fingerprints do.

Deb57 Level 8 Feb 4, 2020
1

Well the completely straight thing probably has an element of social conditioning. Young people today are much more open to gender fluidity and consider it a secondary consideration whether someone they are dating turns out to be, e.g., transgender. Or at least this is what my stepchildren, both in their 20s, tell me. This is the sort of bravado that might not hold when it comes down to the question of being intimate with / turned on by someone who presents as the opposite sex but doesn't have the opposite sex's sexual equipment. But they are definitely more open to it.

I am and always have been straight as an arrow so I very much doubt I'd be, say, bisexual if I hadn't been raised with religion or just didn't have the influence of the mores and identities of the 1970s. But I would imagine some people have repressed curiosities / tastes that are broader. Is that a tragedy if they don't explore that 100%? I don't really think so. Everyone lives what they know at the time they know it.

As for how my sexual expression has changed, not any change to speak of. But I deconverted in my 30s and am in my 60s. The only change is a greater openness to living with a woman while not married. I fact I did that for almost a decade with my now-wife (her reluctance, not mine). I no longer automatically (or even by default) label an unwillingness to marry as a tacit desire to cheat or hedge bets. I no longer think that a couple "living together" needs the modifier "in sin" appended to it.

I would suppose people who deconvert younger or who are just more open personalities might experience more difference than I did.

It made such an impact on me as a child it still affects me today. My girlfriend is helping me to understand that people are people and like differnt things. I am finding out I like thingd I would have been ashamed to think about! I am breaking free from religious indoctrination!

@DavidLaDeau For some reason I always compartmentalized my sexual interests and didn't feel guilty about them despite growing up in Christian fundamentalism. And I've observed what appears to be a quite robust and healthy sexuality in both guys and gals from that background. This is not to diminish the very negative experience of some, but just to point out that it's a complex stew of parental and cultural influences mixed with very different personalities. Also, not all evangelical groups are created equal when it comes to hectoring people about their sexuality or being intrusive or controlling or shaming about it. My tribe didn't invest too heavily in that, and it helped. I understand not everyone was that lucky.

1

Not that much wasn't that religious for a very long time

2

As an atheist since age 13, I have never had any sexual hangups.

I never felt sinful, guilty or shame about sex, unlike men who were raised Catholic.

Well, I wasn't raised catholic, and I can testify that guilt and shame can come from places other than religion.

2

I don’t feel guilt about enjoying myself and loving people. I don’t feel guilt when a relationship doesn’t work and am more than happy to walk away. I’ve never felt the need to marry someone when it’s not right for me, or have children just because others are expecting it.

3

Absolutely nothing. I never let religion tell me how I was to lead my sexual life. How can a priest who took (supposedly) a vow of celibacy even think of telling someone how any part of a physical, emotional and mental relationship is supposed to be.

4

What a lot of hang ups some of you ex religious types seem to have, especially around religious diktats. Sex is a natural human activity and nothing is wrong between consenting adults...religion introduced the idea of right and wrong types of sex. Thank goodness I never had that idea imposed on me.

2

Not much has changed really - since religion was canceled before I was sexually active. I'll just say, the more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. So there remains little left untried ...

4

The huge difference is I am no longer preoccupied with maintaining my "technical virginity" aka not breaking the hymen with vaginal sex. And I will not be waiting until marriage (haa!) to have sex with a romantic partner. catholicism is cancer for women. I also have reconceptualized sex in my mind where it is not heteronormative and acknowledges that anal, oral and digital sex are types of sex as well. And the use of toys and exploring mild kinks has become possible.

4

I haven't experienced any difference. Masturbation is exactly like before.

However, being a member of agnostic.com has given me a community to discuss my [lack of] sexual identity. I've received a lot of advice and feedback. I'm starting to consider some drastic changes in lifestyle, which include (ironically) belief in things for which there is no evidence.

2

I have never linked sex with religion. Have never believed in "sexual morality".

4

I never had any hang ups even when I tried to be religious.
Sex is good, clean, fun. It's down and dirty fun too if you are doing it right 😉

That is great!

3

I left the church at 14, so it never really had an effect on my my sex life to begin with.

What about your perceptions about what sex should be like?

@DavidLaDeau My parents and Hugh Hefner were where I got my information and influenced my perceptions. All three were terrific teachers.

@Sticks48 and how are your bunnies? 😉

@girlwithsmiles All I have now are dust bunnies. 😉

@Sticks48 awh.

@girlwithsmiles Sad, isn't it? 😟

@Sticks48 a little, yes. It’s nice to think everyone is happy with a loving companion, but that’s not as simple to achieve. I stopped putting relationship statuses up as my friends were getting excited when I got a new one and then it didn’t work out x ten! Lols.
Of course finding multiple partners willing to coexist and leave you to call the shots is even more difficult 😉
I’ve known of a few in my time, honestly living it, and the women weren’t happy and didn’t/ don’t spend time together.

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