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Warning: this post contains graphic language and literary symbolism. Reader discretion is advised.
I would like to pose a question to all recovered/recovering alcoholics: How the fuck do you beat this shit?!?! I apologize in advanced, but this will probably turn into a novel...
I am diagnosed bipolar-depressive with rapid cycling. For any who don't know what that is, I am, for lack of better terms, manic-depressive on steroids, and when I fall into a depressive state, it hits me like a metric fuck-ton ton of bricks falling from orbit...
Anyways, I have a predisposition to rely on alcohol to cope. Yes, I know it's a shitty coping mechanism, but it's, at least in my eyes, a much better solution than suck-starting a handgun. I have tried talking to my family/friends about my current situation, but they all shy away from the topic, and I don't blame them. None of them have had to deal with the shit that plays through my head.
I have tried reaching out to the VA (I am a veteran of the US Army,) and I have literally been hung up on trying to schedule an appointment with my assigned therapist. And this was in the last fucking WEEK! And holy fuck, bipolar depression is at the top of the list for my disability rating.........
So, to bring it back around to the original question; how the fuck does one kick the bottle after relying on it for so long? I mean, fuck, I'm drinking while typing this shit out, but it's only because I tried talking to my family tonight and they gave the same reactions; well, maybe if you turned to [insert religious crap here], you wouldn't have to worry...
To clarify: I am NOT suicidal. I have no intentions of harming myself, other than my apparent pursuit to discover first hand what liver failure feels like. I seriously want to end my dependency on alcohol and continue on with a healthy lifestyle.
Note: I live in Georgia (the US State for our international peeps,) and every alcohol cessation program I've tried relies on the whole 12-step, higher power crap. Shit, I even gave the AA thing a try, but the whole "you gotta believe in god" crap lost me. I just want to regain control of my life and find a better way to deal with this shit.
And if it's important, I live at home with my parents, have no other health care options other than the VA, and everyone I live with drinks just as much as I do. And, no, I can't move out yet because my current income-vs-expenses won't let me....
Fuck, sorry to sound so needy....
Edit: I am NOT looking for pity or shit. I am looking for sound advice and recommendations as to get this shit fixed. I've honestly gotten enough "pity" and bullshit prayer-request shit that I wanna puke. So, please, actual advice is wanted/needed.
Again, sorry to sound so needy...

cwtiffner 4 Apr 26
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13 comments

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0

I have a healthy dose of dealing with someone that has to deal with bipolar disorder. 1) this is not something to take advice from anyone other than a trained professional. 2) If you are already on a prescribed med cocktail and it isnt working then it probably needs adjustment. If you arent on one, then you definitely need to see a pro and start working to find the mix that will help you level out. 3) almost every drug they use to balance out bipolar disorder tends to say don't mix with alcohol. Probably will have to give up the sauce. It sucks but i have watched a bipolar sufferer first hand turn their life around

1

I find gardening helps me a lot with depression. Also now 30 years without alcohol Joined AA Had lots of problems with their God delusions but learned to use G. O. D. as good orderly direction as a answer for their religious thinking. They mean well and It's great to share with them my alcoholic behaviour and find solutions. Take what you can from them, share and know you are loved by most. Good luck!

0

<hugs you>

I wish I had some profound advice. All I have is empathy, compassion, and understanding.

1

I don't have any answers but suggest trying meditation and yoga...like really get into it...it helps lots of things....also cbd oils and weed...good luck

0

Reportedly, CBD oil and cannabis strains of a CBD/THC ratio of 20:1 work best for treating bipolar symptoms.

The father from the United Patients Group for bipolar patients reported his son had great results with cannabis strains that had a CBD:THC ratio of 20:1, but he also said they had even better results with isolated CBD in oil form. Another man claims that CBD oil was so effective he was able to quit his conventional antipsychotic prescription.

But the way that THC and CBD interact may also be important. In 2012, a man named Miles Houser wrote to a Harvard professor who was collecting case studies on cannabis, stating that after running the gamut of conventional anticonvulsants, antipsychotics, and antidepressants, high-CBD cannabis had been the only thing that worked for him.

In an article for the online magazine Ladybud, marijuana legalization advocate Gradi Jordan wrote that, based on the 36 years she’d used cannabis to treat her bipolar disorder, she felt THC was an essential component to effectively managing severe symptoms.

[psychedelictimes.com]

1

in 1985 I reached a point,where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of waking up to big mountains of woman flesh in my bed.
Decided to give up the whole party sence,move and relocated 3000 miles away.

0

Is all in the mind I used to work in a high power job to relax alcohol was only thing that brought me back to de-stressing started on he weekends then week days then was like I need it the friday night after work like yeah I just to chill I would not stop the whole blimey 1 litre bottle JD is empty.
It was all in my mind. I started slowly bit by bit cold turkey and am dry over 4 years now instead I work out exercise eat healthy drink healthy meditate helped just focus on one self hope this helps

Rosh Level 7 Apr 26, 2018
1

Apparently in the buckle of the bible belt or generally in the South, the only solution to alcoholism is religion. AA as well as Al-Anon push for "believing" in a superior power. The amount of bullshit that they proclaim is outstanding. I attended 6 meetings of Al-Anon because I live with an alcoholic woman who is driving me insane. I only heard about horrible stories and the propaganda claim that a superior power will save your ass. All these people are delusional. I quit and I found a great psychologist with who I have good chemistry and we talk a lot like 2 old friends. This has helped me more than anything else to tolerate my female companion. I am probably much older than you but any help you can get is welcome. Alcoholism is a horrible illness.
Cwtiffner, have you tried talking to a psychologist?? Other people recommend meditation but my mind is so busy that I can't even imagine stopping thinking and "concentrate on my breath" like they suggest. I have a psychologist friend who has an alcoholic son very close to DT and he meditates daily to be able to survive. Of course he believes in Zen Buddhism and I don't.

2

There are better people that can relate to you here than me.
I can only offer you a glimpse of what recovery could feel like from a recovered depressive.

2

Balancing medication and alcohol is not a good idea. I know folks who have damaged themselves, mentally, from blending the two. I understand that drinking helps when the meds don't. Most people shy away from something they don't understand. AA might help -- but I've had friends that hated it. Rehab centers? A good way to kick the drinking, but in the long run the only one who can help you is you and friends who will listen. Tough love is the only long-term solution. All this you've already thought of -- I have nothing more except to say you are not alone.

0

This is hard to answer. I'm an alcoholic and my drinking was stopped by liver disease. Not what you think. Just a fatty liver to extreme. I quit drinking for almost a year. The doctors gave me shots for Hep C and said if I got hepatitis I would surely die.
OK, I started drinking again but this isn't what you think either. None of it tastes good. I wanna drink but can't. I've been drunk a couple of times but mostly I drink 1 to 3 drinks and quit. I pour it out. It just doesn't taste good any longer. Was it the shots? I have no antabuse or anything. No pills. Often after work I think on the way home that I'll come in and have several beers then eat supper. I get here and just eat supper and watch TV. I always have drinks around it's just that I don't drink them so much. I even give some of it away.
Now let me compare this to my friend who is alcoholic. I was at his house yesterday and he can hardly walk or talk. He already has fallen down and hurt his leg. I'm afraid he's going to fall down and break his neck. He has court May 10th and his attorney says if he doesn't show up he will go to jail.
I've been there myself in my past and I honestly cannot tell you what the difference in actions and reactions for the both of us could be. The best I can say is try to seek help in support groups and even a medical doctor. To make it work you have to want it to work.

0

I'm bipolar with mjor depression myself hit me up if u want I have super high n super lows..I do not drink any more I of course came from a family of alcoholics and realized pretty quickly when I was younger that drinking was my demon..I smoked a little pot as a teenager but that's all I ever done. I hated my unstable, physical n mental abusive family growing up & only reason why I'm different still to this day is because I realized early on I was not going to be like them.?I decided if I really hated being treated badly & watched every adult around me fail, struggle, lose any little thing they had, kiss others asses so they could survive (like living with others being there slaves) then I could not allow myself to hit the pause button! Which is how I look at drugs n drinking everytime you try to drink/drug something away it's still there when u sober up so I choose to just do it?I have bad days yes I have good days yes but never days were I numb it I try to be honest n open with who is in my life (which pretty much is just my mom n my daughter) n I tend to piss ppl off n make ppl happy n stay hermited inside n sometimes let it all out n seem crazy....but I do all these things willingly n openly n know I'm bipolar but I can only be me n if it means alone till the end of time then at least I'll be alone with my absolute truth n self n not numbing, faking, I'm doing it fully in the open as ME! (But that is just my story).?

2

Firstly don't feel sorry for asking for help. pity never helped anyone. I used to have a drink problem and drugs. it seemed at the time that my tunnel was a cave with no possibility of light at the end. I didn't have bipolar but was close and my backs fucked, im agoraphobic and have suffered panic attacks for years. I have stopped all of it now including smoking tobacco as im asthmatic. I couldn't do the meetings or any of that group stuff really but I did see some shrinks but they weren't all helpful at all. I ended up sectioned 5 years ago which woke me up. if you were in the army you must have been reasonably ok then in your mind so its possible. maybe like me get into doing something completely different. I chose art and DIY. I dare say the money you spend on booze doesn't help your current situation as you need to get out of the home your in eventually. when life gives you lemons, don't get bitter but make lemonade. you can't be the only servicemen in this situation and your definitely not the only human in this situation. you really learn to live with these problems in your mind and it's a long road where you often feel like your going backwards rather than forwards. you need to break the circle of gloom. what are you good at that maybe you could teach or learn more about? is there something you always fancied doing but never tried? maybe You could start an ex-serviceman's group either about your problems or something completely different or a bit of both. grab the bull by the horns I think. look for another shrink if yours isn't helping you. you need to have a report with people who are helping you. I found that out the hard way too. you can do this honestly as you have done the most important part and know you have a problem and need help.a problem shared is a problem halved. I don't know if im helping but quite frankly abusing alcohol is worse than the bullet you talked about as you lose everything like any other addict. I hope I've helped mate and if you want to chat ill chat with you.

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