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I have teenaged kids (now) but they were 6 and 11 when their father died of cancer. I've always been very candid with them about death and (lack of) afterlife. None of this "he went to sleep" business either. They also understand that other members of our family truly believe they'll see their dad again. Kids and death... How do you all deal?

jeffers 3 Apr 6
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15 comments

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I went through this with my brother in laws kids who lost their mom due to cancer. I think the best thing a parent can do while they are still around and they know the end is coming to prepare them for the inevitability but the reality is no child is ever going to be prepared for it. We certainly aren’t as adults. It will take them years to get over it. All you can do is be supportive, spend time with them as much as you can without smothering them and give them space when they want it.

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When the time comes, I will teach my son that people's bodies die but we will always have the memory.

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I have lost both my parents. That's the closest my kids have come to having to deal with death. I have two kids, a son and a daughter, ages 25 and 16, respectively. My son knew both of my parents, but they never lived near us so I'd say he was merely acquainted. My daughter had a similar minimal connection with my dad. If there is a bright side, the fact that they weren't close caused less pain for my kids when they died. Also, the apples have not fallen far from the tree and they both get that dead is dead.

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I did the same as you as to me its the only way.

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My father died when I was 8. The "he went to sleep" thing. it really is a game of consciousness isn't it? We were too young for it. But I am NOT 8 years old anymore, I've experienced a lot more in life. (NO, I'm not a Christian). What you believe determines HOW you live your life. But what you believe does not have anything to do with THE TRUTH. In other words, whatever is is! IF there is life after death, YOU do not determine it. It is a biological thing, with our souls, our "beings". There are a lot of NDE testimonies on YOUTUBE. I also wrecommend some books, BEYOND THE LIGHT by PMH Atwater, and JOURNEY OF SOULS by Newton. Another ons was written by a surgeon called PROOF OF HEAVEN. Dr. Alexander got sick and went into a coma and died......whoa....... Dannion Brinkley wrote a great book SAVED BY THEY LIGHT. Once you an "experience" IT....then your life changes. One thing for sure, you are NOT gonna stay here forever, sooner or later you are gonna have to leave. So you have to keep an open mind about everything, and kind of prepare yourself for the crossover. If you don't, then it will all happen when you die. Then it becomes overwhelming like it did for my mother. My mother thought there was nothing after death. Just remember, as human beings were are NOT the highest form of life in the Universe. Personally, regardless of life after death, I believe that it is important to be a good person, and yes our souls are in evolution. We have to move forward and try to be good people. Why we are here, the purpose of life??? Don't really know it remains a mystery. I'm 65, and life is getting shorter and shorter every day. (Getting old sucks too!!)

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I am sorry to hear about your loss. TBH if I were on your shoes I'm not exactly sure what I will tell them about the afterlife. I may say something to the effect of live a good successful life so if her were here your daddy would be proud of you.

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My daughter's mother died when she was seven. I always told her that what made her mother a person was gone and didn't exist any longer, tried to explain to her what oblivian was. She is now, at the age of 45 an agnostic/buddha type.

I have a 17 year old son now and he accepts oblivian as the natural end of a person's life.

2

My son was 36 when died from a brain tumor. He had 3 kids, 9 6 and 5. I don't know what their mother told them, though I know she believes. We never talked much about it.

2

I don't know how to deal with it myself, as an adult. I see death every day. I've held death in my arms. I've known death with my own body, once, and yet still I struggle to figure out how to convey it. I believe in spirit of some form, to an extent, simply because I want to. I don't want to accept that I will never see them again.

3

My son just turned twenty. I am pleased to report that I was able to keep him from being indoctrinated to worship sky fairies. He is strongly athestic, as am I.

1

It's a harsh reality for them and you. My condolences.

My sister went through the same with three boys the youngest about 10.
She's religious so they were fed the malarky.

I truly believe the reality of loss is a better way to cope.
Less guilt.

PM me if you ever feel the need.

2

When my boyo was 5 or 6, we had a friend who was staying with us get murdered in the park. I remember someone telling him the 'he's gone to a better place' concept. We had to explain the fundamentals of religion to him after that. Told him it was okay to believe whatever he wanted to believe happened after one died. He seemed to be pretty pragmatic about the whole thing. I think the fact that he had a lot of people who were very transitory in his life, made it much easier to cope.

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Sorry for your loss. I always told my kids what I thought I knew, although what I believe about life after death has drastically changed.

I now believe in reincarnation and have ditched Christian beliefs.

2

The truth is always a better choice. They are/were bound to find out anyway (about death). Don't know what else to say since seems to me you are handling just fine. Sorry for your loss.

1

What good would lying do in this case? Having a realistic definition of death makes you appreciate your life, and maybe prevent premature death by suicide.

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