I don't mind being the only person in the relationship who does all the driving. I have done it before, but I do mind being the only person in the relationship willing to take on responsibilities such as car ownership, housekeeping, or rent paying, etc. While the stereotypes my not apply to you, specifically, many women probably wouldn't linger long enough to find out. Just one of these things alone would be a red flag indicating a lack of responsibility, not to mention the three combined. Most women would consider these a sure fire indicator that she'd be doing all the work in the relationship and that he'd be a very bad risk. It may not be fun to hear that, but this is the somewhat less shallow equivalent of being turned off by ugliness, bad hygiene, and morbid obesity in a woman.

I think the messiness is a red flag because it may be seen as a sign of not being grown up enough to clean up after yourself. The majority of household labour is still being done by women and women do not want to be picking up after a man and their kids. I sense it is not appealing to be your caretaker or maid, and that is what a woman may see when she sees a messy adult man. Especially if the woman is a neat freak or super neat, you two would be incompatible lifestyle match.

The first thing I'll say is that you're only 45 years old. There's plenty of time for things to turn around. There's also plenty of time for you to make adjustments - work on yourself - if there are things you want to change.

I'm 66 years old, and I'm pretty much done. I'm very unmemorable. I've decided to try to become: attractive.

I've been doing the gym (until COVID-19) and lifting weights. My weight has dropped from 274 to 210. I've been paying attention to my appearance. It hasn't made any difference yet but I haven't given up yet. I have nothing to lose. And I've taken up a hobby. Google "Shibari".

I don't see living with and helping to support your mother as a negative.

Now, if you were mooching off your mother, then, yes, that would top the messiness.

As a fellow introvert, I know how difficult it is to meet people. I would suggest pursuing your interests outside of the house. You may well find someone who shares your interests. You are nowhere near old enough to give up.

My brother lived most of his life with my Mother. She always said that she was living with him in his house. She even put her part under his name. It was a great way for both of them to live. He paid off a thirty years loan in thirteen. He finally found a woman and they were married. It takes understanding and the realization that two people can be together under circumstances that may not be perfect.

First, I reiterate everything @Allamanda said, and add that this is currently very stressful time for everyone, everywhere. Aside from existing multi-generational and communal living situations, the new normal will doubtless include a lot more people moving in together out of necessity. It’s not going to seem as odd as you now feel it is.

Perhaps you’re reaching out to the wrong women and this has you discouraged? Have you tried online gaming forums or meetups? There are a lot of gamer girls out there who don’t find it a red flag that you game. Granted, most conventions have shuttered for this year, but that’s also a good place to meet people with similar interests. We have a lot of community here, too, and I hope you partake, particularly when you’re feeling down with your own thoughts.

I am not a neat freak either and my last relationship was overly OC. Not the only reason it lasted less than a year. I am a hippie at heart and live comfortably but hygienically. Totally a free spirit-thats me take me or leave me. I have dated a couple of guys that lived with their mothers or had a close relationship with them. It wasn't an issue for me. Suggest you check out Meetup.com. Thats how I meet local people. Stay away from dating sites. Some Meetup groups are meeting on Zoom so if you have a webcam you are good. I met both my husbands who both had no license or car when I met them.

Wow, those are some real and serious challenges. I do think you’re either going to have to either accept or change your situation.

Online dating is hard even for people who have all the boxes checked, so having these issues would indeed make it seem, I hate to say, almost impossible. Things seem impossible for me, and I drive and have my own place.

Hang in there, and try to find other things besides a partner that bring happiness into your life.

That’s awesome that you moved back in to help take care of your mom. Until last June, my grandmother lived with me. Due to physical limitations exacerbated by a fall last year, she had to move into assisted living. Maybe the messiness was just an excuse. But I wouldn’t give up hope totally yet. What do you do for fun?