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Do you believe in love at first sight? I'm feeling lost and desperate, and wonder if my soul mate is out there to be found.

All_is_fair 3 Apr 16
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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Everything has been said that could be said about your question so I am going to take this opportunity to give you an apology. I was on a crew that built a Pizza Hut in Elizabethtown in 1975. As far as I was able to ascertain at the time it was the first franchised restaurant in the whole town. I am sure it started a trend that has never ceased. I apologize for contaminating your beautiful city.

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Why not search through the list of men living closeby in your preferred age group and send them a Private Message inviting them to respond. Include your photo, and a little about yourself.

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I believe in physical attraction at first sight. I absolutely could not fall in love with a woman without getting to know her reasonably well.

However, if love at first sight exists I'm at a distinct disadvantage. I have to really on my charming personality and clever with to woo women rather than my physical appearance.

JimG Level 8 Apr 17, 2018
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No! Not trying to be a literalist here, but seeing attraction in someone is not a belief. One has no choice in that.

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I don't even know if I believe in love any more. Getting divorced after 33 years of marriage will make you question it. Love at first sight? I never did believe in that.

Why would your divorce have you question loving someone?

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I haven't personally experienced it. I have only fallen in love after a lot of conversation. Having said that I do find it possible to know it's unlikely to work unless you at least spend a modicum of time to get to know one another at least superficially. Which gets back to love at first sight being by definition superficial and highly unlikely to last...

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Sorry, that would require that you and another person have soulds. I don't believe in souls.
I believe in lust at first sight but that is usually one sided.
Reciprocal love can range from a brief powerful emotional encounter to something that develops over tme. A blend of the two would be awesome.
There are potentially many thousands of possible suitable partners. Don't expect magic, look at it more as a business transaction, what do you each offer, what do you each need/want, what don't you like about the other, how much are you willing to compromise.
I look at how many arranged marriages work out, they have good results.

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I lived most of my life thinking I was a hetero cis female. I never "fell in love," as that's a male trait, useful for keeping males in the lives of females who are raising his progeny. Cis, hetero women are the "choosers," picking out the best male suitor from among those courting her.

They experience a sort of "love" affection, but it's completely subjective. If the male messes up, his stuff is tossed onto the lawn and she changes the locks. This true with the cis, hetero US females I have known all my life, and how it was with me.

Any women who "fall in love" are women heavy in male traits, and this trait is dangerous for women to have. Being besotted with love for some dangerous male could get her killed, especially if she acts like a clueless male and keeps forgiving her erring, abusive mates and taking them back, dispite their lack of respect for her.

That said, I found this out the hard way. When I realized I was a partial transmale (about 60%) and suffering from gender dysphoria, I got relief by acknowledging my male side, allowing him to express his personality. To my horror, I (he) promptly "fell in love" lthe way a male would..with a transwoman I knew from high school, who had been Skyping and flirting with me.

Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I understood why people wrote love songs, poetry, mooned over someone, wrote their name over and over, worshiped the ground they walked on. I also found out that my transwoman friend was a typical female in that she immediately began planning my life, ordering me around, asking for gifts. I'm still 40% female in traits, so that didn't go over well.

I began to realize my male side was hopeless and helpless to resist, so my female side rose to my defense. When my outraged female gender mode side was activated, it didn't take her long to dispatch the budding romance with a few well-timed insults.

Of course on this forum, a high percentage of females are likely to be androgyne (mixed gender traits), since high IQ creative types usually are, although they likely don't realize it, thinking all "women" are just like them, as I did.

We are all on a gender spectrum, so in a way, everyone is at least partly androgyne..studies show that even the most "femme" women and "macho" men only have 80% of their bio gender traits activated.

By the way, if you troll me, I will block you.

That's interesting. I don't identify as trans but I definitely have quite a few masculine traits. My ex used to say it all the time. When I fell for him (at age 18 ) I fell hard for him. I am still grieving my marriage after being divorced almost 2 years. I never connected that with my "male" traits, but it makes a kind of sense to me.

@Amy0825 Sadly, I'm the same way and currently in danger of returning to my dangerous ex because as a male-minded female I can't seem to hold a grudge or have boundaries. My only protection is to avoid him. He keeps emailing me wanting us to get back together, and despite everything he did I seem willing to let it go. No normal cis hetero woman would put herself at risk this way.

When in my "female mode" I can dump and forget bad love interests at once, however (sigh).

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Be careful what you wish for! Good luck!

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