LOL. Ya know, the article sure does come across that way. But … some men suck. Some women suck. And the article pretty much sucks.

That is the bitter truth these days. So many single women in my and your age group, esp., have given up on dating and relationships, dropping out of the dating game, for various reasons. That leaves those women left, esp. in the 50- 70 age group, having the pick of the litter. So if those women are at least average looking, 6s and 7s, they can be very picky and get away with it, still having plenty of men to choose from, while men in those age groups who are 5s and even 6s in looks, have way too much competition, so their options are either settling for dating 4s and 5s, or just sitting on the sidelines being passed up, not because they have poor relationship skills, etc., but because they simply don't stack up against the competition, by being rich or good-looking enough.

The bottom line ends up being that most of the actual online dating ends up being between women who are 6s and 7s dating the men who are 8s and 9s in looks, getting used for sex and not being able to land any of those men, who are not interested in long term relationships anyway, and then, after being dumped by the men and spoiled by the sex with great-looking men, they return to the single life unwilling to ever settle for an average-looking man again for dating. And so the average looking men sit alone waiting for matches that never come. I can only imagine who bad it is for the below average-looking men and women, as their only hope is for the opposite sex singles to lower their standards enough to date someone a couple points below them, which almost never happens...

@Apunzelle Like Sticks always said, regarding men and women, it goes both ways... But in this case, it does prove that the odds and stats, overall, really favor single women over single men these days, esp, in the upper ages like mine, until you get to the 70s or older, where there begins to be more of an even ratio of single women to men in the dating game. And overall, men will always outnumber women in the population of singles wanting to date and partner, because in general men are much more dependent on dating relationships to be happy, and more interested in dating than women, esp. when they reach 50 yo.

Some things piss me off. Male bashing and Millennial bashing are among them. Why do people think it’s OK to bash entire groups of people? Glad that’s not happening here.

@Apunzelle A big part of why it's not happening here this time is that, by now, there are blocks on the site between me and Deb57, along with some other people, mostly women, who would bash and blame me in the past whenever I honestly shared about my dating woes and talked about the bad behavior and attitudes of women I encountered in online dating. Some people just can't either stand to hear bad behavior on the part of their gender or else they enjoy blaming the victim. Those members here that would bash me are no longer able to see my comments here, so they haven't flocked to the thread to bash and blame me.

@Apunzelle I don't agree with Millenial bashing either, but I have had some bashing from them towards Boomers in general or even me for being a Boomer, but not on here. I understand and agree with their bashing of my generation in general, because it's mostly true, esp. about the older Boomers, most of whom had it pretty good in their youth and adulthood, and as a group, most of them did sell out and vote selfishly and foolishly for Reagan and other Repubs, after leaving behind the counterculture and hippie trends. But I never did sell out or start voting for Repubs or even corporate Dems. So I have always been on the right side and that of the underdog and the masses, not my own self interest. So while my generation may have been guilty of screwing over the Millenials, esp. the Boomers who got into politics or running corporations, individually my hands are clean and I accept no blame for my generation.

Very broad generalizations, but there is some truth in it.

I’m not sure if you were able to see past the (very annoying) ads. Here’s the rest of the article past the bullets:

Younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve ever been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse.

This is not my typical rosy view of relationships but a reality nonetheless. Over the last 30 years, men have become a larger portion of that growing group of long-term single people. And while you don’t actually need to be in a relationship to be happy, men typically are happier and healthier when partnered.

Here are three broad trends in the relationship landscape that suggest heterosexual men are in for a rough road ahead:

Dating Apps.
Whether you’re just starting to date or you’re recently divorced and dating again, dating apps are a huge driver of new romantic connections in the United States. The only problem is that upwards of 62% of users are men and many women are overwhelmed with how many options they have. Competition in online dating is fierce, and lucky in-person chance encounters with dreamy partners are rarer than ever.

Relationship Standards.
With so many options, it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective. I do a live TikTok show (@abetterloveproject) and speak with hundreds of audience members every week; I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.

Skills Deficits.
For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities, less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single. The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love. Emotional connection requires all the skills that families are still not consistently teaching their young boys.

While there’s probably no chance of stemming the rising tide of unintentional single men, there is still good news.

The algorithms are becoming increasingly more complex on dating apps and other online platforms. One benefit is that great matches are on the rise. Hinge, one dating app, found through beta trials that 90% of users rated their first date positively, with 72% indicating wanting a second date.

How can men reap the benefit of the algorithms? Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.

Ultimately, we have an opportunity to revolutionize romantic relationships and establish new healthy norms starting with a first date. It’s likely that some of these romances will be transformative and healing, disrupting generational trauma, and establishing a fresh culture of admiration and validation.

Men have a key role in this transformation but only if they go all-in. It’s going to take that kind of commitment to themselves, to their own mental health, to the kind of love they want to generate in this world. Will we step up?

Thanks for posting the full text of it, but I did read the whole article, and it still seemed more of a blurb than something of substance or depth.

@Apunzelle The article was basically a blurb. Maybe there are more lonely people these days, though I'd have to see more to determine how real this supposed change is. Everything after that is wildly speculative. His conclusion is not unreasonable, if you're not finding love you're the first place to look, it's just not really supported by his arguments. I can see why he got a lot of flak for it.

@TomMcGiverin @Druvius Maybe that’s why the article left me scratching my head. I felt intuitively that something was missing. You said it well.

I feel you! And I agree about online dating leading to unrealistic expectations. It’s a sad state of affairs.

When you go grocery shopping, try to look you best. Take a long time checking out produce, and keep an eye out for the ladies that show up. It’s an awesome place to meet someone in actual person! Be ready with questions about a recipe or something to get the conversation started.

@Apunzelle Thanks, but no thanks. I don't cook and am not going to go trolling for single women at grocery stores, like in some TV sitcom. I really doubt it would work in my area, since even when I used to approach women at live music concerts, in bars, parks, or wineries where the bands would play, chat them up, and even give them my card with my contact info, nobody would ever offer to give me their number or call me back, because, as some of the women would admit later when I ran into them again, that they just aren't that comfortable with meeting men in public like that who are strangers, and then contacting them by phone or the men calling them, to go from there. These were all women who said they were single, BTW, but they also would say they aren't willing to use dating sites. Women from bigger cities or outside the Midwest are probably more comfortable with meeting men at music events like that, but that does me no good with the women here who are more traditional and conservative about that stuff.

So how the hell are they supposed to meet single men? Well, they seemed to be saying they were pretty much willing to leave it up to fate and either meeting men thru friends, church, or work. So that eliminates me from the networks they meet single men thru. No wonder I can't find anyone compatible from Match, because the women who seem to be my type, from liking the same music as me, are never going to end up on a dating site and I am not part of any of their networks that they are comfortable meeting men from, such as Christian churches.

As for approaching women at music events, which I won't do anymore, or meeting them at grocery stores, I don't enjoy public embarrassment, and if I'm going to get it, I would rather suffer it privately thru online dating sites than publicly get shot down.

@TomMcGiverin Oh man. Tough spot to be in. It’s like there’s no way to win. I swear, I need to hold on to my man for dear life. He’s a good one, and I’d die to have to deal with today’s dating scene again.

@Apunzelle Agreed, some times it truly does feel that way, like there's no way to win with the dating pool that is there in my area, and with most of the women that would be my type, choosing to either avoid online dating or not being willing to give men a chance who approach them in public. Maybe I'm being too stubborn, maybe not, but I am not willing to join a Christian church and fake it to meet single women, nor am I willing to volunteer, start working again, or join a bunch of groups just to seek out these women who are only comfortable meeting men thru friends, work, or church, and who are unwilling to use dating sites. There are probably not that many out there anyway, and it would likely end up being a lot of wasted time, doing things that I would not enjoy, just in the hope that I would be in the right place at the right time when the right woman just happened to show up there.

And even then, I would have to make the first move, in my local social environment, and then risk getting shot down in front of others. Frankly, all of that kind of stuff has made me very unsympathetic to women who refuse to join dating sites and yet, at the same time, they bitch about how they can't meet any good men or the right kind of men thru their organic networks for dating. They have no idea how good they have it compared to what men like me must go thru in trying to meet someone compatible, esp. since in my local area, men are expected to make the first move all the time, whether on dating sites or in public.

Who wants to make all that effort for so little chance of success?

@Apunzelle I noticed from your profile that you live on the east coast, and I think that makes a ton of difference, socially and culturally. My Iowa farm-raised women, as most of them are, are much more conservative and traditional-minded about dating and meeting men. And are thus much less likely to feel comfortable with meeting men in the grocery store or live music concert and feel safe and comfortable about meeting and getting to know the man thru that and proceeding on from there.

Wow. I had a friend like you once. She said all men were assholes. I said: If you think all men are assholes, what kind of man do you think you’re going to attract??

I myself have dated only one asshole in my many years. I expect good, and I find good. Maybe I’ve been lucky. Or maybe there are more good men out there than people tend to admit.

Either way, I would never lump men into a single category like that. I certainly don’t like when men do that to women.

@Apunzelle

That was mean. I don't think all men are asshole. I love people.

Over 52 years, I feel lucky to have had 5-6 great lovers.

@LiterateHiker I wasn’t intending to be mean, though I’ll admit I was a bit blunt.

The reason for my comment is, from my perspective, there tends to be a theme in your romance posts that includes speaking of men in generalities in a negative way. Maybe you don’t see it that way because (some) people agree with you, though it is something I’ve noticed.

@Apunzelle

Thanks. I wrote "most men" not "all men."

This has been my experience over 52 years. I have always been attracted to highly intelligent, funny men.

"Highly intelligent people tend to have a dark side because they realize the futilty of much of life," my friend Ken said in our 20s. I think he was talking about himself.

@LiterateHiker Less than 5% of the population has an IQ of 130 or more which makes it a small pool of potentials.

@MizJ

Good point. Since age 15, my IQ has tested at 147.

Have always felt like I don't belong in this world.

@LiterateHiker It can make it difficult to relate to a lot of people and vice versa. You start talking and the multisyllabic words sneak out and their eyes glaze over or they look uncomfortable. Men can be intimidated by brains, not all men but it is a factor.

You haven't been single all that time. You've had tryouts. You've had romance. You've had men pursue you. You have men throwing themselves at your feet. You've been very active.

I've been single. Many of us have.

@BitFlipper

You're right. I have not been lonely. Had a series of boyfriends; the longest was five years. Romance and fun.

Countless men pursued me on dating sites. Met over 120 men.

After my divorce, I got three marriage proposals. "You've got to be kidding," I replied and laughed.