Why does it seem that some people go out of their way to be unpleasant? I've often upset a someone by being a little thoughtless or insensitive, I'm a long way from perfect and it's upset me to think I've hurt or upset someone, being cruel, unpleasant or rude has never been my motivation. I don't understand anyone who's like that all the time?
some are angry because they have sought to find happiness outside of themselves and, of course, that did not turn out well. They want to blame the world for their misery and they only feel a sense of satisfaction when they can bring others down to their level. don't take it personally. the negative comments are a reflection of themselves, nothing to do with you,
A lack of self esteem is often at the core, thus they over-compensate, pretending that ‘the best defence is a good offence.’ Having both volunteered and worked within schools, there’s a special kind of insight when parents can be observed with their kids … the apple rarely falls far..
Seems it can be a preemptive failure mode; ‘Everyone eventually considers me an asshole,’ ‘so why not drop all pretence and just be that a-hole’...? It also appears to be a way of backing others away from a fragile ..id.
There are several personality disorders that include or exhibit mean and uncaring behavior.. BPD is one I’m familiar with, which includes impulsive angry outbursts; in women, they really stand out; in men, it’s more often accepted as ‘typical male behavior.’ We’ve a very mean and uncaring malevolent narcissist in the White House at the moment … exhibiting further ‘cluster B’ behavioral traits. Some ask, ‘why’s he such an asshole?’ - it’s a condition of his mental illness…
And, if they’re a guy ..apparently some women are drawn to the ‘tuff, strong, all-knowing belligerent hardguy’… the guy’s pegged as her ‘defender,’ so must permanently assume this aggressive posture.. She feels safe, he feels needed - and we can’t get far enough fast enough
Not sure how many guesses that is … but those are mine
Agreed. I always wonder what about their life is so bad that they have to be mean to others seemingly for the sake of being mean. I've had people tell me I'm too nice and I think the world could use a little more of that. Doesn't seem like a bad thing to me.
The ones who are deliberately thoughtless and insensitive are just plain jerks.
If they're intentionally trying to hurt someone's feelings, they are basically assholes.
However, there are plenty of times when people can be that way without meaning to.
It happens. I also think there are far too many people who are overly-sensitive,
and thin-skinned, who can't handle people who are a little more coarse, or rough
around the edges. A lot of people need to toughen up and be less sensitive.
Not everything is meant to offend people's delicate sensibilities.
And I'm probably going to catch hell for this comment.
I have to echo what Duchessa says: some people are miserable. Sadly, some of them want other people to be miserable, too.
I think it is a form of negative power. When someone is rude or abusive, they get a certain sense of satisfaction in knowing that they manipulated the emotions of another person. When we compliment someone, it makes us feel as good as the person who received the compliment; I s'pose that we are "manipulating" them in a sense as we want them to feel good, but there is nothing wrong with that.
I have seen the "evil" gleam in people's eyes when they hurt someone's feelings. They enjoy causing the pain.
People seek power in various ways. The old biddy (who is about my age, but still old) who sits in McD's and gossips to her cronies about how inappropriately I dress (too young for my age) gets a sense of righteous power because her friends agree with her. She would never say it to my face, though, because she knows that I would retort and that would strip her of the power.
I have responded to rude people in various ways, and not usually by being rude back. It takes the wind out of their sails because they do not get the response that they wanted.
And sometimes, people are not aware that they are being rude. I have been accused of being rude because I speak forcefully (years of teaching). Other times, people are just in bad moods or, maybe, their dog just died.
We can understand that, but as you say, not why someone would be like that all the time.
Their worst "punishment" is that they live their lives.
It takes work, self-knowledge, and will power, but it is up to the individual to overcome a natural proclivity to be this way. Not wanting to be thoughtless is the first step; fixing yourself takes time. I wish I could say that I've had 100% success, but I haven't.
Well, some people are just having bad days, and like you, they unintentionally make a fuss. Others have been hurting for a long time, and the only way they know to release the pain they feel is to make others upset. This won't help them in the long run, but they don't realize that. Occasionally, there is a person who actually means to upset people and doesn't care. Those people decide to be cruel because they don't actually feel much in terms of empathy and other people's feelings are just toys to them. They likely have a problem with their brain chemistry. In severe cases, people like that can be sociopaths.