TW: d**g use. Also a long post.. sorry

Ever since I started EMDR with my counselor I’ve been bitter towards not only my mother, but my whole family. They all knew what was happening at home and would tell me how horrible it is and how it shouldn’t be happening. They even told me once that they were going to contact DHS but never did. They always sent me back to my mom to be mentally and physically abused.

They also treated me like I’d never make it in life. It was very obvious that they thought this and when I confronted my great grandfather about it recently he told me he thought I’d end up just like my mom. This is why I pushed so hard in school. It was my only safe space from home and I wanted to prove to them that I was “worth” something. Well here I am with a degree at 22, working on my masters, and they treat me way WORSE.

I got into it with my cousin recently for speaking out about her neglecting and mentally abusing her daughter & was told I can’t see her kids anymore & got blocked. Oh well. I’m still in contact with her daughter who is safe now at my great aunts (who I grew up close to) who she tells me scoffs every time she talks about me. My mom is no support and acts like nothing I do is worth mentioning outside of Facebook. Since she gets praised for how I turned out... I don’t understand what I’ve done to all of them for them to have always treated me like this. It makes me feel like I’m “crazy” and that I’m the toxic one but I go out of my way to do right by all of them.

I just don’t understand and I’m left feeling guilty that I want to cut them all out of my life. I’m even excited to move states to get away from them and it feels wrong. I don’t feel like I belong when I’m around them & never have. My nana was the only one I was close to and the only one that ever supported me. She’s the reason they started inviting me to holidays again. She died of an overdose in January and I know that if my great grandpa didn’t insist they invite me, they wouldn’t. He’s 92 and in perfect health but I worry he won’t be here long and their attitudes towards me will only get worse. I wish my mom wouldn’t have ruined my relationship with my dads family because I feel like an alien there too. I guess I’m just ranting but god damn it fucking sucks to finally be in a good place but have no real support system.