Literally just had a convo with a guy on a dating site who used the "I'm in a sex less marriage " line on me. What?! Do women actually fall for this idiocy?
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I never used that one even when it was the truth.
Wrytyr
Level 7
Apr 9, 2018
2
That's the thing. I'm pretty ok with polyamory. Doesn't bug me . What does bug me is the lying and sneaking and disrespect of the people who are supposed to be closest to you. I don't get it. If you know you're not good at being faithful, why not find a relationship where that's not an issue? Ugh
@Blindbird
Why? Because, imo, these people want to have their cake and eat it too.
They are brainwashed by society, yet too lazy and/or afraid to fix their lives.
I agree, I've no respect or sympathy for them.
Are you sure he said, I'm "in" and not, I was in? If he said I'm in, then he's an ass and no, I can't imagine many women are looking for a cheater as a partner. What an ass-hat! He makes men look bad.
paul1967
Level 8
Apr 9, 2018
2
I'm sure
To be fair, I did spend a long time with my second marriage being almost entirely contact-free (cf Cuddle buddy thread). It does happen and it hurts.
RobAnybody
Level 7
Apr 9, 2018
4
I understand it hurts but hurting someone else just seems like a bad way to handle that
@Blindbird How does telling you why they are on (assuming here) a dating site hurt someone?
Not rhetorical, I see his line as being honest. What am I missing?
I have done the cuddling thing .. that should be standard though.. women do it all the time for no praise lol.... The point is once it gets to the cuddling point address the situation as things can get complex... One of my exes was a HIV centre worker .. There is noting more soul destroying than having to council a married woman who now had HIV and help her explain to her kids that Daddy gave it to her because he needed a screw and forgot to tell her he didn't love her anymore... I know that is an extreme example but it is real life and there are a multitude of other damaging results from not addressing it right away.. End of day it's having cake and eating it .. hanging onto the security of running back to wife but getting the ride elsewhere .. Maybe for a minute it could be a nice feeling and even help the marriage again .. so then the "ride" gets the boot and they get hurt .. Hurting people because you are hurt is like setting fire to a house because you accidentally burned down the shed.
@RobAnybody. Because asking someone to cheat with you is deeply disrespectful of the marriage and the person you're trying to talk into being a mistress. It's emotionally damaging to everyone involved.
@Blindbird So he's definitely cheating? Not talked it out with his partner and they're doing this to try to save the relationship? (This was recommended to my second wife by her psychologist)
How is it disrespectful of the third party? it seems honest enough to me to be up-front about the fact of the primary coupling.
My VSS-O certainly doesn't dis me by having other partners.Ours is the primary relationship, and this is made VERY clear.
@RobAnybody no. He specifically said that he was trying to keep it quiet so his wife doesn't find out. I really don't understand why you're trying so hard to justify a complete strangers attempts at cheating, honestly.
@Blindbird Not trying to justify anything. On the information in the OP there was no indication that he was cheating. Your post above is the first time you've mentioned that he was trying to keep it quiet.
No, sneaking about is not acceptable. Didn't do it to either of my wives, won't do it to my VSS-O.
"Oh? Then tell your wife to call me up, because, I hear she's in a sex less marriage, too." And I bet you wouldn't of even had to block him...hehe
JohnnyThorazine
Level 7
Apr 9, 2018
6
@Blindbird *"I'd think you'd work on your marriage before trying to drag others into the situation as well wouldn't you? This wasn't a poly situation, he specifically stated that his wife didn't know and thats why he doesnt do "dates".
How much contempt do you have to have for another person to think they'd be ok with being blatantly used like that?
I have been approached by some men in committed, monogamous relationships, as well as a few women. Before Craigslist did away with their personals category, I saw some men looking for married women 'in similar situations", for just sex. Like you said, they shouild work on their relationship, or do the honest thing and get divorced.
I've been told the reasons for not getting a divorce are not wanting to pay alimony, fear that the wife would make it dififcult to see their children, etc... I suspect that loss of status is another reason.
Well put re: "not trying to drag others into the situation". I know a single woman who fell in love with a married man on a social networking site they both used to frequent. Supposedly, he loved her, too. He was married, kids, the whole shebang. To make a long story shorter, she came away with a broken heart and much less money in her bank account after he abandoned her, and he went on with life as usual.
ailurophile
Level 7
Apr 9, 2018
2
Sounds par for the course.
I don't, but I hear it a LOT. That and, "We're in an open marriage." Or, "I just want to talk."
Sure.
They exist to remind me why I'm okay single.
Lysistrata
Level 7
Apr 9, 2018
6
If he's in one then he should end the marriage or try to do something about it. If he has kids I understand how hard that is but that's all the more reason to go to counseling and state what a serious problem this is. It's literally putting the family unit at risk. However if he's chatting up girls then basically he's a coward and its not your problem. I had a relationship I had to end just before marriage over that very topic(he was the one who wasn't interested). I'm happy I did and never looked back.
ThereIsADog
Level 4
Apr 9, 2018
6
Oh yeah. Not my problem and he's been blocked but I'm flabbergasted that someone would value others so little.
I used to hear it all the time. Worst pick up line ever.
Nottheonlyone
Level 7
Apr 9, 2018
5
Seriously though. Mem thought that would work?
Apparently so. And for as often as I've heard it, it must work occasionally.
I was in one of those
NothinnXpreVails
Level 8
Apr 9, 2018
4
Lots of people are but Damn . I'd think you'd work on your marriage before trying to drag others into the situation as well wouldn't you? This wasn't a poly situation, he specifically stated that his wife didn't know and thats why he doesnt do "dates".
How much contempt do you have to have for another person to think they'd be ok with being blatantly used like that?
@Blindbird right?
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