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You need to love yourself first to be able to create a good relationship. Do you agree?

ladyinred1967 5 Apr 5
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36 comments (26 - 36)

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1

Definitely need to like yourself.

1

Yes indeed..

1

Er, tough to say. I've heard convincing arguments on both sides.

Do most people typically love themselves? I dunno--but I've seen plenty of evidence to suggest the notion that most people are less than (what I would call) perfectly "mentally or emotionally healthy." So how helpful of a rubric is it, really?

I've heard (from 'ceedling', on YouTube) the argument that this is a potentially damaging thing to say to someone with low self-esteem, depression, or other mental health issues-- tantamount to saying, "You're not mentally healthy? Tough shit--no relationship for you!" I'm not sure I fully agree with all the nuances of this argument, but it has its points.

For the most part, I agree that self-love, -compassion, and -acceptance are--and should be--the foundation of many ways of relating to and regarding others. I like what Ken Keyes Jr. has to say about it in A Conscious Person's Guide to Relationships: (paraphrased): "Develop a relationship with yourself before pursuing a relationship with someone else.". "Don't expect the relationship to make you happy.". "Involvement, yes; addiction, no."

I think it's a very subtle, nuanced issue and cannot be encapsulated satisfactorily by pat platitudes.

Yes. I also have issue with the inference that a person isn't"worthy" of love because they struggle with mental/emotional issues. That's a pretty awful thing to say to someone who already feels that they don't matter.

1

I think deep insecurity can undermine a relationship, especially if it manifests as "What does my partner see in me?" and "Do they want someone else?" or anything along those lines.

1

i disagree 2 a degree. i do not love myself, but i don't hate myself either. i have had some relationships that went well, and others that did not. i don't think u have 2 love yourself but i do think u need 2 have respect for yourself. know your worth, and do not except any less.

Byrd Level 7 Apr 5, 2018
0

Self love? What does that mean? Does it mean the same thing to everyone? Narcissistic? Or does it simply mean the good old fashioned "well adjusted"? Normal?

0

I can't say. I"ve never had a good relationship.

0

Love yourself, not your ego - makes good relationships.

0

Careful! Sometimes you get to love yourself and realize you don't really want a relationship.

0
0

Yes. But many of us are only just learning now how to do that after decades of not loving ourselves.

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