Thank you, Anne. You and I are two people who've had to deal with the agonizing aftermath left behind by a person who committed self-murder. Yes, you and I can understand that a person can be in intolerable pain and suffering and can't find a way to escape it except for self-destruction. I'm not minimizing that person's terrible situation. However, I want that person to realize what additional grievous wounds may be created by what seems like the easy way out. I know that trying to help someone who is a victim of a loved one's suicide is a difficult challenge.

Sitting on a park bench trying to console a widow whose husband killed himself because he lost his job, for example. She is certain that it's her fault because she didn't know how to save him. And I'm trying to help her get through the worst stages of loss and guilt to prevent her from taking her own life. I will forever lament that I was unable to find a real solution to her problem--other than send her to an MD psychiatrist who, of course, medicated her to somewhat reduce her pain. Now, my life is marked in an indelible way because of the husband's cowardly act and my own inability to help her.

From my own personal experience, I know the feeling of excruciating pain with no relief. Because of a physical injury, I suffered from a carotid cavernous fistula (google it) which, for seven months, drove me to think about self-deliverance. I could have easily taken the 9 mm. to the brain solution, and was totally unafraid to do so. But I was absolutely, totally determined not to create even more suffering in the minds and hearts of the people who cared for me. I decided it was my job to endure the pain until it killed me, but to NEVER give in to self-murder. After eight doctors in two states were unable to give me any help at all, a genius neurologist figured out the puzzle and found a team of surgeons who fixed that problem in one procedure.

So, I've been on both sides of that fence. When I'm working with (i.e., trying to help) somebody who's in that egregious pain they can't escape, I can relate to their situation from my own personal experience. Of COURSE I'm sympathetic to their pain, and I of course WANT to help. But I'm also just as sympathetic to the survivors who will have to endure on-going suffering of a suicide. My beef is with the person who doesn't try to get help and takes--what in many cases is--the easy way out.

I’ve studied suicide and self harm management and the best thing you can do is be there for the person, listen to them, perhaps get them medication to get through this and then deal with the issues leading them there - when they’re able to.
Try and get them to promise not to hurt themselves until you get to them; until they’ve seen a professional; until they’ve done anything anyone can thing of to help them.
Depression is not simple and everyone is different, I had a friend suicidal after someone jumped off their train platform and they failed to stop them... he, ‘saw the look in their eye before they stepped out’ and felt responsible.
All the best working through this one.
At the end of the day, if they go, you have to respect it was their action and hopefully you tried your best. You cannot control others.