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Ugh the 'nice guy' complex. Why is it some men start out with a nice conversation and then the moment you don't reply for a few minutes turn into some guilt tripping stalker. I swear I was havin a rather nice conversation with a guy, but had to go to the store. Within 40 minutes I had 6 messages "well you know instead of ignorin me you could just say 'I'm sorry after 2 seconds of glancing at your profile I'm not interested in you!'"

What is with that? You honestly think you can guilt trip me and insult me into liking you? Sad thing is I wasn't disinterested until he went off the handle. Smh. Learn patience and self esteem dudes. It'll work way better than 'coddle me I'm insecure!'

LadyAlyxandrea 8 Apr 6
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15 comments

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0

This goes both ways and it drives me crazy. Although I'm a pretty independent person. If you don't talk to me for a year and then get back to me, I'd say "Hey, what's up?" like we'd talked yesterday. I have the opposite problem where I can be accused of not having enough "cling" in me.

Same. So many guys expect me to want to always talk lol always need them

@LadyAlyxandrea We're in a weird time. We're connected in so many ways but totally NOT connected. We need people to learn how to talk to each other but we also need people to learn how to be quiet.

It's okay to be quiet. To me, the sign of a great relationship is one where the two of you can be silent for a while and not think there's anything wrong. My ex always asked me if I was okay. "Yes, I'm actually enjoying the low level of empty static in my head right now. Just chilling and zoning out.....and loving it"

@JustChris I often get "look it's been days since you have spoke to me. Are you mad or do you just want to break up?" Umm no I just have been in my world...why do we NEED to talk every day?

@LadyAlyxandrea Oh my God, you ARE me.

@JustChris that is so weird! Just last night I dreamt I was a man, too. Who would have thought lol

0

If he felt like you left him hanging and he didn't know you went to the store...yep, you have to communicate that you're away from the phone.

0

I never understood it when guys I knew went over the top when trying to connect with a woman. It was always much more fun and mutually rewarding if the two of you met somewhere in the middle because of a mutual attraction. If they didn't like what they saw in me then some other girl would and that's the one I wanted.

1

Wow... someone who has clingy issues, nice guy or not. That would make me nuts in a few seconds flat. I like nice guys but I need space to do my thing too. Good thing I'm married. That sort of thing would be too much for me.

AmyLF Level 7 Apr 7, 2018
1

I can't help but laugh at these even though I know its a serious problem, and its hurtful and rude. I just laugh at the idea of "I love you I love you omg omg" 10 seconds later OMG Why won't you answer dumb **** w/e I hate you anyways"

Its like "dafuq?"

Right? It's like come on already we haven't even had a legit conversation yet chill out. I don't need this kinda drama I have plenty of my own without theirs sheesh

0

Two sides:

One, you could say (text): "away from the phone for a bit to run errands." I had to learn to do this, especially when going to the movies as if I didn't, she'd be upset that I wasn't answering for a few. Easy enough to get in the habit and forestall issues with not answering quick enough.

Two, I blame social media and especially the new phones. Instant communication makes us feel a bit like the 'voice' on the other end is there to satisfy our needs and diminishes the concept that it's another human being who might ALSO have needs. Because of the instant gratification, we forget that and tend to get nervous when the line goes 'quiet.' Thinking that the person has moved on, died, whatever.

I agree with you. He needs to figure this out and learn how not to be quite so egocentric and vulnerable (to his own feelings, really). That said, we can learn how to use these communications methods better too. It's no different than saying "please" and "thank you" or "hello/goodbye" in real life, letting others know what is happening, good or bad, etc.

2

All. The.Damn.Time.
It's like, yo bro, I DO have a life(sort of).

4

Guys love control. I had to learn how to kick back and wait. Hell.... I had to learn a lot about respect and boundaries. I wasnt programmed properly. So... I hear ya. And your right. We're not all proper and know what to do. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

2

There are assholes everywhere, even on this wonderful site. Grown ups, alas, don't always act as such. Don't blame yourself. One isn't tied to their devices 24/7.......or at least I hope one isn't! Someone that easily offended isn't the one for you....or for anyone else.

"Wait, there are assholes...." grabs two mirrors and checks "daaaamn! She's right!"

3

Most of us have been on the other end. Having a good back and forth, then a looong pause after you’re last sent message. It’s frustrating, but you can’t assume the person is intentionally ignoring you.

Common sense isn’t that common.

2

Lol. I use to get that a lot When I was single before I got with my girlfriend now. I was going through my midlife crises dating much younger woman with daddy issues. I’d be chatting with them and have to stop and do something when I got back to the phone it would be blown up with a million messages. Where are you at? who are you with? Why aren’t you answering? And I’d just be taking care of my son. People just jump to conclusions.

3

Gee, I should've know better, right????... Sooooorry.... Wait, wait.. no, what???? ???

3

Y’all were having a conversation with relatively short time between replies, it sounds like that anyway. Then it went to silence from his perspective. He way overreacted, but he was confused. If you’d said, “hey I’ll be back, have to run errand”, maybe things would be different. I’m not defending him, just maybe offering a view similar to his interpretation.

3

WOW! I must apologize for my brethren, as we all possess what I call a "dumb male brain." But seriously, that is a HUGE warning flag. He sounds manipulative, insecure and controlling. Hopefully you didn't invest/waste too much time or emotional energy on the guy. SmartPhones don't help either with the instant gratification enabling. But just because you can "instantly" message someone, does NOT give them the right to know what you're doing every single second of the day.

Luckily I only wasted 20 minutes with this attention seeker. Seriously though, I do actually have a life outside my phone, small though it is. I can't stop in the middle of doing dishes or laundry to coddle you. Holy shit.

@LadyAlyxandrea Well...That's a twenty minutes you'll never get back!! Just think of all those dirty dishes that could be sparkly C-L-E-A-N!!

2

Yes that is a red flag. Gees?

Yeah its a no from me lol

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