Interesting. I'm a former member of the anti-spank crowd. I changed my view on discipline last year after I realized that I was looking at the issue of parenting from an emotionally biased and traumatized perspective.

First off, I don't believe there is any "one-size-fits-all" solution to parenting, and that includes "gentle" parenting. I think its common sense and rational to say that a parent should ALWAYS be seeking to develop a close relationship with their kids. Parenting is NOT about raising kids because society tells you you should just to carry on the family line. No, having kids should be a huge LIFE decision that means you'll pour your heart and soul into raising that child with the most love possible. Back to parenting solutions... I don't agree at all with the idea of no punishment. Parents (most sane, rational parents) HATE correcting or punishing their kids, but it is a parental duty.

Correcting kids takes multiple forms and every kid is different, but I believe in it all that parents need to be careful NOT to go overboard regardless of the method. You can ground too long, timeout too long, spank too hard, give too many extra chores, etc. Personally I HATE the extra chores idea because your child is not and should NEVER be your personal caretaker or house slave to clean the house while you sit around and watch tv and do nothing. THAT is unquestionable abuse in my opinion.

Looking at the millenial generation these days, I am horrified at some of their obnoxious, disrespectful behavior and when you meet their parents, they seem so laid back that they just don't want to correct their child at ALL. Spanking did fall out of style in the last 30 years, but I don't believe, necessarily that there is any direct correlation in that. There are simply too many factors at play. I think spanking has gotten a bad rap because parents in the last 30 years have either gone WAY overboard or they've given out such a light slap that the child laughed it off and didnt learn a damn thing (parents that are on the extreme end of too gentle). I myself was spanked regularly as a kid and it did traumatize me and I resent my parents for it, but I learned that most parents are reasonably rational in metting out such discipline and they don't seek to beat their kid to a pulp.

The fact of the matter is that children DO need to learn boundaries, that there are rules and that there is a meaningful and painful consequence for when they make harmful, dumb decisions that they should KNOW are wrong. I think "gentle" parenting fails in many places because its often TOO lenient. I don't believe you can properly or adequately discipline a child who is repeatedly caught bullying other kids at school. Some issues are serious enough that a talking to is simply not sufficient.

i think gentle parenting can work for some kids and others need more stronger measures. I believe spanking CAN be used as long as its reasonable to the offense, and used sparingly with CLEAR warnings before the discipline is applied....and when it is, never spank until your arm wears out, leave minimal redness/marks and most of all, comfort and express your love for your child afterward. The child has to learn that the discipline was needed because they are loved and mommy or daddy have to correct them as loving parents.

As far as the bible and spanking, I could write a thesis on how the bible and christians have completed fucked this up to the one millionth degree.

I believe in natural consequences. Instead of baby proofing my house, I house proofed my baby. As he got older, I would offer advice but I never rescued him from his mistakes.

I only had 5 strict rules that could not be broken under any circumstances. He never broke any of them because he really didn't want to know what I would do.

The best thing I think I taught him was that no means 'don't ask again'. Too many parents teach that no means 'nag until I give in'.

When all my friends were complaining about their teenagers, I actually worried that mine was too well behaved.

Going off article:
It is good stuff. Some hit & miss for me. Mostly hit

Still working on it. Mom has sort of bailed out, which is OK, but confusing. So it leaves me. Both boys, 12 & 15. IDK what the future holds.
The 15 yr. old with poor grades, hates school wants to be a paramedic/ firefighter. The 12 yr. old with good grades who likes school, wants to be a party animal.

Confusing, but it all changes with time.

There have been no beatings, very few spankings, ever. Lots of negotiation. But Dad's word is FINAL. That's what they have to accept, and they're pretty darn good about it.

Joe gave me some shit last week. Called me a "jerk, fucking asshole". After some punishment ( go to your room, read a book and shut your mouth) ....I simply laid it out for him: "Not only unacceptable, But I never have and never would talk to you like that. Being angry is no excuse whatsoever." He did apologize

I think I let him off easy, but I also scared him when I turned on him and he knew how close he was to me getting in his face and backing him into a corner. The fear was in his eyes

I didn't follow a guidebook of rules, but I did a lot of what they describe and had really good results, not just with my daughter, but with kids who were regular visitors. I just considered it treating them with the same respect I'd afford another human being.

I'm sorry the results were mixed for you, but perhaps there were other forces at play than your parenting?

My son did it with good results

I agree with no rewards. I don’t think kids should be rewarded for doing the right thing and getting good grades as such. I think they should learn to revel in pride that they’ve done the right thing and succeeded in school.

But I disagree with no punishments. There are consequences when things aren’t up to expectations.

I believe this sets a child up for the real world and sets them up to do the right thing because it’s the right thing.

Early, consistent, measured punishment worked ..beyond well, for me. Mine learned there are limits, then best of all, how to control themselves in order to avoid the negative repercussions. Cost me a career ..staying home to give these lessons.. but we’ve a lot to show for them now.

The tragedies I’ve witnessed with regard to punishment are those who avoid it, threaten, do that idiotic ‘count-down,’ then go crazy when they finally crack.. So recognizable, and so sad