Tough one ... Very personal for everyone i would say. All i can say is find people who are suppportive. I am Epileptic.. Quite open about it but i find little point getting into deep conversations about it really. People can't comprehend what they don't feel or live day to day. I feel you. Distraction is your friend. It's good to keep saying what you are saying as long as it is acknowleging your pain & it doesn't become a mantra. Things do and can change so maybe you are transitioning? It took me about 40 yrs to find any peace personaly. I think you know the best answers as it's your thing and the most difficult part in life is getting help that doesn't make sense or when there is no direct answer or solution. It's just tough. An old friend used to say to me, "Life's hard then you die" when things were really tough .. I used to really fucking hate it but now i laugh .. it took me a while .. From my friends experience I think Bipolar is missunderstood .. i have a friend who did find stability in later life. People do tend to make throwaway comments with any difference which doesn't help does it. Try meditation. What you are saying does not sound bad at all ... Sometimes saying something really angry and acknowleging your feelings is a positive thing .. from darkness cometh light ;0 lol ... to quote the devil book we all hate on here.. but that quote kinda fits this situtaion i feel.. that feeling is there to be acknowleged and worked with over time imo.

I have had several bi-polar people in my life. Some are in denial. Some self medicate. One was my significant other for ten long years. TG we never got married legally. His mother and one of his brothers was bi-polar ( a friend and roommate afterwards) but he was in complete denial. Mood swings galore-he loved me or hated everything and cried about his dysfunctional family. I felt like I had to keep him happy at all costs. Finally after 10 years on and off he got physically abusive and I ended it despite his pleading he'd do rehab and never hit me again. I ended the cycle. That was 9 years ago.