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"In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether: hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. It’s much easier, after all, to set up an account on Tinder."
4
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It is easier to sleep around.
ArthurPhillips
Level 6
Apr 14, 2018
0
As one who was slept around on in her first idealistic marriage by a guy who is now on his fifth wife, last I heard; I wonder if he'd agree? I know I don't.
@Angelface I'm talking about my personal experience. I realize that I'm not everyone else. It works for me, but not for all.
There are other cultures in which there is no expectation for married men and women to have sex only with each other. "Marriage" need not equal "monogamy".
stinkeye_a
Level 8
Apr 13, 2018
2
This is a good discussion, glad I stumbled upon it . For all of my marriage, and even in my early twenties, I was performing with a false identity of living up to the image of being a black man that threw down in the bedroom. I must say , I handled business. to represent Africa as the Brothas would say was my basis for sex. As my Marriage progressed and I started to realize this, I lost interest in sex and was more interested in self awareness. I’m currently at the end of a divorce, and as I look back . I wasn’t able to pinpoint this at the time ; My Ex doesn’t know to this day because it’s my issue now, There were other factors as well, but now I’m discovering the real Jeff and that has been interesting in and of itself . My ex has moved on and I’ve found I no longer think about her sexually, I’ve been with a few ladies and sometimes I’m into and sometimes I’m not so I have some discovery left in this arena. Why I’m sharing this who knows, maybe somebody will get something out of it . A mental connection is important to me as well . Thanks everyone who shared !! I’m getting some much needed inspiration from you all.
Outsideit67
Level 7
Apr 13, 2018
2
Why do humans get the looks at one stage but not the self-awareness and maturity that comes with time? Darn aging!
I have had four long term relationships and was one of those foolhardy ones married directly out of high school due to Vietnamn and other pressures. Marriage and relationships seem so complicated. Now I'm enjoying my first ever singlehood & I'm too busy learning who I am to make time to learn someone new. Perhaps I'm finally maturing?
Angelface
Level 7
Apr 13, 2018
2
Never checked out Tinder-if thats where married guys go forget it. Imet a guy on POF and had his wife/gf screaming at me on the phone. Never again.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Apr 13, 2018
2
Even for the hottest woman, there is that one guy sick and tired of having sex with her.......
IamNobody
Level 8
Apr 13, 2018
2
Then don't marry her, how hard is that. Seriously. You lot are putting me off dating and relationships altogether.
@Blindbird Hey that social system has been enforced for thousands of years, don't blame me..... I just work here, you know? Or how about this one.. don't shoot the messenger !! ... Seriously, if I may state a fact then not to like it won't make it less true.... In other words, I didn't invent life, you know?
And by the same token, even for the most handsome Joe, there is the one girl tired of having sex with him. Yes, it is a two way street
@IamNobody and yet you have a choice about how you live it. "But society made me this way!" What you're not capable of thinking and acting for yourself?
@Blindbird... ok sister, you lost me on your last comment. The whole thread has been generic enough to address an issue that affects a lot of couples either direction, the male of female. I hope I am wrong and you still meant "what you're not capable of thinking and acting for yourself?" as a thought that will apply in general to whoever may feel affected by this issue we are discussing. Just in case and to be on the safe side of the fence, I am capable of thinking and acting for myself....uffff..there you go, I've said it !! (Sorry, can't take myself seriously most of the time and today (Weekend) I am sitting at my PC, not my tiny phone which I use work days, so I can type and type and type..... but that's enough. Let me know your thoughts or comments and if I was wrong then just say so, that would make me feel a bit better, ok?
I lived in a small apartment house in the old city of Heidelberg, Germany for 15 years. There was 2 other Americans and a Brit in the house and, naturally it became a party place. One guy was a good friend. He was former military officer, 6' 4" 190 lbs, good looking, highly intelligent, extrovert and single. He was the town playboy (we called him the bumsmeister in German). There were so many women who, like the story looked for someone who was "safe" and he took as many as possible on their wants. Occasionaly, one would fall in love with him and move in (it was always part-time). Of course he continued to play the field even when with another and it always led to a break-up and anger (on her part). He bought the house, has a financial planning business (with a staff of young women) and still lives there. Unfortunately, he is in his 70's and his lifestyle has made overweight and bent over. I think his playing days are over and I wonder how he feels about his situation.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Apr 13, 2018
1
I have a friend, Israeli, who is younger but is beginning to resent how folks see him and what other men have. He doesn't see himself committing to anyone. I don't know what to tell him.
It is a complex subject. Married couples do often grow apart, especially if they married fairly young and have now developed in different directions. I have known several couples who split up after ten or even twenty years of marriage because they were no longer interested in each other. And I think far more women than are willing to admit it are simply not that bothered about sex. They see it as something they can offer in return for what they want - affection, stability, a supportive relationship, especially if there are children. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy it - it just isn't as important as it seems to be for men.
CeliaVL
Level 7
Apr 13, 2018
2
A women that proposes sex to a man without an emotional relationship is very hard to resist when the needy man is refused sex in his relationship at home. I'm sapiosexual so if the women offering has a beautiful mind then she would be irresistible to me if I had a sex problem at home.
Lukian
Level 8
Apr 13, 2018
0
Sapiosexual is no justification for this action its simply selfish and a lack of control. It's totally down to individuals and not all men would behave this way . . Being attracted to intelligence does not suddenly absolve all other factors such as a lack of empathy - the decision to cheat etc! Different things.
I think you went a little hard when I tried to be nuanced. Where did you get the absolving angle?
@Lukian Quote you, (lol you get one explanation then if you don't get it there s no point - I haven't started), "I'm sapiosexual so if the women offering has a beautiful mind then she would be irresistible to me if I had a sex problem at home" ....
Lets break it down ..
"I'm sapiosexual so...." (random hypothetical situation forgetting yours for now)
So the definition of sapiosexual is; Attracted to intelligence primarily.
In no way does that explain cheating on a partner! It just means you are attracted to intelligence.
In no definition of sapiosexual does it say;
"sapiosexuals are people attracted primarily to the intelligence of partners and this force is so strong they turn into raving sex maniacs and may stray in marriages or relationships due to their improbably strong urge to mate with people they think are clever"
The fact that you find the other person "irresistible" and that you wouldn't be able to help yourself (hypothetically) is entirely down to your personal moral code that you have built over your lifespan and the decision (as it is a decision to deceive or lie with premeditation to someone close) is your responsibility not that of urges born of the definition sapiosexual. That is all it is ... A definition ... Not a code of behaviour .. 
When I go my divorce 50 years ago, I was certain that I no longer wanted to be married and certainly did not want more children. I had a vascetomy to take care of the child issue. I have been a hedonist and very active sexually all my life and there is nothing I enjoy more than sex. I made the decision that I would not elliminate any woman from the possibilty of a sexual encounter. I shared sexual experiences with many married woman and none desired to leave their husbands and maintained they loved them, they only wanted to have an extramartial relationship and I was the perfect man for that. To the best of my knowledge, the affairs we enjoyed was not responsible for any marriage failures and everyone was a winner. IMHO
jlynn37
Level 8
Apr 13, 2018
1
Yeah, I don't get why people try to blame the person hooking up with the married person the most. The married person is the one with the responsibility to keep it in their pants. I have seen women blame other women more than they blame their husband or boyfriend when HE'S the one that is cheating.
@Piece2YourPuzzle Why is there anyone or anything to "blame". We do what we do and live our lives. You do you and I do me, just strive to cause no harm.
@jlynn37 There is blame if one partner has their trust broken after being lied to and cheated on. That is fundamental. As to blaming anyone other than the spouse, perhaps that is a form of self-protection or simply not wanting to acknowledge how deep a betrayal. I would say if you want to cheat, either have an honest discussion with your partner or strike out on your own. Lying and cheating is pure selfishness.
Ah. I read this one too, I guess communication really is key in a relationship.
girlwithsmiles
Level 8
Apr 13, 2018
4
And trust and a desire for things other than just sex.
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