Wish that were true . Self IS the most important word of the pair, but the early age influence from without the self can be greater.

Just recently, I was interacting with a low-information voter on Facebook. She claimed that Obama bailed out the banks and that was proof that "both sides are the same". I attached some articles demonstrating that Bush 43 bailed out Wall Street, while Obama bailed out General Motors and General Motors paid us back with interest. She shut up.

In sixth grade I, along with three friends, were accused of shooting spitballs out of the bathroom window at a girl walking by on the breezeway. Granted, we looked guilty as we were in the bathroom, looking out the window and laughing when the teacher walked in.

We said we were innocent, but were all sent to the Principal's office. We were kept there for two or three hours, and we continued to maintain our innocence. He was horrible to us. He accused us of calling the teacher a liar (when we knew she was just mistaken, and said so) and we all ended up in tears. I should add that NONE of us had ever been in trouble before.

We were finally released.

The next day, the girls who had actually been the ones shooting the spitballs out of the window heard what happened to us; they went to the teacher and confessed.

The teacher apologized to each of us and hoped we understood her point of view. She was a very nice teacher, who everyone liked, so we knew she did what she thought was right at the time.

She told us that she would tell the Principal that we we all innocent after all. And, I know she would have followed through on that.

We NEVER got called into his office to receive an apology. He was a jerk though. I don't think he even liked kids. He used to walk around the school with a big red paddle named "big red" looking for some kid to swat.

Before shoulder replacement surgery, I discussed with the surgeon (who Listened!!!) that most of my previous surgeries had had a lot if post-op complications due to extreme swelling, like total failure of the entire thing, endless wound clinic visits, etc etc etc. He ordered ice compresses in a foam holder changed every 2 hours. I had No complications at all, and way less pain. So successful it is now standard procedure, with a special bedside cold-circulator so nurses aren't driven crazy! You're welcome!

When daughter was a teenager and young adult, she was too much like me: intelligent, high energy, stubborn, passionate, intense and funny. But delete the humor and add angry, withdrawn and sullen.

It was like being nose-to-nose and toe-to-toe with myself. No wonder her stubbornness irritated me.

A psychologist I met through online dating suggested Motivational Interviewing. It was designed to help get alcoholics and drug addicts out of the victim position. You can download Motivational Interviewing PowerPoints on the Internet.

This transformed my relationship with Claire. Instead of criticizing her stubbornness, I re-framed it:

"Claire, I love your strong will. Since a child, you have had remarkable inner steel. You can use your inner strength to say no to drinking and drugs, surround yourself with positive people, return to college and get your bachelor degree. You can do it. I love you and believe in you."

You should have seen her smiles. Claire worked and attended college part-time. In 2018, she got a bachelor degree from the University of Washington (UW) with a 3.98 grade point average.

She was selected by UW as one of the top 50 graduates in the medical sciences department. They sent her name to medical recruiters. Claire was hired by Evergreen Medical Center in Kirkland as a trainer and program coordinator. She recently got a big raise and promotion.

Never, because people who know me well, know I don't give a rat's ass about what they think of me.